I told him up front that I love getting head, but I rarely, rarely shoot from it. I went through the explanation I always seem to make: that I rarely will agree to meet solely for a blow job because when I don’t shoot, I feel badly. And if I’m pressured to shoot when I don’t want to or can’t, it’s definitely not going to happen.
But the guy was nice, and kind of good-looking in a goofy way. He told me that in that context, he didn’t care if I got off—he just wanted to suck on a very big dick for a little while. So I invited him over.
We went up to my bedroom. I dropped my pants. He got to work. At first, the sensations of his mouth on my dick were pretty pleasant. Not very long after, however, I started to feel less like I was getting sucked off and more like the guy thought if he pumped my dick long and hard enough, he’d bring up well water. “I am kind of more into a slow and sloppy blow job,” I directed him.
He went back to sucking for about thirty more seconds. Then once again his hand latched onto my meat and began flying back and forth over it. I had to stop him. It wasn’t pleasant. It just hurt.
“You do remember you said you weren’t going to be in a hurry to try to get me off, right?” I asked.
He ignored me and started beating harder. “I know I can do it,” he growled. “Just give me a chance.”
Awkward. I had to detach him from my dick and gently send him home. I’m not sure why he even came over, after all my caveats and warnings, if he was going to be like that. It’s not an uncommon phenomenon, either.
Part of me thinks I’m just kind of hard-wired for fucking. It’s what turns me on the most. Getting head feels good. But when I’ve mounted a guy and am sliding in and out of his wet hole, it’s better than good. It’s right.
Another part of me wonders if I’ve just run into some guys who give spectacularly bad blow jobs. One of my readers shared with me a half-facetious, half-dead-serious open letter to cocksuckers that he’d posted to Craigslist. Let’s see how long it takes before it’s flagged and removed, he joked with me. I read through the thing and you know what? It resonated.
With his permission, I’m reposting it below.
I have a tip for you. If I present you with my steely hard cock, and after a couple minutes of your attacking it, it starts getting soft, I'd recommend that you not continue to attack it even harder and faster. If you do, don't be surprised when it gets even softer.
Not everyone enjoys having their cock practically ripped from their body, put in a death grip, or jacked and bobbed on so fast it makes for an entirely unrelaxing experience. Besides all of this, a hand job is not a blow job.
Then when I take control of your head to show you how to do it, my cock gets all steely again, and I let you take over again, why do you go back to your old ways only to soften me again?
Then when I lightly and slowly jack in your mouth to show you how to do it, my cock gets all steely again, and I let you take over again, why do you go back to your old ways only to soften me again?
Are you really that unobservant...that unteachable? The worst of you are the ones who are all like "pick me, pick me, you won't regret it." I always do regret it as it seems you're so damned sure of your skills, that you can't be bothered to tune in.
Oh, and I really don't like to have my nipples ripped off of my chest either. My God, they're still burning from last Sunday. So when I brush your hand away, get the message.
Why am I posting this? It's because the last four blow jobs I've gotten have been baaad, and since you all seem to be tripping all over each other to get a fat dick and wad in our mouth, I thought I'd give the teachable among you a leg up.
7.5 thick cut leaking inches
PS...I've never understood why cocksuckers post or reply with their dick pics...especially only dick pics. I just don't get the relevance.Like I said, the rant resonated. It does always seem to me that the worst oral experiences I’ve had come from the men who badger me with promises that I won’t regret picking them. The men who think that attacking my dick harder and faster and with more violence is going to make me produce a payload more quickly are pretty much deluded.
So in today’s Open Forum Friday, I’m curious about your own experiences with oral sex. Are my ranting reader and I isolated cases, or is the plague of poor cocksuckers more common than we think? What makes a bad blow job, for you? Or more to the point, what makes a really good one? If you think you’ve got the mad skills, step up and share with us your trade secrets.
After all, the more good sex going around, the happier we’ll all be. Right?