tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12316001024335229.post5061060847442473024..comments2024-03-09T16:33:07.940-05:00Comments on A Breeder's Journal: Will: Fair ShakeMr. Steedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13439409354795921043noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12316001024335229.post-64853745444549380802014-07-24T12:38:45.235-04:002014-07-24T12:38:45.235-04:00That was unexpected: only 2 weeks?! My first thoug...That was unexpected: only 2 weeks?! My first thought is that something happened to him. But maybe what happened was that his time with you, and the "lite" versions of you, showed him a different path that he needed to walk. Perhaps he couldn't get off the monastic path sooner.<br />There feels as if so many questions remain and you and Will didn't talk about what happened... which feels unlike you.<br />JPinPDXAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12316001024335229.post-8739572365358278482011-07-13T10:26:32.199-04:002011-07-13T10:26:32.199-04:00Yves,
Thank you, my friend.Yves,<br /><br />Thank you, my friend.Mr. Steedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13439409354795921043noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12316001024335229.post-45338958949755027542011-07-13T10:26:13.769-04:002011-07-13T10:26:13.769-04:00Writer,
He didn't really treat me like anythi...Writer,<br /><br />He didn't really treat me like anything; it was the circumstances that formed our relationship. He was supposed to be leaving. I was in a relationship. The universe might have granted us some time together, but we both knew it came with an expiration date.<br /><br />When that date changed, the relationship changed with it. I can't blame it on him any more than myself, or on the universe and its fickleness.Mr. Steedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13439409354795921043noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12316001024335229.post-19313337554228133452011-07-13T10:23:53.276-04:002011-07-13T10:23:53.276-04:00Saab,
I agree with you that if it wasn't righ...Saab,<br /><br />I agree with you that if it wasn't right for him, it wasn't right, and he was correct in getting out early. <br /><br />Like I said to Ace, though—he didn't go into this thing blind. There were orientations, and retreats, and a month-long service deal in Ecuador, and counseling, and all kinds of things designed to weed out the dilettante and the aimless or the wandering. I didn't do any of these things and knew exactly what the life was going to be like once he got there, so for him to claim he didn't know how isolated and contemplative it would be was kind of disingenuous.<br /><br />I never really blamed Will for his need to be with other men. I might have been disappointed, but I understood. It's unreasonable to open the doors for someone and expect them stand within the threshold and only look out.Mr. Steedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13439409354795921043noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12316001024335229.post-66901126392881179422011-07-13T10:19:20.822-04:002011-07-13T10:19:20.822-04:00Ace,
I was supportive of the religious thing too,...Ace,<br /><br />I was supportive of the religious thing too, on a conceptual level if not really in my heart (I just have too many issues with the Catholic church, really). What surprised me was how very little effort he gave it, once he started that journey. He didn't go into it blind; that order required a lot of retreats and some very long periods of isolation and service before he actually took that big step—stuff that was supposed to weed out those who'd find themselves bored, long before they gave up their lives. <br /><br />I admit that it's unfair of me to expect anyone to live their lives by my expectations. Totally unfair. I wouldn't do it for anyone. It's ridiculous. <br /><br />But he disappointed me, there.Mr. Steedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13439409354795921043noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12316001024335229.post-84566800632386549852011-07-12T20:43:06.028-04:002011-07-12T20:43:06.028-04:00Rob my friend,
I read that with a lot of sorrow an...Rob my friend,<br />I read that with a lot of sorrow and pain. I don't know how somebody can do that to anyone, especially you man. you didn't deserve that and he only went there for two weeks, it make me sick to my stomac. That is very sad and you had to get through that. I don't know how you did it my friend. You are a very strong and good man. bless you sexy man.<br /><br />YvesAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12316001024335229.post-72177878603258211262011-07-12T18:24:50.771-04:002011-07-12T18:24:50.771-04:00Hello, lovely.
"“I get it,” I told him hasti...Hello, lovely.<br /><br />"“I get it,” I told him hastily, so he wouldn’t have to say the words. I did get it. Before, I was a safe repository for his affections. I had an official status of temporary. We'd both knew that the relationship as it was, wasn’t going to last. It had an expiration date. Now, though, with an open-ended future, perhaps I wasn’t as practical for him. “I totally get it.”"<br /><br />I think short of anything political I might read, this is potentially the most infuriating thing, I have ever read. That someone would treat you like that. That someone has ever treated me like that. I really just want to throw this computer. LOL<br /><br />MEN!Writerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00445128608422429761noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12316001024335229.post-57120682098130611592011-07-12T17:36:01.506-04:002011-07-12T17:36:01.506-04:00I mean no disrespect with the following comment. ...I mean no disrespect with the following comment. I would like, however, to be honest with my thoughts. <br /><br />I find this to be one of your saddest and poignant tales. There is something about it that calls forth two distinct emotions: anger and pity. <br /><br />From how you have described Will (despite his beauty), I would label him: weak, irrational, unrealistic, and immature. Unfortunately, I think a lot of men, especially gay men (myself included) have a very easy time falling into all of those traps.Ojohttp://agayseoul.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12316001024335229.post-20512113919525424952011-07-12T12:13:38.811-04:002011-07-12T12:13:38.811-04:00"Will had been the man who had always encoura..."Will had been the man who had always encouraged me to follow my heart and my artistry and do the one thing in my life that made me happiest. I thought he was doing the same. He was my model, my inspiration."<br /><br />Sometimes you need to get what you thought of as your goals before you realize that they aren't for you. Also remember that he started the monastic dream before he came out--there was likely an element of self-repression tied up in it that you helped free him from. He was right, you should follow your heart. But maybe it turned out that the monastic order was very specifically a method of not following his heart. <br /><br />I'm not sure if this is a particularly American trait, but we seem to imagine that the big heroic things are the way to make a difference in the world. But if you care about the poor you don't have to join a Catholic order, you can do things every day in and around your own life. <br /><br />About what happened other than that. Yikes that sucks. But (and this is explanatory, not dismissive) the reason it is so dangerous for our hearts to date someone who is just really exploring their homosexuality for the first time is that they almost always need to go through a kid in the candy store sampling phase. It tends to happen to me from a slightly different direction. I see men just as they begin moving into the kink community. The universe seems to throw men (chronologically young and otherwise) who want to explore it and see me as a great mentor for it. I used to think of it as a curse--because being at the beginning of that kind of journey often means that there has to be exploration other than you. But recently I've begun to think of it as a blessing. I get some really hot men at an interesting time of their lives, and they get a good mentor so they can avoid some of the awful burns of early kink play. And perhaps there is another me somewhere, prepping a guy who I'm going to use. ;)Saabnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12316001024335229.post-65377900306005426902011-07-12T12:00:22.884-04:002011-07-12T12:00:22.884-04:00I can't wait to read the end either - I have s...I can't wait to read the end either - I have some comments and thoughts, but how/if they fit kind of depends on what the turnout to this story is.Kevin Mhttp://blog.cowboyinbrla.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12316001024335229.post-86486102688344546122011-07-12T11:44:39.413-04:002011-07-12T11:44:39.413-04:00Wow. What a post and what an emotional adventure. ...Wow. What a post and what an emotional adventure. I'm so glad you have put this out there because I can feel the emotions you still have about the situation. But also because this is a monumental thing that Will did. I agree with your feelings. While reading these posts, I was incredibly supportive of Will joining the monestary, but to see him give it up so soon, especially after all the trouble he had to go through to get there, just seems wrong. I connect it to my own experience at grad school. Sure, I was there for a week and got screwed over, but if I let that turn me away from my goal of an MFA, then I would be doing myself a disservice for all the time and money I spent applying and getting my grades where they were. It almost feels like a cop-out when someone goes through that much and doesn't see it through. Or at least give it more than two weeks. Sorry, I realize I was ranting a bit. I can't wait to read the end.<br /><br />-AceAcehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16689622131508698674noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12316001024335229.post-13012822774154634352011-07-12T11:33:09.278-04:002011-07-12T11:33:09.278-04:00Sometimes you have to go off and do something you ...Sometimes you have to go off and do something you always wanted to before you know it's not for you and get it out of your system, that's what happen to Will. He didn't think how much of his old life he would miss until he had to give it up.<br /><br />And when you do go back to your old ways, it may not be the same as it was. Also you can feel ashamed in away to be with your old friends since you bitched about your old life and what you wanted to do and now you were back as it didn't work out. <br /><br />Sometimes a new 'old' life is needed.cyberi4ahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06309025181649016156noreply@blogger.com