Sunday Morning Questions: Sucker Punch Edition

Apparently I never learn.

There was a guy last year (I was looking for the entry so I could link it, but I didn't find it) who stood me up in a pretty spectacular way when he'd contacted me on BBRT and begged me—begged—to meet him. He detailed how he wanted to service me. Told me he'd do anything for my dick. Said he'd move heaven and earth for a chance to work on my knob.

So I gave the guy my address. He told me he'd be over in half an hour, after he showered. It was a late weekend night, and I was horny as fuck and could host, so after a half-hour I sat by the front window and waited for the guy. And waited. And waited. I ended up waiting for something like over an hour for the guy, who didn't return my text messages or the one phone call I tried making. After a half-hour of chat, a half-hour of showering, and over an hour of waiting, the guy had effectively killed my evening and I went to bed frustrated and horny and mad.

Well. I guess I'm just a sucker. I didn't talk to the dude for about three months after that. When out of the blue he contacted me to ask how I was doing. I'm one of those guys who carries a grudge for-fucking-ever, sadly; it takes a good deal of assholery to get me to that point, but once I'm there . . . hoo boy. Even though an entire season had passed, I was still angry enough at the guy to blast him with the full impact of the anger I still felt at him. Surprisingly, he took it like a man. He said he'd been wrong, and then he apologized. He told me his head had been in a weird space at that time, and that there was really no excuse for what he'd done, and he wished he could make it up to me.

I didn't capitulate immediately. I still felt burned. I told the guy I appreciated his being up front with me about it, though, and thanked him for the apology. It felt a little like trying to heal a leg amputation with an application of some Chapstick, but still, it was an apology.

So last night the guy hits me up again. Asks if I'm looking for sex. Promises he won't flake out on me this time. I shrug and say, sure, come on over. I give him the address and remind him of my cell number. He says he wants to make it up to me in a big way, and asks what I want him to wear. I tell him I'm not picky, but that I like fucking guys in jocks, if he's really wanting to make me happy. Other than that, I say, surprise me. The guy tells me he's going to hop in the shower—quickly, this time—and text me when he's leaving the house to head over.

All proceeds according to plan. A few minutes pass, and then I get a text telling me he's on the way. He's in my zip code, and only about ten minutes away, so I take my computer into the office and wait.

And I wait. And I wait. And I wait for the guy who stands me up once again, in the exact same way.

This time, the waiting wasn't so annoying. I was chatting online with a couple of my readers—hi guys!—so the time passed relatively quickly. After 45 minutes, though, I texted the guy and said, So you're flaking on me again, huh? And then after an hour, I turned off the porch light and sent another message to the guy never to contact me again.

I'm a sucker, I guess. But he was so convincing. And I was so horny!

Let's get to today's roundup of questions from formspring.me. If you've got questions for me, ask them there.



Is there hottest guy you've ever had sex with? Or are some of them like comparing apples and oranges?

There have been as many hottest guys in my life as there are definitions of 'hot'. I've had guys of average looks who gave me the hottest sex, and guys of extremely good looks who'd given porn stars a run for their money. I've been with guys with untraditional looks who are hotter than sin, and men who, just from working hard in bed to keep things interesting, have been much hotter than some muscle studs that every guy seems to think should be the gay ideal.

My strategy in life is to have fun with the guys I'm with, and to make every encounter hot.


Have you ever called someone "Daddy" (or "Papi") when he was fucking you?

Yes, but more often I'm called daddy than the reverse.


Advice Needed: What type of a filing system do you use for your home office and how do you link your hard copy file folders in your filing cabinet with that of the files on your computer and or emails?

I have a file folder named 'household', a file folder named 'contracts,' and then everything else goes into a folder named '2011'. That's about as organized as I get.

None of my computer files correspond to my simple filing system.


Do you and your spouse have cute pet names for each other? Do you use them in public too lol?

I'm a southern boy. Therefore, "honey" for is a multi-purpose word applicable to all ages and genders, equally suitable for new relationships and old.


Clearly, I've seen your dick, and I must say (if I haven't before), impressive ;) My question(s): 1. Most risque thing you've ever done sexually? 2. Kinkiest thing you've ever done? 3. Do you like dirty talk in bed? 4. What DO you like in bed?

Thanks. Asking me what the most risque or kinkiest sexual act in which I've ever indulged, however, is like asking Lady Gaga to pick her most outrageous outfit. After a while, you shrug and say, "Oh, she's just out there."

I do talk dirty in bed, but I don't imitate porn movie talk.

I like to be spoiled in bed. I don't get a lot of that, though.


You mentioned in one of your posts that Jim may have hurt you in some way? Not sure if I missed that post or not, but will you be talking about that anytime soon? Thanks twitter follower

There will be more posts in the future finishing off that long and dreadful chapter of my history. I don't think you've missed any, but on my blog you can always find my list of keywords and click on 'Earl' to see that particular series of entries.


Would you prefer to comfort a friend/lover or be comforted?

I've discovered over the last twenty-odd years that my primary instincts are to take care of other people, to provide comfort in times of stress and need. It's instinctive, and a reflex in my nature.

Sometimes, however, I wish that I were comforted more.


Have you ever in some not-gay-friendly public place ever held hands with a man? kissed him? put your arm around his waist? laid your arm across his shoulder?

I've held hands with guys in a movie theater, in the dark, but that's about it. It's a shame that Iv'e edited simple expressions of male-to-male affection from my unthinking repertoire.


Have you or your brother ever shared the same fuck? Or better yet has caught you in action?

My brother and I have many times been with the same guy.

There was never an option to be 'caught', however, given that our age difference is wide enough that he had already long left home by the time I was hitting my teens.


Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 5 years to become extremely attractive?

My beauty is already nearly unbearable. How about I take another five years of life expectancy just to dim my pulchritude down to merely extremely attractive?