Sunday Morning Questions: Haircut Edition

This next is the week in which I have to make a decision about my hair.

I've been having my hair cut by the same guy for the last dozen or so years—a former fuckbuddy (I know, what a shocker!) to whom I kept returning not only because he gave me a half-off fuckbuddy price, but because he knew what suited me and gave it to me despite what I asked for. It's solely because of him that I have been at peace with my hair for the last chunk of my life, instead of at odds with it.

My hair has been the bane of my existence for much of my life. I have my mother's baby book, which has collections of the snippings from my first five haircuts. The stuff inside those envelopes feels like the finest silk threads, between the fingers, and is so shockingly white that I find it impossible to believe I was ever that fair-headed. The color's darkened over the years, but my hair is still wispy and fine. It has a tendency not to be styled and to do whatever the hell it wants. It flops around crazily when I have sex.

In elementary school I was teased about it by squares and the elderly because it made me look like a girl. (Hey. In the nineteen-seventies, we all had Dorothy Hamill bobs.) In middle and high school, it was my shame because it was either too greasy, or just not stylish enough. As a young adult, I despaired every time I looked at it. Eventually, though, I made my peace with my hair, and my barber managed to cut it in a way that made me enjoy its floppiness. It might scare me when I wake up in the morning and find myself looking like a cross between a Bjork video and a mushroom cloud, but in general, it pleases me. I like the way it looks when I hook my sunglasses atop it, this time of year. I like the way it makes me appear like a lost member of ABBA, when it gets full.

Now that I'm moving away, though, I'm losing the one hair stylist who's ever made me happy with my hair. And I really am not looking forward to trying to find a new one in a strange place, where I have no friends to recommend anyone to me. So I'm thinking to myself, should I shave it?

I've put some thought into it. I'd probably buzz it down to about the length of my beard—which is not very long at all. Cutting it short would be a novelty for me; I've never done it before. It'd allow me to go to a new place with a new style and not have to worry about everyone I know teasing me about the big change—because I don't know anybody. It would be a style I could maintain myself if I had to, or easily get a barber to replicate if I didn't want to do it myself. The advantages would be expedience and ease.

Uncertainty is a big disadvantage. I could have one of those heads that just doesn't look good, buzzed. Or I could just dislike it. Of course, I could go through months of terrible haircuts if I don't buzz my head, too.

I don't know. Big decisions. Have you guys ever gone from long hair to very short? Would you recommend it? I know I have friends out there who will shrill No! Don't cut that hair!, but surely there are some who've made the leap and enjoyed it?

I'm babbling. Let's get onto this week's roundup of questions, courtesy of formspring.me.


Want to see how expectations and reality play out. What are you expecting in ease of getting your hands on guys, types of guys, whatever where you're moving to?

I am moving to an utterly strange part of the country where I don't know where anything is, where I have no friends or connections, where i have no network of fuck buddies, and where I will be busy trying to set up a house that's been split apart for a year.

In other words, I don't expect to get laid much.


What three words would you use to best describe your personality?

Thoughtful, considered, and stubborn.


How do you react if a guy has hemorrhoids? Is that a big turnoff? More generally, would you recommend that guys with hemorrhoids abstain from being fucked?

I assume by hemorrhoids—or piles, as they're more technically though even less pleasantly known in the plural—you mean the kind that are actively bleeding? Because I won't play with a guy who has an open wound. I would definitely recommend that the bottom not play in those circumstances, either.


I want to email a guy I knew as a friend briefly, 4 years ago, and try to re-establish a connection, but I'm afraid the email will be too out of the blue. Should I? I guess I'm asking, how would you respond if you got an email like that?

Did you part on good terms? If so, I'd probably welcome the email and would be happy to reconnect.

If you parted with bad feelings between you, or if things were muddled and confused or even angry, you may wish to reconsider. Many people, myself included, aren't willing to reconnect with a past they wish to—and thought they had—left behind. If this is the case, you may wish to tread carefully, attempt to make amends, and concede graciously if they ask you not to intrude in their tranquil present.


Sexual questions on Formspring, titillating or invasive? Hot or over the top?

I like them, generally—but most of the ones I get tend to be kind of rote ("How big is your dick?") or so vague that I kind of wonder about the sex lives of the people who ask them ("What was the best sex you've had?" . . . can anyone really narrow it down like that?).

There are some I simply won't answer, but I don't mind people having asked them.


When anonymous people ask ludicrous questions... do you answer or delete?

If the question has been asked in a sincere manner, no matter how ludicrous the question is, I'll generally answer.

However, there have been some individuals on Formspring who either make a career of crafting stupid, absurd questions, or who else aren't on their meds. I tend to block those people.


What's one lesson can you share with everyone that you abide by?

When I was learning to drive, my father gave me a piece of advice I feel is not only applicable to the road, but to life in general. He told me that although it was important to keep my eyes on what was immediately ahead in the world and to avoid the small obstacles, what really matter was keeping my eye on the direction the road took at the horizon, and to aim for that.

I think it was wise advice, and it's served me well.


Will you tell me about one aspect of your personality you think is unattractive?

I tend to be unforgiving of those whom I feel no longer deserve my friendship. It usually requires a lot of needling and bad behavior to take me to that point, but once someone pushes my buttons and I explode, nothing's growing in that scorched earth again.


Would you date outside your race?

Already have, many, many times.


Related question: all of you guys who answered my question about interracial dating said you would date outside your own race, question is now, why is there such a divide within the gay community?

I think the people to whom you should be addressing your question are the ones who said they'd never date outside their own race.


Not to be racist or anything, but be honest what race do you think is the ugliest? by not giving an answer you would just emphasize you being a hypocrite

You are being racist. I'm not giving you an answer because I don't find it a valid question at all. But you, sir, are the hypocrite. Not I.


Have you ever felted a dude?

Felted? You mean, like a pool table or a piano?


Do you prefer guys to cum on your face or in your mouth?

In my mouth. I'm not sure I understand the point of the facial, from a pleasure perspective.


Do you get annoyed when people confuse bottoming with subbing?

Probably not as much as bottoms or subs do, but it's a shame that people take words with distinct shades of meaning and use them generically.

I get more annoyed when people see that I'm a top and automatically assume that I am a nasty-talkin', cigar-smokin', boot-wearin' S.O.B. who likes to dominate and control his bottoms.