Sunday Morning Questions: Post Sympathy Edition

I'd like to thank all the readers who wrote in this week with their sympathies about the loss of my pet. I really appreciated the kind words during a dark week. A dark couple of weeks, really, since we were watching her get slower and slower and knowing that like a top, she didn't have long until she just came to a full stop.

It's not easy to lose a pet, but it's the compact we make when we let them into our lives—we take as best care of them as we can, knowing that we're likely to outlive them. We give them good lives, and a warm lap, and food. Then when the time comes, we try to ensure they pass as painlessly as possible.

But whew, that's a depressing topic. Let's get straight to some questions from formspring.me.


Who was the first person you ever saw naked, outside of immediate family members? Who was it, what were the circumstance and what sex were they?

Even as a very small child I saw all kinds of hippies hanging out in the altogether, either at my parents' house or at the houses of other progressive homes. It wasn't really until I was around six and went to public school that I realized that not everyone runs around naked at home.


What are you thoughts about Anonymous questions are they Intriguing or fucking wimps?

I have in the past encouraged blog readers to submit questions anonymously, as many don't wish to be identified, and many more don't have Formspring accounts. It's fine with me. I prefer those questions to the spam I get from a handful of Formspring users.

What bothers me is when people use anonymous questions on Formspring, or anonymous comments on my blog, in order to make accusations, cast aspersions, or denigrate me or my loved ones. I see that kind of behavior as cowardly and indulged in primarily by people who live very small and miserable lives. It was because of two (and only two!) of those people that I closed down the anonymous questions portion of my formspring account some weeks ago . . . though I'll probably lift that embargo this week, as they've worn themselves out.


I checked out your adam4adam profile for the first time and was wondering are you shaved or scruffy these days? Either way is sexy!

I've had a short beard for over a half-dozen years now. I have no intentions of shaving it.


Is it random or intentional that you are on the CT side of the NY/CT line?

I'm not really sure how it could be random. I'm not a dandelion seed. I don't just land where the wind blows me and decide to blossom there.


Why CT rather than NY? (I could see over CT over NJ, but why rather than NY?)

I've stated this in my blog before, but my other half received a job offer in Connecticut, and not in New York or New Jersey. So that's why I'm here.


Never cruised a bathroom before. Reading your blog post, it seems that if you want to get head, you got to be willing to pretty directly show the guy the goods. What if you misread and he's not looking to give head? A risk you have to take?

Public cruising of any sort is definitely risky. Not only are you betting that your locale is safe and quiet enough for some quick sexual contact, but you're also making a bet that the object of your desire is not only just as interested as you, but also isn't a cop.

Look, I've been doing this since my teens. Over the years I've gotten a pretty finely-honed sense of when guys are staring at me because they find me sexually interesting, instead of when they're staring at me because they think my hair's too long and I look like the lost drummer from ABBA. I've got a good sense of the body language and cues that men use when they're cruising, and aren't just killing time or having a hard time peeing. I know all the rituals of the toe-tap dance and the bend-and-peek beneath a restroom stall.

It's because I have a lot of experience with these things that I feel fairly confident about when and when not to pursue something. If you're a first-timer, it's going to be more difficult.

Don't let your lack of inexperience keep you from giving it a try. But always have a quick exit strategy in mind. Know your possible points of intrusion, and your escape routes. Don't be sloppy merely because you're horny and want to get off—go slowly, and make sure you're getting as much reciprocation as you're putting out there. And most of all, watch others and see what they're doing. You can learn the cues of cruising without saying a word, if you're observant.


Have you ever fallen in love with a fuck buddy?

I have. Sometimes more quickly than I expected.


Is the South (at least the part you've just been in) still becoming less distinctive?

When I was a kid growing up in the South, there was a lot of adult grumbling about the region losing its distinction from the rest of the country. It's true that to some extent my sleepy little city has become one of the bedroom communities for a much larger city to the north, and that the little mom and pop drug and hardware stores and local department stores have been replaced by CVS and Home Depot and the same old Macy's you can find anywhere else in the country.

But there are little traditions, like friendly banter with strangers, and the types of food that people eat and prepare, and the gracious gardens and the pride in home ownership, that are very much part and parcel of what I knew growing up. That hasn't changed much. And people still like to complain about the homogenization of the South, too. So some things never change.


What's the worst show on TV?

Usually it's the nightly news—at least, it's the most depressing.


Sorry you're having a rough time finding a hookup in CT. I live there myself. It's pretty bad. Lots of guys giving out fake pics (sometimes decades old, it seems), or guys that flake out. There are good guys in CT, though, so I hope you keep trying!

I appreciate the good words. I've seen fake pics everywhere (sometimes, the guys are using mine), and everywhere there are flake-outs. I still rank this state among the worst in actual follow-through, though.

I think things will ease when I grow a network of regulars, when I have a place where I can host sometimes again, and the more I get used to the notion that I might have to go into the city for what I want.

If you're only an hour away, why aren't we connecting? Email me.