Sunday Morning Questions: The Happiness Edition

I spent an unprecedented entire week on The Incident—and wanted to thank my readers for bearing with me while I did. It was an interesting exercise in writing about one night and the events that led up to it. I'm humbled by all the supportive comments you guys made as I attempted to explain what happened.

But fear not. We'll be back to a diet of smut and fucking this week. Those of you who've been hiding can come out, now.

I have a bit of news of my own, to which I alluded a week ago. Sometime in the near future I'll be moving from the midwest to coastal New England. About as coastal as one can get without actually sitting in the surf, apparently. It's a big step for The Breeder and his household. There'll be new places to see, new things to try . . . new asses to fuck.

The move itself is settled, but not the timing of it. Basically I will have to wait until my house sells before I follow to my new home on the east coast, sometime in or after October. When the transition happens, I might require a few days' down time from my blog. I'm warning you two and a half months (at least) in advance, people.  And in the meantime, I've got enough going on here, trying to fix up my ancient house a little before it goes on the market. Just be lenient if I miss an entry or two here and there. Or show up to meet and screw you with spackle in my hair.

With duty dispensed, we can proceed to this week's stimulating formspring.me questions. As always, if you've got a pressing question you'd like answered, feel free to pop over to my page there and ask, anonymously or not. Email always works, too.


How good is your gaydar? How much of it do you think is instinctual versus learned?
I think that men who are interested in other men—an impulse traditionally squelched in society—become masters of picking each other out through coded language. Some of that language in the past has been common interest in certain entertainers, or certain types of entertainment and self-expression . . . the concept of 'camp' comes to mind.

Part of that language is entirely body language. Gay men of a certain age, and from parts of the country in which cruising is more common, can be masters of ascertaining why another man's glance is lingering a few seconds too long on the face and form of a handsome man. We are able to notice the head-turns, the diversion of attention, the stance and aim of the body, and all the little things that tip off one man's surreptitious interest in another.

To me, that's gaydar, and it's mostly learned.


So, I read the post on the shitty person and that like took me way back when a guy I really really loved wanted to piss on me, for a sexual kink thing. In passing I must say that I was quite young(23). I still don't like people pissing on me,
A lot of people are never going to like watersports. That's okay. No form of sexual interplay is ever required, I think, save for a little human decency.

What I advise a lot of people, however, is to try to separate genuine aversion from fear. The two are often confusing. Perhaps you didn't like him pissing on you because you were afraid if you didn't do it, he might not like you anymore. If you ask yourself, "On what basis do I dislike watersports [or fisting, or kissing, or anal intercourse, or whatever it is]? Is it a true antipathy? Or am I merely scared of it?" If you're able to examine your feelings closely enough and realize that it's only fear holding you back, you might find it a valuable exercise to give what you fear a go, to see if that fear can be overcome.

You might still dislike it after. That's okay too. But at least you won't be controlled by your fears.


Does some guys' cum leave stains on your textiles?
It's nothing that a quick airing and flipping the blanket over can't hide.


A hot / cute delivery guy knocks on your door. How would you go about discovering whether he's sexually amenable to you and how would seduce him if you think he might be up for it?
I'm not sure I believe that the seduction of delivery boys is found anywhere outside of a porn movie. I would be most likely simply to engage the guy in conversation. Guys like to talk about themselves. And if it led to a friendly exchange of phone numbers, well, that'd be all for the better.

I kind of learned the hard way that it's probably not best to sleep with the help. I say it so loftily, as if I have countless servants, don't I? I've hired a couple of former tricks to do work for me though, and both times the complication was a major pain in the ass.


What is your "perfect meal" -- that meal should you be on Death Row and they asked for your last supper...what would it be?
Garlic whip and pita bread, followed by gyros, rice, and a dessert of German chocolate cake.

I love my mental food porn.


Have you ever had sex with a guy with a tattooed penis?
Yes. The last guy who topped me about seven or eight years ago had a tattooed penis. He had a tattooed everything, to be fair.


do u like to have sex with mexicans?
Surely. I've had several Mexican lovers.


How often is a guy interested in a post-sex cuddle?
It's been my experience that a lot of men who advertise for wild sex do so simply because they want to be held afterward. And there's nothing wrong with that. Sometimes I'm that guy.


Do you ever wish you lived in some place aside from Michigan? I ask because I grew up in Detroit (and subsequently left)...
During the months of October through May, I wish I lived somewhere, anywhere, warmer.

Of course now I'm planning to move somewhere equally cold. See how smart I am?


I luv a good long ddep pounding. What's the longest u've fucked without coming and what's the biggest cumload u have produced
About 90 minutes of constant fucking before I finally loaded the guy's ass was my longest; he was amazed at my stamina (particularly when I kept going without a break).

I don't usually measure my cumloads, but I think the biggest I ever had was one of the first times I was sharing a bottom with another guy. He was watching so intently when I went in, and the bottom was so particularly hot and tight, that I shot on entry. I remember the bottom's hole was dripping with what seemed like a gallon of fluid.


So we know you play classical piano and like show tunes...what other kinds of music are you into?
According to last.fm, my top-played artists are Jamiroquai, BWO, Sophe Ellis-Bextor, Bananarama, Scissor Sisters, The Feeling, Mika, Alcazar, Aimee Mann, Texas, and Cazwell.


Which singer(s) do you want to hear moaning before you as you thrust into her/him/them again and again?
Martin Rolinski of BWO. He's so pretty. I have to go masturbate now. Excuse me.


Whats the key to happiness?
Quite honestly, I don't think most people give themselves permission to be happy.

We're taught from a young age the virtues of self-denial--and not without good reason. Instant gratification is not the solution to everything. However, I think we as a culture have perfected the art of making ourselves miserable while wishing for something better for our lives. We're too frightened of financial peril to pursue the careers that make our lives meaningful, productive, and a joy; we settle into safe, adequate relationships because we're frightened of being alone.

We so rarely question the structures and traditions that keep us hidebound and miserable. And we don't want to give ourselves permission to enjoy our own lives, even as they slip away from us, minute by minute.

So if you want to be happy, start by believing you deserve the right. Then make the changes in your life to make it happen. The trip to happiness might be scary, but the reward might be well worth it.