Friday, July 13, 2012

Open Forum Friday: I Hate 69

I’m just going to throw it out there in a way I haven’t, before: I don’t like to 69.

Whew. That was liberating. Let me say it again: I don’t like to 69.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not repulsed by the idea of mutual simultaneous oral sex. If I’m in the heat of the moment and a guy whisper’s in my ear, Let’s 69, baby, I’m not going to wrinkle my nose, scoot myself away from him in repulsion and declare, “Icky-poo!” If I’m sucking on a guy and all of a sudden he makes a dive for my junk, I’m not going to inform him in a chilly voice to get the hell out and never return again.

The act of 69ing is fun enough, I suppose. It doesn’t make me lose my hard-on. It’s not repulsive in itself—certainly not like a guy squirting his leftover enema juice in my face, or someone asking me to drive finishing nails through his scrotum. (Both of which have happened to me, by the way.) In fact, on the list of Things I’m Officially Not Into, it probably ranks as one of the more arousing and enjoyable activities. But the simple fact is, I’d rather do just about anything else but.

Sometimes it seems that when I look back on all the guys who’ve hit on me during a one or two-week period, I can sense a statistically-skewed distribution of some sort. A trend, if you will. A couple of years ago I hit on a streak of guys who came to me with pre-lubed holes, which is something I haven’t encountered since; week before last I had several guys tell me something I hadn’t heard before, which was slight variations on, “You’ve aged really well.” (Thanks a bunch, fuckers.) I’ve had weeks of flakes, and weeks of slutty bottoms who want multiple cocks.

This last week was the week of the 69. I logged onto Manhunt a couple of times and I’d come back to find my inbox had accumulated a couple of letters with the subject line 69??, but no body. A reader sent me a lot of photos he’d collected from somebody’s Tumblr of guys going at it in a 69 position, and emailed them to me with all-cap message, THIS IS WHAT I WANT US TO DO. Guys kept mentioning it in their come-ons in a way they haven’t in a very long time. It was as if Oprah had featured 69ing in her book club or something, and suddenly everyone was hot to try it. (Is there a lot of 69 in Fifty Shades of Grey? Is that what’s going on?)

As I said, I like oral sex. I enjoy receiving it. I enjoy giving it. There have been times in the past, when I was much younger, that a guy would be sucking on my dick and I would feel guilty simply laying there and enjoying it. It’s tough for me sometimes simply to enjoy something without giving back. So if the guy’s meat was within sucking distance, I’d reluctantly suck on it too, mostly out of guilt. I’d rather have been sucking on it while he lay back and relaxed and enjoyed, not while he was working on me.

My experience of oral sex is entirely pleasurable until the moment comes when I take another man’s dick into my mouth. At that point, it’s almost too much sensation for me. Where before his tongue running over my cock head would make me gasp and groan and arch my back and wish for more, if I am having to divide my attentions between my own dick and his, suddenly that tongue simply feels like sandpaper—unpleasant and even painful. What’s a delightful slippery sensation when I’m sliding in and out of a mouth solo, suddenly becomes awkward and grating on my dick when 69ing.

It’s almost as if the pleasure centers in my mouth when I’m giving head switch off the receptive pleasure centers of my dick when I’m receiving it—except that if a third party is sucking me while I’m eating dick, I’m totally in hog heaven. I don’t know what the difference can be, unless it has something to do with the upside-down positioning required in a mutual 69.

I’ve done quite well managing to talk my way out of 69ing through most of my life, since I’ve pretty much always felt this way. Yet I feel slightly guilty when I encounter men for whom the position is a main course, who think that more than anything else it represents deep-down wallowin’ pig sex. Two dudes chompin’ on each other’s hogs. Yeah man! That’s the stuff! When I’m with one of those fellows I feel as if I missed the boat somehow.

I’m throwing this out to my readers to find out what they have to say about the matter. Is 69ing overrated? Am I doing it wrong—or is there something I should be doing to make it better? (And if so, do you want to help me practice?) Or is there a relatively mild act of which you’re not fond, yourself, and feel mildly embarrassed about admitting? Let’s talk it over in today’s open forum.

51 comments:

  1. i totally agree. either give or take. but both is just too much input. ;)

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    1. It really is! It goes straight from "a lot of good sensations" to "a lot of sensations, not all of them good".

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  2. I think you're spot on! I'm not a big fan of 69 either. I think it's an awkward position where you have to make sure you're in the right position to both gobble cock and be available to be eaten. That split focus sometimes does make me go soft. Love the idea of it but just doesn't work in practice. And you're right. A threesome is a different experience. For me, it's just that you don't have to be constrained to a particular position nor focused on both things at once. I can be sucking on a guy in a position that feels natural and, oh yeah, some other guy is sucking me off and it feels damn good.

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    1. I think the positioning has a lot to do with it too, Bruce—though I still don't like 69ing whether I'm on top, bottom, or whether we're side-by-side.

      The sensations in a 3-way are entirely different, and usually very damned good.

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  3. I also think the upside-down positioning is unpleasant. I believe it is because the frenulum area and the associated tissue delta on the underside, below the corona is the part of the penis with the larger amount of sensory nerve endings. In a natural position, the soft tissues of the tongue stimulate this area, but in an inverse position it comes into contact with the hard palate, which is kind of rough.

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  4. Gentle Breeder,

    I am a huge fan of 69ing. I love the feeling when a guy has his lips pressed around my dick and he is pistoning his dick in and out of my mouth. It gets me to cum in a matter of seconds though so I do tend to avoid it. But I love it. It feels frantic and erotic.

    Al

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    1. Al,

      I know we're all wired differently. I'm glad SOMEONE gets something out of it!

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  5. I'm on your side too. I wouldn't turn down 69 if it was the only option, but it's a last resort option for me. At my age, sex takes a lot of concentration. I need to concentrate on my dick and the great feelings when I'm getting head if I'm going to cum in under 30 minutes, and if I have to (or get to, depending on how I feel about it), blow someone at the same time, well then, that just divides my attention, and I'm only half as good at either.

    Nope. Like you, I'd rather give or receive, and give either 100% of my attention. Not both.

    To me, doing 69 is doing something half-assed....so to speak.

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    1. Jack, I kind of agree with you. It does seem more expedient than erotic. I'd like to stress that I'm not entirely opposed to it. It seems natural at some points. It is not, for me, the ultimate in erotic pleasure, though, or even an end point.

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  6. Oh thank you for mentioning this!! What the hell, I've been feeling that guilt for so long I thought it was just me!!

    I completely dislike 69 and its for two reasons:
    a) When I have someone down on me I just want to sit there, let my mind loose, watch him do it and enjoy!! And b) when I'm giving head, I want to give all my focus and concentration on the meat in my hands and mouth. I want to feel it and see the reaction of what I'm doing on the others body and face. I think the sight I'm seeing turns me on even more!!

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    1. Thommie, I agree with you on these points. I used to do 69 out of guilt and obligation, but these days, I just want to kick back and enjoy it. He'll come up for air when he wants a turn, I figure.

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  7. I've found I have less sensitivity afterwards and can orgasm more than once when I come from 69'ing.

    And when I do come while 69'ing, I love doing so with a dick in my mouth muffling my cries, it's such a turn on!

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    1. See, I orgasm more than once from fucking. But like I've said, everyone's wired differently. I'm just glad to know that there are men out there who genuinely enjoy it, as well as men who agree with me.

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  8. I feel the same way. Definitely has to do with the awkward positioning and the cognitive dissonance -- the divided-attention factor you mentioned. But mainly the positioning! When I'm with a guy I generally want to be in a position where it's easy to kiss. Even when you're doggy-fucking a guy it's easier to maneuver to kiss him. When you're 69ing it's like you have to engage in acrobatics to do anything else other than 69!

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    1. Cognitive dissonance. I like that. In fact, I think I get off more in that than 69-ing. C'mon. Say it again. "cognitive dissonace"!

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    2. Jason,

      Yes to this. It's a pain in the ass to have to wrangle joints and limbs to do anything else but suck in a 69 position!

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  9. I love 69 when the guy is the same size as me and has a tool about like mine. There's something kind of exciting to me about that mutuality, and it brings so much focus on the primacy of the cock-- in a way it's almost like sucking your own cock, if you match each other's tempo. However, the position does make a difference. For me a blowjob is all about the tongue, and with 69, the tongue is not on the most pleasure-giving spot of your dick (the underside below the pisshole)-- it's on the back of the helmet. And to me too much direct intense stimulation of that part of my dick is almost... it's hard to describe the feeling, but it's almost like a sting. But a good cocksucker can swirl his tongue around your dick even from a 69 position, and then it's a fine way to spend an afternoon, feasting on each other's groin. To be it's one of the best things about being gay-- I love the connection I have with a true bottom but I can't understand his pleasure at all. Head I can understand for sure, so I know the pleasure I'm giving as well as getting. But everyone's different!

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    1. To be fair, it's possible to 69 with a woman, too, so it's not just one of the best things about being gay. Though with a woman, you don't get that mutuality of the same organs in the same places, certainly.

      I can't imagine doing it for an afternoon, though. My dick would be limp after the first 20 minutes.

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  10. Maybe it's the "Summer of '69" for you. (I hope the Bryan Adams song isn't playing in your head all day. As opposed to giving head to Bryan Adams all day, which might be fun.)

    A relatively mild act of which I'm not fond? The head-over-the-edge-of-the-bed position for sucking cock. Y'know, cocksucker lying on his back, feeder standing over his head and thrusting. And I think it's the same reason I don't like 69: I don't like sucking dick upside-down. It's unnatural. It just doesn't feel right.

    Maybe that's why eat-and-be-eaten works in a threesome but not 1-on-1 69. I agree with your mathematical calculations, professor.

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    1. Throb, that's interesting. I don't mind the sensations I get in that position—in fact I remember having a downright good time with it with Scruffy. Remember Scruffy? Sigh. Scruffy loved that.

      But back to reality—it's odd, because it really is the same position, almost as 69, and yet I don't mind it.

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  11. I don't care for having my dick sucked anyway, so 69 is not something that happens. But I understand what you mean, it's like some people can eat and read at the same time. But I don't care for that, I have to do one then the other.

    For 69 the senses can be overloaded and the whole thing not enjoyable. Some people would rather consentrate on one activity and enjoy it to the fullest.

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  12. I, too, have to agree that 69 is a great idea, and looks great in the movies, but in real life, I prefer to make me or him the center of attention, and I can't do that properly with 69.
    As for 3-ways, I also have a bit of an issue with them sometimes, depending on who the players are. I love 3-ways when they continue to stimulate all parties, but have been in a couple where one of the guys starts feeling 'left out'. Again, I need to concentrate on one thing, but I often end up trying to keep everyone involved so they won't feel left out. I guess I am much better at 1-on-1 sex and prefer that.

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  13. I totally agree. I take sucking cock seriously so when I'm in a 69 it takes the pleasure right out because my own focus is elsewhere. I've done it a few times, and if there is a dick right there I will go for it, but otherwise no. But I have also found that of one person is rimming it isn't so bad. I can be in a rimming 69. I've found though that my height usually is a good excuse to get out of it. I can just point out that there is no way we can both suck dick at the same time and they usually accept it.

    As a side note, I don't know if it is the angle or what, but I seem to feel teeth more in a 69.

    -Ace

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    1. Interesting, Ace. I wonder if it's a teeth angle thing, in part.

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  14. Im one of the guys who prefer oral to fucking, and rough wrestling to both, but I'd prefer to trade oral back and forth right to the edge than 69. For me the position doesn't lend itself to maximum pleasure in either giving or getting good oral sex. So I'd rather switch than try to do both at once.

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    1. I'm all about the switching, Saab. For as long as it takes.

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  15. I like to look at two men in this position but I don't like to participate in one. I am not even that polite to say something. I simply change position. It's distracting and when the equipment in question is curved, it's quite an exercise.

    Also I am not very tall, and for some reason I often happen to befriend tall men, so these poor beaus would have to curl in an awkward fetal position around me to be able to fit everything in.

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    1. You know I'm 6'3", right?

      How you doin'?

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    2. 6'3" means you are 1,90m tall, no? I am, if I did the conversion correctly, 5'. (Zis american measurements are confusing.)

      I did dally with beaus who were over 6'5" though.

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  16. Eh....I can take it or leave it.

    And if I stop and think, I guess I've left it. I can't remember 69ing at all in the last 5 years....

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    1. We need a club. Like the Top's Lounge.

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  17. I'm glad you made a post of this! I've found little enjoyment from a 69 because I want to focus totally on my lover. It seems to be a mutually frustrating situation because neither party can focus on pleasure or being pleasured. There's a lot to be said for him sitting back in a chair and being able to lock eyes with his cock in your mouth which you won't get with a 69. On the flip side, being able to grab a handfull of his hair and knowing he hears you whisper that he's a good boy can't be done that way either... Just a couple thoughts...

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    1. Um, Zoe, I like your thoughts. C'mon over. :-)

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  18. I go a step further, I don't even really like getting head (though I'm a polite fella so I let it happen). Does that mean I only like six? Or nine?

    Jamie

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    1. What is it you don't like about getting head? I'm curious.

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  19. I have to agree, 69 is the a great sexual position to do or be in, if the guys are not the right height then one has to curve their body and then your just uncomfortable. I like giving head the old fashion way the guy laying down and me going at his junk till he cums or we are f*cking.

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    1. Maybe it's just that I'm so tall I have to curve my spine anyway, but I've never noticed a lot of straining in a 69 position—at least from having to bend. I agree that switching off is preferable for me, though.

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  20. 69 is like Walmart kink for me. People who think they are sexually daring do 69, but it really is quite pedestrian to me at least. I've done it but I'd rather get head and luxuriate in my head as it builds and then savor the moment as opposed to trying to give as much as I am getting at the same time.
    Matthew Darringer

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    1. So much yes to this. Some guys think it's the ultimate kinky pleasure, when it's pretty pedestrian and even sad, to me.

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  21. I whole-heartedly agree with you that 69ing is more fun in theory than in practice. Mostly for the same reasons as everyone else (hard to concentrate, rough sensations instead of pleasant ones), but also because I have been in too many situations where I ended up practically suffocating because the guy was on top thrusting his dick into my mouth (which I do like) but also smothering me with his balls, and thighs. When you can't breath, sucking in any form is just not fun.

    Lie back and let me go down on you. I have recently discovered that I really love to suck dick ... a lot ... not as much as I like to sit on a dick, but I have finally come into my own as a cocksucker, but not as 69er!

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    1. I've had that problem too, Tom. For some reason I seem always to end up on the bottom, and then I have the full weight of the guy bearing down on me and depending on his size, it's constraining.

      I like being on top even less, though.

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  22. Amen. I don't like to do it in a 69 position either. Most guys can't suck cock worth a dam in the upright position anyway. Besides when you suck cock upside down your mouth is doing it wrong. Sometimes the cocksucker with scrape the bottom of my cock and it really turns me off. No 69ing for me.
    SirRichard

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    1. Glad we're in agreement, SirRichard!

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  23. Looks as though most agree that 69 isn't what most of us want. I also prefer giving head but like to receive too. Just focus on one or the other. hal

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    1. Yeah, Hal, I really struck a chord with this one, it seems—at least among the guys who spoke up.

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  24. It _is_ awkward, and is almost never worth the effort and thank you for being the one to stand up and say it. It can only be done in a strictly limited number of positions, many of which are downright uncomfortable for one person or the other. You're always lying on top of someone, or underneath someone, or trying to get your shoulder under an ass to recapture an escaped cock that's flopping just out of reach or whatever. I don't think I have ever enjoyed a 69 with a guy, and I've certainly never cum during one.

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  25. I have to add that for me performing oral, especially in a 69, is one of the places where women win. The goal stays put, and I never have to fumble around with my hands to guide it back to my mouth because my lips can't quite grab hold.

    Now I just sound clumsy.

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  26. I'm glad someone else finally said it. Never have "liked" 69. Guys suggest it and...meh.

    For the same reasons as have been stated: I can only really concentrate on one thing at a time and do a good job.

    Plus, I'm pretty short (5'4") so the 6 doesn't quite align with the 9 most of the time.

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  27. I agree with you completely. I only do it when the other guy really wants it.

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  28. I don't like it either. The position is awkward, but mostly my attention span just cannot cope.

    Seph

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