Friday, January 25, 2013

Open Forum Friday: Selling It

After nearly three years of blogging about my sex life, I’ve developed a keen eye for the subjects that tend to be contentious. I know which topics are going to bring out the hateful comments and the howls of those who have a point to prove at someone else’s expense. I’ve learned the hard way which types of entries are going to elicit those little acid pools left by the dripping fangs of someone who only feels big when he’s anonymously venomous.

I almost wish I hadn’t figured it out. Because sometimes I’ll think about a topic, consider it for an entry, think about all the negative shit-storm that’ll follow, and just delete it from the list. And that’s no good, because it clearly causes me to write less.

But today I’m not so much here to write about the Negative Nancies and their desire to squelch anyone who thinks or lives differently from themselves, as I am to discuss a topic that inevitably raises their hackles. Because nothing brings out the irate and disparaging commenters as much as when I discuss the fact that sometimes I accept money for my sexual services.

It’s a taboo area of discussion or even contemplation for a lot of people. We have an cultivated knee-jerk reaction, as ‘nice people,’ automatically to assume a number of things about the people who get paid for sex. At best they think they’re hardened mercenaries who have no better way to earn money. They’re predators, out to make an easy buck. They can’t get a real job. They’re simply unfortunate. At the other end of the spectrum, they see sex workers as wicked, and evil. Diseased. Untouchables. They’re taught to think these things from an early age and taught so strictly not to deviate from a single way of thinking about people who are sex workers that it almost prevents any serious and critical thought about it. Hell, those in the sex trade aren’t even people to most folk. They become in many minds an awful, dreaded other, a subhuman species that’s disposable and forgettable and which should be ignored.

For the life of me I can’t figure out why my selling sex enrages and disgusts a small handful of (vocal) readers. It’s not like I’m telling them to fork over a twenty to read my sexual encounters. I don’t post on my profiles phrases like, LQQKing 4 generou$ men. I don’t hot men up and then suggest they make it worth my while with cold cash. In my youth and adulthood both, I never demanded cash for cock; I just accepted it when it was given me. I don’t claim to be an escort. (Hardly. Escorts are much better looking and have way better bodies than I.) I never suggest anyone pay me, I never demand it. I don’t have only an eye for the bottom line, and choose sex for cash over just good old-fashioned fucking.

To be totally honest, when my libido’s running on overdrive and my dick is hard and my pants barely holding onto my waist, exchanging sperm for cash is about the last thing on my mind.

Yet earlier this week, when I was contemplating my 2012 reported annual income for my tax returns, one thing that kind of leapt out at me was that when I compared the amount I made last year from pushing my artistic work to the amount I made from selling my body . . . well, it kind of made me half-wonder for a moment or two if I was in the wrong business.

If we look at the amount of income I’ve generated over the years from sex work, my life would look like a reverse bell curve. The graph would be high in my teens, start declining in my mid-twenties, bottom out to nothing during my thirties, and then swing back up to a new peak in my forties. It’s not something I think is an awesome accomplishment of my life. But I’m not ashamed of selling sex, either; I’ll talk about my experiences pretty openly. Mostly I just think it’s kind of a hoot that I’m racing up a half-century and still rake in pretty good bucks for my body.

Yet when some butthole of a reader decides to be snide and to write in a comment saying something like Aren’t you ashamed of having been a prostitute when you were a teen?, it makes me sigh, swat the irritation off my shoulders like a bull would a swarm of flies, and ask right back, Are you ashamed of having been a babysitter when you were younger? Because frankly, if one removes the stigma of the sexual component from the equation, the economic transactions are about the same. And there’s less puke to clean.

Though frankly I don’t know many people who would rather babysit brats for three or four hours when they could make four times the money in a fraction of the time getting a blow job. Nor do I know many people who made their first house downpayment with their babysitting or lawn-mowing money. Just sayin’.

As as bad as the misconceptions I think we have about sex workers, however, are those we have about those who buy it. I get those in my comments as well—the sneering implications that anyone who would pay for my time must be ancient, decrepit, blind, desperate, or some combination of the above. And probably leprous. People believe that anyone who would pay for sex must be unattractive, past his prime, and unable to get it any other way than preying on young victims. (Or me, if he’s really desperate.)

These people would be dead wrong.

Over the years I’ve found that men who offer to pay for sex fall into three broad types.

1. The Fetishists: These men get off on the little extra kick that the exchange of money lends to a sexual situation. Whether they’ve bought into the notion that adding a financial component to something they already consider sordid and dirty makes it doubly so, or whether they get off on the notion of being controlled through the wallet in the same way that some men like to be controlled with blindfolds, or restraints, or verbal domination, the exchange of money is vital to their enjoyment.

The cash slaves I’ve had fall into this category—that is the men who give me money to degrade and control them, whether or not we’ve actually met or not. So does the Latin boy I wrote about in my last entry, who empties his billfold into my pocket to prove how thoroughly I control him before I skull-fuck him and pound his little hole. So do the married men who fork over folded bills for my time and then breathlessly get off on a dick that other men have paid for.

2. The Justifiers: Some men, like the Landscaper, can only settle their consciences by rationalizing what they do in what is—let’s face it—a self-deluding way. They approach their sex not as a physical act, but as a financial transaction. To them, sex is best when it’s drained of all its implications of desire and need, and reduced to an entry in their Quicken ledger or the writing of a check. Everyone buys stuff. To these guys, paying a couple of hundred dollars to suck a dick is about as free of guilt and shame as a trip for groceries to Trader Joe’s. (In my opinion, the two are already equally shameless, but not everyone is as sexually liberal as I.)

3. The Businessmen: Some of these guys actually do have careers in business, but I use the phrase loosely. These are guys who feel their time is valuable; they’d rather pay someone to give them exactly what they want, than have to waste time hunting fruitlessly for it. They’re willing to pay a guy who has the look they want, or the dick size they want, or who can perform the specific act they crave. The money’s not a sticking point. Nor do they get off on paying a professional for his services any more than they might get off on hiring a guy to clean out the gutters on their houses in the autumn after the leaves have fallen. It’s simply a matter of expediency and guaranteed performance, for them. They get what they want, for a guaranteed period of time, with a minimum of fuss and complication.

I’d venture to say that the vast majority of men who’ve paid me for sex fall into this last category. The Texas department store magnate who forks over hundreds of dollars for three hours of my time in his hotel whenever he’s in the city is a handsome, virile, and surprisingly young man—but he’d rather have me come back time after time because I give him what he wants, and then some. The college professor in New Haven who could easily have just about any man he wanted, but who reads my blog and enjoys talking to me after the sex, pays me because I understand what makes him tick in bed and he’d rather not have to answer Craigslist ads for hours. The out-of-towners who contact me before their visits, pay ask me to reserve nights for them weeks in advance, pay me for the courtesy of arranging my calendar for them (and for the fucking).

Whatever it is, I have something all these men want. They consider it worth their money. So I pocket it, keep in mind the reasons they pay for sex, and attempt to exceed their expectations. They get what they need, and I have a little extra spending money for books and music and household expenses. Are they men unattractive? Lord, no. Not by a long shot. A handful of them are pictures of physical perfection. Are they old and senile? Most are mature enough to be earning a comfortable living, but some are young and barely scraping by, but need the thrill that saving up for a really good fuck can give them. Are they desperate?

Desperate for my dick, surely. But not desperate in the general sense of the word.

I know that many of my readers—probably more than most would suspect— have had experience with the sex trade. I’m curious to hear from those who have, in today’s open forum. If you’ve bought sex before, in what category would you consider yourself to be—or would you create a new category for yourself? If you’d sold it, how have you experiences compared to mine, with the types of men who pay for yourself?

I just ask that your comments be thoughtful and nonjudgmental. It’s not necessary automatically to preface your comments with a phrase like I’ve never paid for sex and never would, but. . . . I’ll probably delete comments like those. That kind of phrasing isn’t thoughtful. It’s just a way to to establish guiltlessness—which implies guilt for those who have paid, or received money, for sexual acts.

But insightful dialogue about money for sex? Bring it on, people. And enjoy your weekends.

38 comments:

  1. Personally love selling ive done all through college, I love the role playing and the fetishes and the money. Its fucking hell fun to get paid to fuck a hungry married man that begs like a bitch. A college professor got me turned on to the idea when he had a bud that asked what he was doing so to keep our affiar a secret he told me to become an escort and get paid to fuck. SO 14 years later married and kids in still selling. Twitter @DualLIfeDad

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    1. I suspect there are more of us than people know, Dad.

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  2. I think sexual warriors, like yourself, get to do whatever the hell they want. You get paid? Good for you... you're doing community service and banking some good, future Karma. Everything we put out there comes back to us in one form or another. As long as you have treated your clients well and run a clean house, then you can do as you please. I really appreciate that you blog and share your experiences. Rage on, you crazy diamond. - Uptonking from Wonderland Burlesque

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    1. Yeah, Upton. Sexual warrior! Rawr!

      This is actually the best comment I've had in a while. I'm going to cross-stitch it and hang it over my fireplace.

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  3. 1. """""I’ve learned the hard way which types of entries are going to elicit those little acid pools left by the dripping fangs of someone who only feels big when he’s anonymously venomous."""""

    -That line is great, one of your better ones I would say.

    2. It's no ones business what you or someone else does. Unless you are holding a gun to someones head demanding money, other people need to keep to themselves like with so many other topics in life.

    3. When I lived in Los Angeles the free gay papers were full of ads selling "massages" (wink wink) and a large number were the porn stars. My housemate once paid to have sex with his favorite porn star, he was willing pay for the pleasure of having a fantasy come true.

    Like you mentioned, some people are willing to pay to get what they want. If you are paying you make the rules, and if the other person is willing to accept the terms (and cash) then why not. And that rule could be treating the buyer like the pig he wants to be treated as.

    I had a friend who had rich old men pay for his house, two high end cars, vacations, 4yrs of USC and all it cost him was a couple of hours once a week and a trip to Cancun a couple of times a year. Most were married (to women) and they were willing to pay to have a good time and get what they wanted. And yes my friend still has a suit & tie full time job with a large company.

    4. While I myself have never paid for it, doesn't mean I never would. And while some people may say it's not the same thing, I have purchased used underwear from guys both porn stars and your average guy you meet online living in other areas of the country.

    5. You will always have people sending you hate mail no mater what the topic you blog about. You just need to ignore them and not respond to them. After awhile they will move on.

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    1. It's very easy to tell me to ignore something when one doesn't have to ignore it, themselves.

      I have some negative commenters who have been doing so for six months to a year, consistently, to every post, even though their comments never see the light of day here.

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  4. I love coming here and reading your stories. I can honestly say that I don't always agree with everything you have written but I feel I am a guest here and that you are providing free entertainment. Who the hell am I to judge you?

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    1. Thank you, anonymous! That's the way we should feel about all the sites we visit.

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  5. More power to you my friend. If you have the time flexability, and the knack for knowing how to satisfy them lime few others, you have every right to o it.

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  6. I will say that I have, indeed, paid for sex. And very rarely was I disappointed in the experience. There's something about the lack of artifice--and i will admit there's also a hint of the control issue. If I'm paying for it, I don't face the specter of rejection.

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    1. You're right about the lack of rejection, Richard (though I suspect they could still say no...don't let it freak you out, though). I thought for you the prospect of getting exactly what you wanted was what kept you going back, though?

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  7. I think for my comment here I'd rather cloak myself and not comment under my usual alias. Maybe that amount of paranoia borders on narcissism, but I feel a bit more comfortable.

    "At best they think they’re hardened mercenaries who have no better way to earn money."

    I was a sex worker for a long time, and bowed out when I turned thirty-three. It was a good age to stop. Often when people make their uninformed comments about sex work to me, it's hard for me to stay silent, because some of their assumptions are so thoughtless and idiotic, I actually feel lobotomised while listening to them.

    "In my youth and adulthood both, I never demanded cash for cock; I just accepted it when it was given me."

    I wouldn't classify you as a sexworker since it seems more a kink or hobby as you will? You accept money, but it reads as if this act belongs more to a game rather than a financial necessity?

    "People believe that anyone who would pay for sex must be unattractive, past his prime, and unable to get it any other way than preying on young victims."

    Especially many women seem to not realize that men do have stronger sexual needs and "thoughtful, romantic intercourse" every eight weeks isn't really enough. I had unattractive customers as well, but most were ordinary men.

    As a human being that job made me kinder, if anything. I learned a lot about my customers. Some were mediocre, a few unpleasant, but most of them were nice, decent men. And then, some were very entertaining, funny, smart, men who could have charmed every woman (or man :) ... I never understood why they preferred to pay me instead of going home with a gorgeous model but then maybe they'd fall in one of the categories you described and do it for the illicitness ...

    I never understood why my gay friends refused to accept money for sex. It seemed a waste: if you're going to have sex with strangers in a dark room anyway, why not just earn a bit of cash? Those drinks, the coke and the Gaultier boots don't pay themselves after all, but maybe that's the "hardened mercenary" part of me ... Maybe men are more opposed to be pragmatical about sex? (Except for you, my dear, thankfully ;)

    I knew a lot of straight sex workers catering to men. Just a coincidence? What's up with that?

    I have good memories about my time as a sex worker as deranged that may sound. For some years it was a main part of my life. Despite having a day job I also worked for several agencies as an escort.

    "Escorts are much better looking and have way better bodies than I."

    ... No. Granted, only a few make the famous "Being flown to Dubai to sip champagne with a prince" status, but I look quite ordinary and have made a decent income. A lot of women and men looking decidedly worse than I do, earned good money. (I don't remember too well, but it may have been, that boys earned a bit less than women.) The instagrammed pics of your body are very nice ;)

    I have met people I would have never met otherwise, did things I'd never have done. Often I enjoyed myself, although I had my fair share of bad sex. But then lots of other people do as well, without getting paid for it.

    Maybe the only risk is that it can get emotionally messy sometimes. Often you do encounter men who are emotionally instable or needy and it actually requires a lot of tact to navigate that kind of customer relationship.

    I have also paid for sex as well, but when you're a sex worker, it's more an act of loyalty than anything else, especially in the dead hours between 9am and noon.

    Once my friends bought me a hooker as a birthday present, (he was blond, blue-eyed and very gorgeous, and like in a bad movie wanted to be an actor), which was one of the nicest presents I've ever got.

    Btw, I also tried Craigslist, when I was looking for someone for my husband (as a surprise) ... and I really can't recommend it.

    The next time I call you :)

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    1. It's sad that my takeaway from this thoughtful and provocative comment is, "Gaultier boots, huh?"

      Can't I be a part-time sex worker? An adjunct?

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    2. Just one correction: When I wrote "I knew a lot of straight sex workers catering to men." I meant male sex workers. This has often baffled me because I assumed the male-to-male sex business would be naturally overrun by gay men.

      What about 'The Occasional Concubine'? Too effeminate?

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  8. Speaking of cash for sex, we haven't heard an update of the guy who pays to touch your dick in the van every so often. How's that situation going. I love that series of stories.

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  9. I've gotten paid for sex exactly once. And it wasn't a bad experience, but it definitely did make me face all my prejudices on the matter. In theory, I knew the archetypes that you described. He posted an ad on Craigslist (I know! Probably a rare instance where it just didn't turn out completely odd or bad) and he was definitely "the businessman". But I still couldn't shake the fact that the images that came to my head were of unattractive, disease-ridden guys that will do anything to get someone in bed. He was quite the opposite, actually. Classic blond, blue-eyed good looks. He just wanted something really specific: my piss and cum load down his throat for forty bucks and didn't want the hassle of hooking up with a guy that wasn't into it. It wasn't even the money that made me answer the ad. Honestly, I was horny as fuck, hadn't had good piss play in awhile and he was geographically convenient. I was definitely out of my element though and it was because of that, I never came back. I couldn't quite get my head in the game (but don't worry. he still got his loads and i still got my relief and my forty bucks).

    And thinking about it a bit, I've paid for a few massages that ended up in happy endings. I don't push for it, but I also sometimes seek out the guys that I find attractive for the body work. And when I do, I think I'm at my most submissive. Heightened sense being in a dark room and totally passive focusing on the guy doing the work and what he's doing to me. Partly painful as he works out the knots and partly soothing afterwards, either way accepting it however he dishes it out. And an intense tension as I figure out if it's going to go down that path where it turns into something sexual. When it does, I let it go where ever he wants to take it. Oral, anal, top, bottom, hand job, or nothing at all. Hm. And I think I'm paying for that hour or two of just sitting back and enjoying the ride.

    My friend that had moved to CA from the south dealt with the culture shock by massages with a little something extra. He felt like a fish out of water and it was a big blow to his self-confidence so he just paid for it to avoid rejection. Weird thing was that guys were falling right and left over him. Even after I ended up in a three-way with him where he was obviously the center of attention, I couldn't shake his doubts and he eventually moved back and is now happily partnered. I kinda want to ask if he still gets massages, but that's kinda tacky. Ha!

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    1. That was really a thoughtful comment, Bruce. I know a lot of the happy-endings massage work falls under the sex work category, but it seems so tame compared to the penetrative sex that other escorts have. Or maybe it is because of the complete passivity of the man being massaged.

      But you're right; it is very much the same thing, and I was interested in reading about it.

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  10. When I was in my 20's an older friend advised me to take cash.. For what I was giving away frequently and freely. When money was offered, unsolicited by me, I ran. Blessed with a big dick I had a great time. Looking back I should have followed my friends advice!
    Beardedtop

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  11. I've got to start by saying I discovered your blog a couple of months ago and enjoy it a great deal. I'm now in the process of reading all of your posts in order starting with 2010!

    As to paying for sex, I've been doing it for many years and started just for the adventure of it when visiting San Francisco as I do every year. I still see the first fellow I hired in 2000 and we have done a lot of exploring of fantasies. Another fellow that I first met in 2002 I continued to see twice a year for five years until he retired at the age of 50 (I wouldn't have guessed his real age) and we have continued to email on and off since then. I guess I fall into category 3 -- Businessman -- but I consider it just another aspect to the extensive sexual life I've been living for almost 40 years. I still attend semi-weekly (or is that bi-weekly? -- every other week) orgies organized by a man whose dick I've been sucking since 1995. Anyway, I consider hiring an escort to be an adventure and an opportunity to explore new experiences that I might not feel comfortable exploring with a hookup. So besides and adventure, it's a matter of trust, particularly when there are escort sites that publish reviews.

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    1. Oh dear, Anonymous. You really are a glutton for punishment. Enjoy yourself, though. (And for god's sake, pace yourself.)

      Hiring an escort is indeed an adventure. I'm glad it's been enjoyable for you!

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  12. Maybe I'm seeing things all wrong, but I never understood making moral distinctions between "types" of people in sex work, e.g. people feel (relatively speaking) guilt-free and happy to pay into the porn megaverse and the billions of dollars made through it each year. Of course, maybe that type of sex work is easier to accept because we've found a way to turn it into a well regulated, organized, profitable industry. Seriously though, what else is porn but paying people to engage in sex acts? Somehow theres a moral difference if I pay two people to fuck in front of me in the same room? As far as double standards go, this is one of the more ridiculous examples.
    As far as paying for a sexual service for myself, the closest I came was getting a happy ending after a massage in a high-end spa. It was completely unexpected--I didnt ask for it, or even expect it, as I had many happy-ending-free massages from this same person before. As I was getting dressed, I couldnt help but be amused at the idea that I had unwittingly paid for some form of sexual service. However I never got that satisfaction because he refused to let me pay him anything for it, no matter how much I insisted!
    -Ethan

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    1. No, you're right, Ethan. There's really not a lot of difference between porn and sex work other than proximity and actual contact. But people have all sorts of ways of perpetuating their own double-standards, and sneering at others who don't measure up to themselves.

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  13. I always have and always will respect sex workers. I would sell it myself if I knew the proper way to go about it without getting caught. I can't even cruise properly. :(

    -Adrian

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    1. We'll go cruising together. It's all about the eye contact.

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  14. This argument has played out for centuries. Consenting adults should legally be permitted to do what they want. Cash, no cash - it makes no difference to me. The way I look at it is that the exchange of cash is either a necessity or fun - what's wrong with either scenario? And I do find it off that anyone reading your blog would take offense to this. Apart from some occasional snarkiness, this is about the least judgemental blog you'll find on the net. So if they aren't regular readers, don't worry about their hate mail.

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    1. Amen, Loki.

      As for the readers, a lot of them come here to titillate themselves and then (I suspect once they've gotten off) to castigate me for arousing them. And actually, some of them count more as regular readers than many of my commenters, because they'll post their venom almost daily. It might not make the comments page, but they're consistent about telling me I'm vile/going to hell/evil/an adulterer, or whatever their beef of the moment might be.

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  15. I too have paid for sex on several occassions and see nothing wrong with it.
    BlkJack

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    1. Twenty dolla to make you holla, BlkJack. . . .

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  16. Nothing at all wrong with paying for sex. I've paid for it and would fall into the "Businessman" category.

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    1. You're preaching to the choir, Simon. Good for you!

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  17. Another incredibly well-written and thought-provoking article. And one in which I cannot find anything to disagree with.

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    1. Why would you even try, Anonymous? :-)

      Thank you!

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    2. Rob--as always, great post. I'm just wondering: has it ever occurred to you that some of the negative reactions you receive when discussing sex work may be due to simple jealousy? I'm sure there are lots of guys out here who are considered cute, handsome, whatever, know they're in great shape, LOVE sex, and would like nothing better than to get paid for it at times. However, if we're not blessed by God with a thick 8" or better, we figure there's no market. Do you think there's a demand for top guys with perfectly respectable 6.5 and 7 inchers? Or are we left to be jealous of you and the other horses we see in the shower at the gym? BTW, if you wanted to run an on-line webinar on the mechanics of establishing a sex work practice, I suspect you'd have a lot of takers. And if you're ever in Atlanta.....

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  18. You are an excellent writer. Thank you. I'm not sure I've ever paid directly for sex. However, I do have a bi sex buddy who is a poor grad student. I always pay for meals and drinks. I've bought him underwear that I know will appeal to him (and me). I've given him cash to make rent etc. I feel funny if I leave cash after a sexual encounter, but I don't get to see him very often. He has never asked for money. It's just something I have that he does not and I seek to make his life a bit easier. I'd fall into "business man" category and would be more than willing to pay, but I'm always afraid of a sting operation. I can't risk that one. Regards, A

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  19. I've been reading your blog since inception and never imagined you escorted. Between yur lover, day time work, many sexcapades, how do you have time? Anyways , you are an amazing writer and an amazing lay.

    I've paid for sex since I was 27 and have counted about 8 experiences so far. For me it's realising a fantasy and whilst most of the encounters were positive, 2-3 of them didn't turn out that great. I know of people who got paid for sex and I say that as long as it's consensual and safe, who's to judge?

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  20. I think this is my first time posting on your blog, which I enjoy very much as it is intelligent as well as sexy. Kudos. Also relate to the fact that you are an artist and a dad, me too. And I was married once too. Plus I love that you are a top. Enough qualifying. In my 20's I realized really quickly that a cute blonde thin kid could bank if he would escort. I, of course, was too good for that. But, I now know and realize that I was no better off than the street walker. I met my first partner when I was 21. He was 29. Just enough older that he had finished college and had a great job that he had established himself in. I became his within 6 months and lived with him for the next three and a half years. I never paid rent, bought groceries or paid for my clothes. I finished college. I had credit cards, his. I felt I had married well and was entitled. A year after we broke up, I met another successful 29 year old business man and moved in with him. Same story, only he also provided me with a ton of cocaine. I was not a hooker, but I was a user. But, I did pay it all back in that I married a woman in my "maybe it is a choice" phase and she never worked or contributed financially.
    Now, I am in my 40s, single, stable and living my life for myself. My youngest child just turned 18 so I feel a sense of completion that is allowing me to pursue my true self even further. Last month I filmed scenes for a major gay porn company, so, now I have officially been paid for sex. I said earlier that I was a user, now I retract that. What I was, and have always been, is a survivor. When I was young, I did what I needed to do. Now I do what I want to do. I have to admit, it did turn me on to think that I was paid to have sex with hot men so other men can jerk off while watching it! I totally get the self-esteem issue that another poster mentioned. I plan and hope to do it again. Like you mentioned, it is funny that we 40 somethings still have something worth paying for. I remember thinking 40 was too old to even consider fucking.

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