Monday, March 18, 2013

The Reports of My Death Are Greatly Exaggerated

The third anniversary of my online blog has come and gone. It’s been more than a month since I last wrote about my life. I’ve been licking my wounds during those weeks. I won’t go into the details of why, exactly—but I will say that betrayal has left a very bad taste in my mouth. Even now, it’s difficult for me to muster up any enthusiasm to write.

When I started this blog, it was from a combination of lofty intentions and basic braggadocio. It seemed to me that remarkably few people were talking frankly and unabashedly about real sexual lives. There were a lot of blogs out there tallying loads collected at the bookstores, or that combined unlikely scenarios with cheap porn-movie dialogue. There were a lot of blogs that were simply collections of porn clips, or unerotic erotica based on some black-and-white photo of a shirtless stud. But thoughtful pieces of actual writing about real sex, with its joys and pitfalls and its awkwardnesses and its humorous moments were few and very far between.

I think that’s a pity. Cultures develop narratives about the acceptable lives that individuals can live within its confines, and it’s easy to play out our existences against prefabricated stage sets that have little to do with what our stories actually are at any given moment. Little straight boys and girls grow up with the notion that they’ll maybe lose their virginity at the age of eighteen when it’s perfectly legal and aboveboard, that they’ll have a couple of—but not too many—sexual encounters in their twenties within the context of steady dating, and that they’ll then meet the great love of their lives, with whom they’ll settle down forever in bliss and sexual exclusivity for the rest of their lives.

We all know it doesn’t happen like this. We come from families that are broken, that have divorces and affairs. We have parents who’ve cheated on each other, and brothers and sisters who are total whores before they settle down. We know of marriages with swingers, and couples who are open, or who’ve made their own arrangements that have little to do with antiquated notions of sexual fidelity. We know marriages that don’t last forever, or that dry up sexually, or that just should never have been attempted to begin with. We all know, on some level, that this standardized domestic narrative doesn’t always work. Maybe it doesn’t even often work.

And yet, when it doesn’t work for us, we torture ourselves because we’ve been carefully taught that they ought to. When they don’t, too many people don’t blame the unrealistic expectations of the narrative. We blame ourselves, and our own lacks.

For years gay men and women had to invent their own narratives; we weren’t discussed in the mainstream culture except as monsters, or as invisible creatures dwelling on the margins on society. But look at what’s happening to us now: there’s an expectation (formed just over the last ten years, but now accepted as cultural gospel) that all the gay boys want to settle down forever with a nice boy and adopt a pretty baby to dress up, and that all the gay girls want to find a nice lesbian to move in with after the second date. We’re expected to hold our breaths for every marriage equality debate. On television we used to be silly, sexless fairies. Now we’re silly, sexless married couples with infants. We’re being accommodated into the mainstream—even if it’s a mainstream narrative that doesn’t ring true for so many of us.

What happens to those of us with stories and experiences that in no way conform to the mainstream narrative we tell ourselves as a society is that we’re regarded at best as oddities. We’re exceptions. Freaks. At worst, we’re demons and monsters, trying to tear apart the fabric of polite society. Never mind, mind you, that if a heavenly apocalypse befell the earth and our souls and thoughts and deeds were laid bare by some godly archangel, the number of those who failed to deviate from the mainstream would be vanishingly small, and would consist only of the timid and the unimaginative.

Face it. We’re all freaks. We want to do things with our privates that our parents told us we shouldn’t. We fuck in the dark and pretend we didn’t by daylight. We keep our sex lives—our real sex lives, not the ones we pretend to have for the sake of our families and our reputations—mum. All because we’re too frightened to let anyone think we’re one of those people. A deviant. A freak.

Over the course of the years of my public blogging, I’ve had no problems talking about all kinds of things I’d never seen anywhere else. I’ve discussed my pubescent sexuality, my sexual assault, my love affairs—the ones genuinely involving love, that is. I’ve celebrated my strengths, like my ability to read men and their needs even better than they can sometimes read themselves. Like the sexual fearlessness that’s made my life a great adventure. Like my ability to put men at ease, and to give them not only what they think they want, but what they secretly crave and can’t bring themselves to express.

But among the sexy confidence I sometimes exude, I’ve also been remarkably forthright about my own faults and shortcomings. I’ve discussed incidents in which I flatly fell short of both my own expectations and those of my partners. I’ve talked about times I’ve let down friends, or failed to do the right thing. I’ve explored the times I was a disappointment. Rather than disguise these blemishes with paint or to leave them in the shadows, I’ve put my own imperfections squarely center stage and shone upon them harsh spotlights for my audience of millions—I regularly expose my own arrogance, my competitiveness, my short temper, my selfishness. I don’t pretend to be virtuous, by any means. I know, without need for readers to inform me via emails to my Manhunt or Adam4Adam accounts, that my ‘looks are not all that.’ I’ve never pretended I wasn’t susceptible to flattery, or that my vanity wasn’t the Audrey 2 from Little Shop of Horrors, always demanding to be fed. I know these things. Because I present them to you, you know these things.

In return for rolling over and exposing my white, soft, lard-like underbelly, however, I’ve always assumed there was an implied contract with my readers. I’m offering this to you as a gift, I thought I was telling them. I’m revealing you so much of myself, good and bad, ugly and hot. And all I ask in return is that you treat these offerings, and the men involved, with a little respect, and not to trample upon them. I never expected reverence, or to be showered with compliments and gifts (though I’m craven enough to enjoy that when it happens). I don’t get fortune for it. I don’t get fame.

Over the three years I’ve kept this blog, I’ve found that I’ve gotten repaid sweetly and amply by the friendships I’ve made. There’ve been men I’ve met in person who are dear friends of mine. There are readers whose friendships were like summer wildflowers—blossoming for a time and then fading and blowing away at the end of a season. I’ve had beautiful boys and handsome men and wonderful women reach out to me with their stories and their photos, to let me know that they’re glad to have me in their lives.

That is wonderful. I love that every one of these remarkable people who recognize that everything I present to them is a gift not only from my loins, but from my heart. Thank you all, very deeply and sincerely.

There’s another brand of person, however, for whom everything is never enough. I serve them so much of myself, and they don’t respond with thanks. They don’t push their plate away when I’m done and declare they’re full. Instead, they sit there with knife and fork in hand, napkin tucked in their shirt collar, pounding their fists on the table and demanding more, more, more. It’s not enough to know my sexual secrets, my history, my disappointments and joys. The abundance I give doesn’t satisfy them. They demand more.

They pry. They snoop. They break open doors I’ve locked and root through closets I thought were sealed. And really, it’s not as if they use what they find in order to understand me better. They grub around so that they can find things that give them what they imagine is control over me. Dirty secrets of which they think I’m ashamed. (I’m probably not.) Inconsistencies that they imagine will bring my house of cards a-tumbling. (When basically, I’m just inconsistent.)

I am totally aware that I am displaying the typical grandiose paranoia associated with most of the songs on sophomore albums released by former boy band members, but damn, bitch, when you’re all famous ’n’ shit, everybody want a piece of you, yo.

But seriously. When I encounter situations in which these people to get out of control, I find them draining. They suck my attention, and my energy. For the last month, one situation in particular has just left a sour taste in my mouth when it comes to my blog.

I want to enjoy writing again. I’ve got no bombastic delusions that what I do here is akin to Proust, or alternately is the Lord’s work. But in a landscape in which the frigid gyrations of Fifty Shades of Grey is what passes for wildly erotic, or real bloggers are trying to pass off awkward fantasies as anyone’s actual sex life, I think there’s a need for real voices talking about real sex lives—about real feelings.

If I’ve had a mission statement all along, it’s been to get down to the core of my encounters, past and present, and isolate those elements that make them important. I’ve wanted to preserve those sweet moments, the memories of which make life worth living during dark, cold days. The absurdities, the funny quirks that make an encounter more than just another load. Everything that elevates animal copulation into human intimacy—those are the things that are important to me.

Not caring enough to write about them—which is the pit in which I’ve been nursing my bruises for the last month—has just about killed me.

To those of you who were concerned enough over the last few weeks to reach out and ask if I’m okay, I offer my thanks. I’ll try to respond to those emails personally in the coming days. (Okay, let’s be honest. It’ll be weeks.)

I’m tiptoeing back into the waters, here. I can’t guarantee I’ll have the stomach to resume at the same vigor or frequency as before, but I think that as touch-and-go as it was for a while there, I’ve managed to convince myself that writing here is something I find worthwhile.

Convincing myself, I’ve found, is usually the biggest hurdle.


  1. Rob,
    I look forward to your writings daily and wondered what happened to you. I am considered odd in this world and it seems its an open invitation to extract all the insecurities "they" have about themselves on me. It would be a surprise to them to find out I am not only normal, but compasionate and caring. I rarely open myself to the abuse you are experiencing, better for me to live in silence and alone than to feel the pain of rejection or abuse. I like your writing even though I dont always agree with the lifestyle. I accept its you not me and I have no need or desire to criticize. I hope you continue.

  2. I'm glad you're ok. I'm a new reader, and I must say I hope you can find your way back to the enjoyment of writing, for your sake as well as all of ours.

    I've had blogs before, but they were always tied to my social media accounts and I could never truly say the things I wanted because of worrying about hurting people I care about (but still want to rant about.) Now that my current blog is more or less anonymous, I'm really loving just putting it all out there! I'd hate to lose that feeling so I hope it comes back for you.

  3. I know what you mean. Some of my blog posts have been about sexual encounters that didn't turn as I hoped or expected, and I actually get complaints that I didn't write a good ending! Reality sometimes is not enough for some readers. Just keep doing it. Some of us get it. Some of us appreciate it. And fuck the rest. Literally and figuratively if you can!

  4. Very open, very honest, I've rarely commented but always found your blogging to be real, not fantasies as you mentioned. I'm glad to hear you are OK, in time, I hope you will be better. Bear hugs from here to you.

  5. Wow. I just thought you were going through a quiet spell. Powerful words, and I wish you well.

  6. Welcome back Robb -- The previous comments capture my feelings and thoughts that I could not adequately express for myself. I am glad that you are back and please know that I care about your well-being and your blog and posts. You do offer a lot of yourself and I appreciate that as I have been able to grow and mature from your posts. It's a gift you offer that is quite amazing and remarkable. Thank you. support, love and hugs, sammybear

  7. I'm so glad to hear from you again, Rob. Frankly, I've been worried about you, but like Weston, I told myself you were just temporarily distracted by real life. So sorry to hear what that entailed, in this case.

    You'll find an "Are you OK?" e-mail from me from a few weeks ago among the mountain of similar messages as you and your sherpas navigate that imposing slope (I hate it when metaphors completely get away from me). Till then, be well and know that most of us you have reached through your writing are just as solidly in your corner as we ever were.

    Sending you a great big hug.

  8. Rob, Spring is about to arrive for all of us who read and enjoy your blog. I'm so glad that the delay was not a physical illness or family crisis (your father). I'm sorry that you were so hurt and put in such a dark place by some of the readers. Please try to disregard them and know that you bring enjoyment, education and most of all emotional honesty to a great many people. Your were missed and your return should certainly be at your own pace. Hugs, PBB

  9. I must say I thought one of two things happen to keep you away so long. One of them being something bad happening to your father, so by your words today I'll go with he's ok since nothing was mentioned about him.

    I hope things pass and you feel better about things. Getting back into the swing of blogging may take awhile. I had a blog in another site and wrote things all the time. Then it shut down and we all had to find a new home and since then the urge to blog hasn't really been there.

    Give it time, relax, take a deep breath and just remember it's cyberland so you don't have to do anything you don't feel like doing.

  10. Welcome back Mr. Stead. I truly missed you and was very worried about you.
    Please find the strength to continue.
    Ignore the bitches that try to bring you down.

  11. I'm glad you're writing again. I hope that it was only your desire to write that was injured and not your sex life or overall happiness. Welcome back.

  12. You've been missed.

    I don't know if it is germane to your recent problems, but there have been a rash of assholes trying to track down the real identities of bloggers, not so much to blackmail them, but who knows, just to be creepy. Hope that isn't a problem for you.

    You have given so much with your journal, so much open and honest discussion of what can only be fantasy for many of us jealous readers. I am a huge fan of your memories of youthful experimentation, just the beautiful descriptions of the time and the environment. Okay, and the sex too.

    I recall you mowing the lawn and looking back at the house where the older gentleman was secretly watching you. You took off your shirt and gave him a show. More recently, the religious man in the nice car driving through the park - he was the real sinner. And who could forget The Fulcrum.

    To quote others, "Ignore the bitches" and welcome back. You are much loved and admired.

  13. Tom's "Ignore the bitches that try to bring you down" just made me laugh and say, "Fuck yeah." Way more insightful than anything I can muster in my awkward collage of words strung in a sentence... right down to the double meaning of bringin' you down... Not just any emotional strain someone could cause but also the malicious invasion and attack of a guy's effort to do something successfully. And that's why I'm adding my two cents. I have to say that whatever happens next, you've probably exceeded your "lofty intentions." There's just something really beautiful of reading about another who's had such different experiences on the surface but composes it in such a way that deeply resounds on a personal level so often and with so many people. And those connections that we make, physically and through sharing/blogging, make me kinda giddy. I was watching the first few minutes of the docudrama Howl and that thing that Ginsberg says about trying to move away from preconceived notions of writing and literature and how hard it is to get to that authentic space where we break down the walls to write about what we really do... really makes me connect with what you've said about the castrated queer in traditional media representations.
    Blah, blah. Getting all wordy now.
    I guess what I want to say is I dig you man and am so pained that you've been dragged though some shit and a little bit sad that some can't just nuture a voice that's so refreshing welcome but instead destroy it.
    Big, big hugs.

  14. Robb,

    Delighted you are physically fine. Through your writings, I feared you just had enough with the impolite, ungrateful readers. I would not have been suprised if you said fuck it, I'm done.

    Those of us who appreciate you style and substace, I say welcome back. You were missed.

    You take your prose to heart. Your sharing is sincere, honest and probing. For the readers who are taking your gifts and acting inappropriately .. May I suggest a simple key stroke.. Delete?

    I hope your hurt heals.


  15. I just discovered your blog a few weeks ago. Having read this latest post, I really hope you are bouncing back. Yours is the kind of blog I've wanted to write myself, but never had the courage. Best of luck from a new booster.

  16. I have been reading this blog since the start & I can't tell you enough on how this blog has helped me with my life. From what to expect when entering a bath house for the first time to the pride in being called a faggot. It might be sad to say but as a young gay male in a small community, the information you have written about has been vital for my understanding of my own sexuality and living life without guilt and shame. You said we are freaks and that is true, but you have to understand that popularity and anonymity will always attract good and bad people alike. You're insight and wisdom is doing alot more for the people you are reaching through the internet compared to the obsessed haters that plague everyone and evertything. Please don't stop writing because of a small percentage of haters because I don't think you realize how many people you are helping through this blog.

    -Aaron M

  17. Thank you for posting even though it had to painful for you to write. Your humanity is what makes this blog worth reading and I don't want to imagine how difficult that must be while you're in the midst of any kind of hardship.
    Best of luck to you as I peacefully await future posts.

  18. Rob,

    I am so glad to hear that you are physically OK. Some of us were very worried about you. Take the time you need.


  19. Rob,
    I too, am glad to hear you are physically fine. I won't repeat the same sentiment the others have expressed, but just to say that I appreciate all that you share and look forward to your return.

  20. Rob,
    It's so hard to write to a writer who is as gifted and skillful as you, so I'll just free associate. I hate that you were hurt. Your work has been so powerful and meaningful for me that when it stopped I felt a tremendous, painful loss. I opened your blog even before I read my mail each morning and you were gone. Silent. Lost. Thank you for coming back to us. You have a natural gift that keeps on giving. Under different circumstances (openly gay and not married) your blogs would be collected into a book that would dominate the best seller lists, pushing 50 shades into the underbrush.

  21. I'm sorry to hear that someone dug where they weren't wanted and hurt you. It's certainly not called for and certainly insane. Hang in there, you're better than they are. Like everyone else, I have learned from you, and have increased my own sexual pleasure and experiences after being inspired by your candor, and your delightful sense of humor! Thank you for everything these past three years-and Happy Belated Blogging Birthday.

  22. Mr. Steed,

    I've not written before but discovered your blog last year through the Treasure Island website and have been working my way through from the beginning. I can't tell you how much your blog has meant to me -- not just for the entertainment value but for your insight into the human condition -- you frequently observe something the same way I would or have, and that makes me feel that you are a kindred spirit -- perhaps a bit more adventurous but having been in the trenches, so to speak, for 40 years, I can appreciate what you are doing here. I know I'm raving and probably not making much sense but I was worried you and am now relieved that, although you are not feeling 100% about the blog, that you will be continuing. Thank for for that, and thank you for the many hours of enjoyment and arousal your blog has delivered.

    Hogfather, NYC

  23. Hey Rob, You were so very much missed and glad that you are unharmed - at least physically. As someone else mentioned some of us appreciate what you do. Fuck the rest of them. Welcome back and looking forward to more of what you offer.

  24. Welcome back Rob.
    You don't know me. I only know you through your blog. But consider yourself hugged.

  25. My dear friend. People who are brave enough to be expressive as you are often are met with .. all kinds of things... from people who are not that brave. In some cases, it's about lessening you so that, by comparison, they feel less inferior. In some cases, it's about wanting you to be in their lives to 'fix' what they perceive is missing. There are other motivations, many of which are troubling.

    Conversely there are those of us who love you and your blog for so many reasons, just as it it--a gift given.

    I love your blog because it, and you, have given me courage to be more open to what I need and want in my life. So thank you. and I'm glad you're back :)

  26. Hey Rob, thanks for the shout out, and telling us you're alive. I don't live or dye because you did or didn't blog, but I sure as hell enjoyed almost all of your posts. I'm still damn curious to hear more about the "straight" guy that pays you to let him jack you off, and your regular guy you call "the runt."

    One can tell from your posts that you truly enjoy your writing. Perhaps you can just continue to write and NOT publish your stories. But that's not all there is to it, is there?

    One gets rewards from being a good writer, by not only producing the well crafted story, as you do, but by allowing others to read it, and appreciate it, and enjoy it as well.

    It totally sucks that someone (or many someones) out there take their responsibility as reader (and the relatively few of us commentors) to a stalker type situation, and give you cause to abandon this endevor that serves both you and us readers well!

    Could I suggest that you make your blog private, and allow only those of us truly interested in reading your blog without malicious intentions to continue?

    Perhaps those "stalker type" would just find a way around that type of temporary firewall anyway.

    I really don't know.

    I just want you to know, that almost all of us would rather you continue, and offer our support, and would even offer to help stop the bad apple that's out there causing this turmoil if we knew how.

    Cheers buddy, and really, thank you for checking in....I really was worried about you.

  27. Thanks for caring about all the people out here who you arouse, inform, comfort, strengthen, challenge, and aid. Thanks for caring about the act of writing. Thanks for coming back, Rob.

  28. Ditto what everyone else says about being glad that things are okay in your real life...

    I look at your blog posts as a gift, or a message from someone I'm glad to hear from...

    Obviously, you have to do what's right for don't write these posts so some assholes can try to bring you down, to make themselves feel better.

    But I hope you find a way to keep writing them, so you get what you get from them, and the readers that appreciate you, can continue enjoying them...

    Cheers, Rick

  29. What a GLORIOUS day! RobBreeder has returned!!! In today's blog you pinpoint why we readers feel so close to you: real and open discussions of male sexuality have become al but non exist ant in today's world. I find truth and beauty in your writing and also a certain solace in knowing I am not alone in my pursuit of sex. I am 66 years old....still hot and still fucking around where and when I can. The openness about sexuality that my friends and I experienced and shared in the seventies died in the eighties with the emergence of the AIDS epidemic. Your blog is the only place I have found beautifully articulated, honest sharing of sexual experiences in decades. You are a gifted writer and what you are writing is important. Please continue! And THANKS!

  30. Rob, I have learned over the years (and you and your blog have helped in this) that there are always idiots, assholes, and bullies in our lives. The most effective way to deal with them is to simply ignore them. The only thing they really want is power. When you don't give them power they have nothing that interests them. I know a few people and I bet you do to that know what to do with a bully. If you don't I bet some of the guys in you adventures would be more than happy to send a leg breaker to the bullies!!! Thanks for coming back I missed you.

  31. Glad to see you're back. I was truly worried. Take care of yourself first Rob.

  32. So GLAD you're back. You are BETTER than Proust. Don't stop writing.

    Sorry about the betrayal. I hope that some day you'll give us more specifics so that we can share your pain better.

  33. Yipes. You say it was betrayal, so I assume it was someone you knew a bit, and not some random internet crazy. I myself was wary when my blog started getting traffic that somehow this would end up intersecting with my real life in a way I didn't want. These blogs are strange things. Your purposes are a bit nobler than mine, but in the end they are explicit blogs, and so many people out there aren't really integrated with their sexual selves; instead, the greatest overlap is between sex and darkness. I hope there wasn't any lasting damage to you or people you love, beyond your loss of relish for writing more. I think that will return on its own, just as it was before, once you find out how to cut this person off completely, and not let them have any more power over you. Take your time and don't force it. Everyone will still be here.

  34. Rob, You have been missed very much! I was so pleased to check your blog today and find you back with a new post. It's always great to read your posts. I'm so sorry that some asshole out there has attempted to drag you down. Please know that for each of the assholes, there are far more of us who read your blog posts with a great sense of enjoyment of the things you share with us and the way in which you write. You help us see the myriad possibilities beyond the boxes in which society would have us live. Once more I thank you for sharing with us all, and I extend my sincerest hopes that time heals the pain you have suffered. I look forward to reading more of your posts for a long time to come. Best wishes and Big Hugs, Jay

  35. Rob-
    Glad you're back. We missed you.

    Another Rob

  36. So glad you are OK. Sorry for your recent experiences...hope it gets better for you.

    Michael in DC

  37. Dear Rob,

    I'm relieved to know you're okay, and saddened to hear that you've had a rough time -- and all the more to realize that the rough time was connected in some way to the blog, something that you created to bring enlightenment, not stress, to yourself and others. But rest assured that for most of us, your blog stands for sensitive, intelligent and deeply human communication, not to mention great craftsmanship. It's always clear that however hot you are, however much of a stud you are, however huge a role sex plays in your life, that you are a writer first and foremost.

    Be well, and don't let the assholes take over your life.


  38. Rob, we are so sympatico that it's, well, a bit weird ! I had an idea we were alike, but it became much clearer how deeply after reading this, your re-entry post, as well as during and after our finally having a chance to really talk. Funny, too, how ironic the timing (at least I think) of the subject matters of our conversation compared with what's in your latest writings. It's like we were destined to intersect at that moment - and on so many alternate levels.

    Meanwhile as I read about, in greater detail, what you have (and had) been going through, I find myself being that "easy for me to say" type. Ready with practical advice like : "you can't please all guys," "dont get caught in the weeds" or - and pardon me or getting all "Margo Channing" on you, but : "these are nobody's fans ; they're never indoors long enough!" (Gosh, I hope my paraphrasing an "Eve" line made some sense ?!)

    But it's the realization that I am as affected as you - in being brought low by numbskulls (although many of them, really, aren't even being personal about it ; one could be as nasty with me as with you ; to them a target is simply a target ; we're interchangeable !). So I can't and won't tell you what you should do when I can't and won't myself.

    Nevertheless we both have to be sure of what it is that we do - for some greater good and/or personal satisfaction - and try to persevere. Otherwise if we lose that self-awareness, and goal, I fear we are lost. Like so many of those in our community now trying desperately to follow a path, strewn with and leading to things we both know they don't find true in their hearts.

    To thine own self be . . .

  39. Sorry the bastards got you down but glad that you are back. The majority of your readers appreciate your candor, sexual history, intelligence and willingness to expose your "soft underbelly." Don't give up on us. You have opened my eyes to the human sexuality in ways that I could not have imagined. Thanks.

  40. I can't add to what's been said, but know that you're appreciated and missed.

    I hate to imagine what you've gone through, but know that good folks out there are pulling for you.

    Hang in there, good man.

  41. I am so glad you are writing again for us. How lucky we are that you are willing to share yourself.

    You say you share some of the less appealing parts of yourself, but, what I get from you is intelligence, kindess, humor, grace, love, curiousity, imagination, honesty, openess, and generosity. All of this and a talented writer (and a talented lover if anyone believes that!:)).

    Always wishing you well.


  42. delighted to have you back. A hiatus wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, losing the ability to read you would. Looking forward to being able to actually hug you someday, but for now, take the virtual one for what it's worth.

  43. Darling!

    At least 41 people before me expressed their appreciation and I gladly join the club. Your approach to life mirrors mine, only you are far more eloquent (and daring). In describing your life, explaining your opinions and experiences I get to consider my own stance, find the words I was always looking for, that thought that always eluded me.

    It's always tempting to ask for that one thing you're not given. I find myself curious for exactly that piece of information that people are not willing to give—and as you may know, I will try to ask for it. I know it's not a charming trait, but I can see how for some people it may be hard to accept or to even realise that there are limits to the information you provide.

  44. wow all I have to say why cant people just enjoy live why make a extertec effort to ruin others total digustx me and thank you for all you share and post

  45. Dear Rob,

    I haven't been as avid a reader of your blog over the past few months. I am glad to be back and reading your work again. I love that you can leave your heart on the page about anything, and that your philosophy of life, love, sex and spirituality are so completely exposed. Despite my not being as on top of your posts as I once was, it is always good to come back and get a good dose of real life and all it's flaws, warts and wonders from you. I take it for what it is. A beautiful gift and one that I enjoy reading.


  46. Welcome back, Rob. I was concerned but did not know if or how that concern would reach you. It did not help I was getting a new phone to work, too. Your being back is most welcome. I hope you are doing well. Truly you were missed; such an interesting and insightful man. T.

  47. Sir,
    I thought your blog was just kind of empty for a bit and didn't know what happened. I enjoy your reading your blog and can only hope to be half the stud that you are someday.