Sunday, May 13, 2012

Sunday Morning Questions: Yo' Mama Edition

I don't write much about my mother in my journal. It's mostly because she passed away a good decade and a half ago, so she's not a physical presence in my life any longer.

But spiritually, and emotionally, she's with me every day.

My mother was a good woman, an advanced woman for her time. She was a trend-setter and a go-getter. (I wasn't intending to rhyme, but apparently I'm a poet, and just don't know it.) She blazed trails, was never afraid to be political, and was never, ever afraid to state her opinions, even when she knew there'd be many voices in opposition. If I inherited even a weak, milky latte version of that from her strong espresso of a personality, she did her job right.

There are times I wish I could hear her voice just one more time, though, or just tell her what's been going on in the last decades, though.

And that's why, whenever Mother's Day rolls around and acquaintances of mine start bitching and moaning about the obligation of it all, and how tiresome it is, I want to slap them. Bitches, at least you've got a mother to be bored with. Go out and do something for her, once a damned year!

So that's my advice to all of you today. If you've still got a mother, do something nice for her. Because they aren't around forever.

And if you don't have a mother—or if you have a crappy mother, or an abusive mother, or a mother from whom you're estranged (and I know it happens . . . we aren't all as fortunate as I), do something nice for the motherly woman in your life who's kind to you from time to time. Tell a mother you admire what a good job she's doing with her kids. Fuck a MILF. It's a flexible holiday.

But let people know, while they're still around, what they mean to you.

Okay, let's get to some questions from

Are you a "country boy" or "city boy?" Do you like to camp out under the stars, or hang out in the city?

I don't see why there has to be an 'or' in there. Yes, yes indeed I am, to both those questions.

My mom was a country girl who grew up barefoot in the mountains of Georgia. My dad came from a family of East Coast city slickers. Although they compromised and settled in a minor city with a small-town feel, I'd spend summers in the country and weekends in the big city. They both have their distinct and pleasurable energies.

So now I live in a quiet area that while not exactly rural, is pretty close to being the picturesque countryside, and New York City is only twenty miles down the road. It's a good place for a guy like me.

How do you feel about women reading and ccommenting on you blog?

I've had women ready and commenting on my blog since day one. I don't write a boys-only blog, nor do I think that women have cooties. Anyone who enjoys my entries and behaves themselves in my blog comments is more than welcome.

Have you met any of the guys you had sex with when you were younger (pre-18/pre-16) after becoming an adult? Are there of them you would like to meet with, maybe even hook up with again?

I moved out of my hometown after I went to college and graduate school, and never really came back for any extended period of time; that alone pretty much guaranteed that I never ran into old tricks from my youth.

The one exception would have been a colleague and very good friend of my dad's, whom I blew many times in his car when I'd see him cruising the park, during my teen years. I was always worried, when I'd see him socially, that he would either say something to make me feel awkward, or make a pass at me about which I would have been embarrassed.

However, he was just as anxious to keep his reputation as a Southern unmarried gentleman intact, especially with my parents (though I think they'd pretty much figured out his sexuality years before), so never once did he ever make any allusion to my oral skills, or to those evenings in the park.

There are some men I'd like to meet again, just to relive the past and to see if they remember things the way I do. My old mentor, Earl, would be one of those.

What are your opinions on stealthing?

Stealthing, for those unfamiliar with the term, is what it's called when a man makes every appearance of putting on a rubber in order to fuck, only to pull it off and complete the act in the raw when his partner is unawares, or unable to do anything about it.

I understand that it's a dark and taboo fantasy for a few men, and I've got no beef with men who privately fantasize about the act. If in real life, however, the only way one can get what one wants is to lie and misrepresent one's intentions, something is seriously wrong.

There are plenty of men out there who are looking for a raw dick in their hole. Plenty. Stealthing the unwilling in the face of that is aggressively sociopathic, and I find those who brag about doing so—and especially who blame their victims for letting it happen—to be uniformly sorry individuals.


  1. Stealthing

    I thought that term meant something else, but your explanation is kind of scary.

    nor do I think that women have cooties.

    Fuck a MILF.

    You made me laugh.

    Your mother must have been fun! She'd be proud of you!

    1. She'd want guys to fuck a MILF, too!

  2. Have to agree on Stealthing, u agree to wear the condom just wear it or find some one into or open to barebacking. and you are so right about the people complaining about the duty of Mothers Day or Fathers Day. I lost my Dad at nineteen, and my mon is 83 now and not many left. Just wait to those whiners have to visit the graveyard on this special see how the feel then! Love the blog!

    1. Thanks, Butch! I appreciate all those remarks!

  3. If I complained about Mother's Day at all today it was because my mom had to go to a conference during it so I couldn't spend the time with her that I wanted to. But we got to spend time yesterday and then had dinner tonight. While she isn't always great to me, and her comments on my appearance and traits that (to her) make me undatable are a bit annoying, she does care about me so I try to put up with her social quirks and enjoy the good moments.

    And as far as stealthing goes...well, I know of people who do that. I vocally disapprove, however, and I think it is bogus. If someone doesn't want bareback, either put on a condom or move on. Like you say, there are plenty of guys out there. And the people who stealth knowing they are HIV positive make me sick. I'm all about choice during sex. When you take away someone's choice, that isn't sex anymore.


    1. It might still be sex for the one who'd taken away the choice, but it surely isn't for the one getting shortchanged. I think it's pretty vile.

  4. Stealthing is lying and rape, which is to say the two things that pretty much define dishonorable men.

  5. I'm with you on Mothers' Day, Rob. I came out to my family and most of my friends almost 25 years ago, long before I was married, but several years after the death of the one person I would have really liked to talk to about it. Both of my parents died within a year of each other, almost 30 years ago, when I was barely out of high school and still had no idea who or what I wanted to be. People who find it tiresome dealing with their parents sadden me greatly. While I was not my father's biggest fan, I would happily trade a not-inconsequential part of my good life if I could turn things around and have either of them here for the last three decades. My mother most of all. There are hundreds of questions I'd like to ask, about the person I never got to know as an adult.

    1. My dad drives me nuts, Kevin, but I would drop whatever I was doing and get to his side at his whim. Once someone's gone, they're gone, and that's it.

  6. Mother's day is a double whammy for me as it's days apart from my mom's birthday...on fishing opener to the dismay of my grandfather. And as is her prerogative, she requires special acknowledgment for each day. Of amusing note is that she gave birth to me on Labor Day.

    I would have called stealthing seriously disturbing and unethical, I'm glad you kicked it up a couple notches and called it sociopathic.