Sunday, May 4, 2014

Sunday Morning Questions: Even More Questions Edition

When I started my sex blog I really didn’t expect anyone much to read it. Truth. I thought there’d be a couple of people who stumbled on it. I figured I might tell a couple of sex buddies who got off hearing about my exploits. But that was it, I reasoned. I’d have kind of a safe outlet where I could share my sex writings. The fact it was potentially public gave me a naughty little thrill, but that’s about all the exposure I expected.

Nearly two million visitors later, I like to think I’m a leetle beet savvier than that. I get a lot of visitors here on a daily basis. The ones who’ve stuck around for a while are always keeping me on my toes, often remembering better than I what I’ve said in the past. Hey, they’ll poke me after I write a post. You said after that guy who squirted enema juice in your face that you weren’t going to rim the holes of strange asses any more. Then you rimmed that new guy. What gives? Or they’ll just rib me gently with Hey Breeder. Remember when you moved to the east coast and you were so sure you’d never meet any guys to have sex with again? How hard do your regular orgy buddies laugh when you tell them that story?

I like my long-term readers simply because they’ve been on the same ride with me for a while, and we have that luxury of being able to compare notes about it.

I like my new readers too, because they bring an enthusiasm to older material that I might’ve forgotten about. When a newer readers goes through my old Spencer entries, for example, and leaves thoughtful comments, I have a tendency to go back to the same entries just to see what they’re commenting about. Then I relive them in a way I hoped I might, when originally I wrote them.

One of the reasons I started my Sunday Morning Questions feature was because when I started getting an avalanche of readers, they all had questions. Sometimes those questions inspired new entries. A lot of the time, though, the questions were so easily answered, or so beyond the scope of my usual blog entries, that I preferred not giving them an essay to themselves. Someone wanting to hear whose hole I plugged last isn’t going to tune in for much longer if he shows up and finds me writing about what type of food I liked best, or what musical instruments I learned as a kid. That kind of trivia was better suited in a semi-regular feature of its own.

So please—continue to send in your questions. I enjoy answering them. Some of you seem to enjoy reading them. It’s a win-win situation for both of us. If you’re on, feel free to follow me and ask me questions there; if you’re not, just email them in. I’ll get around to them either way.

Let’s get to some of today’s inquiries.

Wanted your opinion on this.. I'd like to both fuck and be fucked. However I have an average dick size (5" but reasonably thick) … so I’m not sure if too many bottoms would dig me. I'd like to bottom too, but I've had issues taking in coz I'm tight and small.

Not to disparage you or to make generalizations about horny bottoms, but let me assure you that there are a hell of a lot of bottoms out there. If you can get your dick hard and keep it hard, I can guarantee one hundred percent that there are going to be many many many bottoms who are anxious to go butt-up for you, regardless of your size.

You could look like Ron Jeremy (sorry, Ron) and have a dick roughly the proportions of a bite-sized mini-Tootsie Roll, and there would be bottoms clamoring to service it.

Not all of them, mind you. Being willing to top does not give you the liberty to expect to top whomever you please. And whether or not your partner will ask for a repeat performance depends on how well you treat him and how well you use the tool between your legs. In my opinion, those two things are what really matters.

But yeah. Bottoms dig guys with hard dicks. You’ll get laid.

Do you find nose rings attractive?

Oh god yes. That is, I love men with septum piercings. They make me want to grab the ring and lead the guy around like Ferdinand the fuckin' bull.

Those twee little nostril rings on either side, though? If you're a Nepalese woman, go for it. Otherwise they do nothing for me.

YOU are the BEST! New question ...

With so many men in open relationships if one is partnered is it better to be upfront about it including it in one’s profile or simply omit it? Does it influence you either way if the possibility of a hook up exists?

Thank you. I agree. I am the best!

It's a little more difficult, however, for me to come up with as firm an answer for your question. One of the things you have to think about when you're putting personal information about your home life on your profile is that publicly stating you're in an open relationship affects not only how people are going to see you, but how they're going to perceive your partner as well.

If your other half is comfortable that you're putting up a personal ad proclaiming that you both are free to play around with others, even though he knows full well that a mutual acquaintance, employer, or person from your church or book club might see it, sure. Go for it. If he or she would be a little uncomfortable that someone local you both know might run across your personal ad on and assume that your partner's into similar fun, you might want to hold back announcing your relationship status.

If your partner's feelings aren't a hindrance, and you want to make very clear to others that you're not looking to date, but just for casual sex buddies, I say stating your relationship status up front is the way to go. It's one less thing you'll have to reveal when you get to the negotiation phase, and it might prevent someone else from having unreasonable expectations about picking out flatware patterns with you in the future.

You may find, however, that on some sites there can be a lot of antipathy toward a man in a relationship. I've noticed on many of the location-based apps like Grindr and Scruff in particular, the users often have off-putting rants about guys in relationships in their profiles—and they have absolutely zero inhibitions about messaging you (even if you haven't looked at their profile or pinged them in any way) and telling you what a lying scumbag you are for cheating on your spouse like a god-damned whore (even though you may not be). I don't necessarily advocate lying to guys to get laid, but sometimes a judicious omission is not necessarily a bad thing.

I personally am not swayed by a guy's relationship status either way. What goes on behind closed doors in a person's home is his own concern; I'm not the morality police. My concern is merely how good their holes are.

Do you ever get to the point where you just 'need' to unplug? If so, what do you do?

Over the years, as the internet as grown in importance and abundance, I've found more and more of my time consumed in front of a computer monitor or laptop or tablet or cell phone. I've found it very helpful to maintain balance by unplugging from electronic devices for a significant portion of each day—sometimes for a day, a weekend, or even a week at a time.

Hobbies are something I find valuable. Since I already spend chunks of my free time browsing internet sites and playing video games, I invest an equal amount of time in hands-on, constructive crafts and hobbies. i gardened for a long time until I came to terms with the fact that I truly dislike gardening. I took classes in paper making and calligraphy. I taught classes in stained glass art. I've had other enthusiasms and pet projects over the years. Some of them have been more successful than others. (I pity my household the year I attempted to learn how to play clarinet.)

For the last two years, when I put away the phone and the laptop and ignore the electronic chirps of all the devices in my house, I'm either reading, exploring New York City, participating in one of my musical activities, or knitting. Most nights, probably knitting. Don't judge.

GPS Apps – Get On – Hook Up – Get Off, right? On the days I don’t make a connection I opt off and check back rather than risk looking like day old baked goods. Does hanging out for several hours increase or decrease chances of securing a Hook Up?

I suppose there's an argument to be made that if you hang around long enough anywhere, you'll eventually get a hit or two. However, I tend to be more like you—when I see guys who've been on one of the GPS apps all day long, I have a tendency to think of them as guys who are are probably going to waste my time, since they have no problem wasting so much of their own.

It's unfair, I admit. Sometimes the GPS apps will keep a guy logged on—or give the appearance of it—for hours longer than he actually was active. And I have no proof that anyone who actually is on Grindr or Scruff all day is doing so just to jerk other guys around.

I tend to use GPS apps either only when I'm in a new locale, or at home only after I’ve been logged off for a few days. I've noticed I get more sniffs when I'm giving the appearance of being new meat than an old troll.


  1. """""And I have no proof that anyone who actually is on Grindr or Scruff all day is doing so just to jerk other guys around."""""

    So true, a fast post and quick phone call saying "I'll be there in an hour" can mean a no show. So you never know.

    Do you keep a mental note of time wasters so you don't deal with them later on?

  2. I wouldn't be surprised if I see a book, "Rob Steed's Guide to Daily Living... and Fucking!"

    Are you going to knit one of those cat sweaters with bedazzles? OTTGlamour, man.

    But in all seriousness, thank you for your work; it's an amazing trove of.... awesomeness.

  3. do we get to see a pic of your lastest knitting project? I love to knit as well, it's very relaxing!
    hugs Rob,

  4. I used to enjoy gardening, until I realized the little fuckers actually needed me to keep taking care of them. Now its mostly strong shrubs. Ah yes, I love a nice, thick, manly bush!