Monday, June 28, 2010

The Word

For a Sunday morning, the hallway of the Marriott was quieter than I expected. I’d anticipated a hustle and bustle of patrons eager to make their way down to breakfast, or wrestling with their luggage in an effort to make a flight. Instead, the hotel’s fourth floor was silent, save for the rattle and hum of the ice machine near the elevators. I padded down the hall’s thick carpeting until I reached room 437.

The door was cracked, as I’d told the man it should be. The security bar had been flipped around. Its round end poked between the door and its frame, as if the occupant had stepped out for a moment to fetch a soft drink from the vending machines. I pushed the door open, and slipped into the darkness.

The man had done his best to get the room as dark as possible. He’d crushed the bottom of the drapes to prevent the morning sun from squeaking through the cracks, and turned out every lamp in the room. The only light came from a glowing laptop on the table across from the bed. On the mattress itself lay the man I’d be fucking. His legs were spread, his knees bent, like the upside-down opening of a vase of black glass. Though his waist was narrow and his torso trim, his ass was large and muscular. His profile said he was twenty-five; I might have suspected he was a good seven years younger, just from the leanness of his hips and the tautness of his skin. Two twin globes of dark flesh, quivering and grinding in the laptop's blue glow, waiting for me to make my move.

I was in no hurry. Around the edge of the bed I stalked, taking slow and deliberate steps. His head was cropped close, and he kept his face buried in the bedspread. The bed was so neatly made I wondered if he’d slept in it at all, the night before. I didn’t say a word.

Both the bottom and the bed sighed in unison when finally I knelt with one knee on the edge. My index and middle finger, upturned and curled, entered the cleft of his dark-skinned ass and dug for the hole. I didn’t raise my eyebrows to find he’d already slathered his ass with lube, inside and out. What did surprise me was the sheer heat rising from inside. Perhaps the air conditioning made the difference more electric, but he felt as if he could burn me.

I placed my other knee on the bed, and shoved my legs up against his so that the groin of my camo shorts was close to his ass. “You want my white dick, don’t you?” I asked into the silence. He immediately began to reposition himself, trying to turn so he could face me, but I shoved him back down. “I didn’t say you could look at me.” He paused for a moment, as if he might try again. Then he subsided, burrowing his forehead into the blanket, submissive and obedient. “That’s better,” I told him. Then I unzipped.

When he’d emailed me the day before, the man had gotten right to the point in one of his early emails. I have two things to ask, he said. The first is I ask that you stay completely clothed the whole time, including shoes. You can leave off the underwear to make it easier to pull out your big cock, but otherwise totally clothed...I want to be the only one naked and exposed, i find it makes me feel more sub. I would also ask that you fuck me from behind. I fantasize about a big-cocked stranger simply walking in, puling his cock out of his fly, and staring fucking my throat and ass, without even bothering to get undressed....HUGE thrill for me. Please. I need to be totally sub.

What’s the second thing? I'd written back.

When he had told me, I hadn't been surprised.

I left on my high-top Converse and my camo shorts. I’d worn a gray athletic T-shirt that hung around my hips. My dick was already rock-hard from the sight of the man’s muscular body. The sight of my stiff rod parting his charcoal-black ass and sliding on in made me pump pre-cum like a spigot. He gasped at the invasion; his head reared back so that I could see his high forehead and the almost-straight hairline defining it. His eyes remained closed, though. I pushed down between his shoulder blades and pinned him to the bed as I slid all the way in.

My zipper raked against his ass as I reached the base. I knew he could feel the cold teeth biting and nipping, because I made sure to grind and catch the sensitive flesh. Once I was in, I rammed a little harder, just to make sure he felt it, and I forced my dick to swell. The cotton of my clothes pressed against his naked skin as I lay atop him so that my lips pressed against his ear. He smelled of soap, and the mildest of sweats. “Do you feel it?”

He said something muffled into the pillows.

“I didn’t hear you,” I growled, and shoved in again, hard. “I said, do you feel it?”

Then I used the word, just as he’d asked. His second thing.

He reacted violently and submissively. At the sound of the two guttural syllables, his back arched. His ass rose into the air, and seemed to deepen. His hips swiveled, and tried to shoulder the burden of my weight and take me in past the root. He groaned. “Oh god,” he said. He buried his face in his elbow. Then, at a pianissimo, “Thank you. Thank you.”

“You like this dick?”

“Yes,” he said.

“You like this big white strange dick up your shitter?”

“I love your big white dick.” The words came out haltingly. “I need your big white dick. I need your cum. I need it so bad.”

I slapped him with the word again as I rose to my knees and started to thrust. He cried out as if he were cumming, so I reached down to see if fluid was gushing from his dick. He was thick, and his meat was hot in my hand, but as slick as it was from pre-cum, he hadn’t shot yet.

For a good ten minutes I fucked him, thrusting in and out and putting him through his paces. I knelt on one knee and positioned my right foot so that it was planted on the mattress, and forced him to lick and kiss my sneakers. I used the word like a cudgel, striking him with it again and again, beating him with it on the most sensitive parts of his body in order to watch the flesh pimple and rise. I battered him with it as I worked his hole into a raw pulp surrounded by skin chewed by my open zipper.

Just as he’d asked.

When I shot, I held my head at the back of his head and thrust it violently into the mattress, rough enough that it should have left the blanket’s stitching impressed on his cheek. “Take it,” I ordered him, using the word liberally. “Take my cum. It’s what you wanted.” He responded with gasps and chokes.

My dick flopped out of his ass when I was done, slapping against my shorts before I tucked it back inside. Still face down, he murmured, “I didn’t cum yet.”

“That’s not my fucking fault,” I snapped, faking unconcern. “All I give a shit about is getting my nut. You want to come, get your own fucking self off.”

I didn’t need to complete my thought. Because I’d peppered my speech with the word some more, he’d shot before I’d finished my first sentence. His ass hung in the air as if suspended from invisible wires. Ropes of sperm dripped down onto the bedspread. He remained motionless, as if trying to halt time so he could capture it forever. I kept a mental snapshot of the sight for myself.

And then I walked out, a long streak of cum dripping down my thigh.

He texted me a half hour later on my phone. You really understand, said the message. Thank you.

I didn’t message back. There was no need.

41 comments:

  1. HOT story daddy! Will probably read it again later for my second load of the day! ;)

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  2. Always a pleasure to get loads out of you, Evan!

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  3. I find black guys that like to be racially degraded are embarassing. Any guy, for that matter.

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  4. Anonymous,

    I can't envision enjoying it myself, but I figure not everyone has to be like me. Fortunately, I'm a good sport about these things.

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  5. love your blog but have to kind of agree with anonymous above.

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  6. Thanks, Anonymous #2! I can see your perspective. It takes all kinds to make the world go round, though.

    Here's my credo: It's a rare and wonderful thing to find someone who respects your frailties and treats them with respect and a little bit of tenderness. It's especially rare in the bedroom. That's what I try to do with everyone I encounter.

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  7. "The word" is always a tough proposition. I find myself trying to work around it even when it's what a playmate wants to hear, what he's demanding that I beg for. I've made the two (or several) of us laugh out loud at my trying-to-say-everything-but the word. To the point of being comically over-PC. Then I've blurted it out, perhaps just as comically. Being in tune with what your partner wants (or needs) should trump our own misgivings, hang-ups, and baggage. It's not always easy. But well-played, sir.

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  8. It all comes down to where a person is willing to draw the line. What might be conservative for me may be too far out for someone else. I realize that taste is subjective. I also find that the desire to be racially subjugated (especially taking into consideration that history is what it is) is a little disturbing. However well written it is.

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  9. Anonymous,

    Substitute 'the desire to be with another man' for 'the desire to be racially subjugated', and you're just echoing the arguments of those who would prefer that you don't have the kind of sex you can't help wanting. Finding reasons for grown adults not to have sex is the occupation of full-time homophobes; why should we play their games? I'm sure they find any type of gay sex disturbing.

    Homophobes throw all kinds of justifications for their prejudices in our faces--historical, moral, medical. You and I know they're nonsense. Similarly, I know that saying that racial roleplay is wrong or in poor taste because of historical precedents is equally silly. It's like saying that all military-themed gay porn is abominable because of the atrocities committed at Guantanamo Bay.

    I'm perfectly cool with the notion that the scene wasn't to your taste. People get skeeved out by certain things, and that's normal. It's totally fine with me if you don't do it yourself. If my partner didn't find his desires embarrassing, and I didn't mind giving him one of the most powerful orgasms of his life by playing along with it, however, why should you?

    The bottom line is this: what happens between two or more consenting adults between closed doors might not always be to our personal tastes. We may find it personally disturbing. But pointing fingers and passing judgment is not a game that the gay community should play.

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  10. Throb,

    Thank you for your mature approach.

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  11. That was both hot and uncomfortable. I don't like getting called that word, it bring out a real dark feelings in me. But as I read those post I wondered to myself how this would be if you had used the "F" word. I don't think people would be as on the fence about this entry.

    But like I said it was hot too. There is something really erotic and powerful about fucking someone that really wants it.

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  13. There's something mightily ironic about someone casting aspersions about the sexual role-play of others who lectures me in a highly emotional way about tolerating opinions differing from my own, and then stomps off in a dudgeon.

    I not only expressed empathy with your opinions, Anonymous, but I took the time to explain why I believe differently. If gentle persuasion and logic aren't to your liking, then suppose I will have to reconcile myself to no more of your comments. There's a pity.

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  14. A while back, I was fuckin around with a hot black dude who, in the mix of things, really wanted me to "talk dirty to him".

    Not one to shy away from some raunchy trash talk, I gave it my best and kept going. I'm not sure how long it took me to realize it, but after about the 50th time he asked me to "talk dirty to him", the light bulb went off in my head as to what kind of dirty talk he was really looking for, and I was caught completely off-guard.

    While I enjoy the more deviant side of the sexual spectrum, in my non-sexual life, I cant even bring myself to say the word in private. It was definitely a stretch for me, but the end-result, not unlike your story, was explosive and totally worth it.

    ----

    On a different note, I just wanted to say how much I continue to enjoy your blog. Clearly it's the topic that brought me here, but it's your writing, and personality that keeps me coming back... I've even recently taken to "recommending" this blog to friends as an example of what I consider great blogging! I'm pretty sure a str8 friend or 2 might now be followers after recently recounting some of your more lurid tales. Keep it up! and Thank you!

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  15. Considering the preponderance of scenes in gay porn where the 'f' word is used, how is that any different than this? I disagree the people would be 'less on the fence' about it. I do think that there are tastes out there for everyone. We as human beings don't have to agree with everyone else's sense of what is 'hot.' I would say we do need to respect it. Clearly the man you were with enjoyed. Clearly, that's what's important.

    Just my $.02.

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  16. Blackwatch,

    I appreciate your contribution to this discussion--particularly the part about how opinions might have been changed if I'd been asked to use the F word instead.

    I once was asked to use epithets for a Jewish guy who wanted to be dominated and used; I found myself so uncomfortable with the notion that I had to examine the differences between using the F word or the N word versus calling someone a 'filthy kike' at his request. Eventually I had to conclude there was no real difference between them all.

    I don't necessarily understand the urge for that kind if verbal abuse, but I'm respectful of those who do, in what's explicitly a roleplaying situation.

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  17. Buck,

    Thanks for the compliment and the recommendations! I am grateful for both. You rock.

    Speaking as someone raised to be tolerant and to abhor all kinds of prejudices, I'm always surprised how pervasive a lot of this type of role-play can be. If I were to say this was the first time I've been begged to use The Word, I'd be a liar. Still, I think it's far safer to seek that kind of submission in a sexual roleplaying situation with a trustworthy person than it would be to find it in another, more unpleasant, context.

    Thank you again, sincerely.

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  18. Richard,

    Thanks, faggot.

    Love,
    The Breeder

    (I had to do it!)

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  20. Wow - you obviously hit a powerful trigger in at least one "anonymous" commenter; too bad he's choosing to spew his reaction onto you rather than look at whatever personal issue is causing it. I personally love how uncomfortable this particular post made me feel - you've given readers room to experience our own reaction to "the word" rather than imposing yours upon us. Nicely done!

    I find the idea of what we "should" and "shouldn't" want and enjoy in our sexual lives fascinating, probably because I struggle with being told what in my own sexuality is "normal" and what isn't (especially since I usually end up pretty far down the "freak" line LOL). Our most transgressive desires - the things that we've been told we "should" find abhorrent - can elicit incredibly powerful responses if we can only admit to them. I'm impressed that your partner was comfortable enough with himself to not only acknowledge what he really wants but also ask for it. That's some courage, in my book.

    Thanks for a story that is interesting to think about along with being hawt :)

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  21. Dawn,

    Considering that I have problems asking for some things I want, you're right. It's brave for someone to be able to do that, particularly with something that's so transgressive (a great word, by the way).

    Without dredging up the shitstorm I inadvertently caused, it's a shame that more people don't examine their own reactions more closely when they're made uncomfortable by sex; the unconsidered reaction seems to be to react with That's wrong! or That's shameful! instead of really inspecting why we find certain consensual behaviors disturbing to us.

    So thank you for your thoughtful response.

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  22. Dear Breeder (gosh been wanting to say that),

    I posted a brief comment on twitter and felt I wanted to make a longer response. It's certainly understandable that this kind of roleplay may make some uncomfortable, in a sense all sex is roleplay and unfortunately our society is not comfortable with openness about sex. What Blackwatch said about the "F" word is totally true and self-hatred is nothing new. Would I personally find this kind of roleplay a turn on, or for that matter if it was Nazi roleplay (though the costumes and paraphernalia might be fab)? My intellectual response would be no, but to be perfectly honest I don't know. Also I would rather see this kind of roleplay done in private between consenting adults than have it played out in public in a variety of destructive and hateful ways.

    That you choose to share what you do in private in a forum such as this opens you up to all sorts of responses. I applaud you for sharing and being open to what some in our society deem “bad” or “anti-social” or “shameful” etc. And I applaud transgressive behavior in all its forms and glories.

    As I said, ultimately what people choose to do behind closed doors is their business. Thank you again for putting this stuff out there in your smart (and well written) way.

    I want a Breeder Reader t-shirt.

    Your fan Jeff.

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  23. Jeffny456,

    Thanks for your considered comment. You and I have similar views—especially when it comes to what people doing behind closed doors their own business. Is this kind of situation what I might ordinarily choose to do? Not at all. Do I fantasize about it myself, either in this expression or in some variant? No.

    I do, however, recognize the impulse as fairly common, and I'm protective enough of those with whom I play to defend their right to enjoy it.

    I'm fully aware that discussing sexual issues and having a comment box opens me up to all kinds of responses. I have no problem with people with differing opinions, when they're discussed rationally. I think I was quite patient at attempting to have a discussion with Anonymous today. (Funny how everyone else put names to their opinions.) My patience ends when discussion becomes empty posturing and the casting of aspersions, however, and when it's obvious that there's absolutely no willingness on someone else's part to be open-minded. If someone wants to call me names, they can do it on their own blog. I'm not tolerating it on mine.

    But thanks, Jeff. You know I'm a fan of yours as well.

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  24. I'm torn on this. Personally, I don't think I could get into that. I think it's fundamentally different from using the "F word" — on a side note, I'd argue against gay "being the new black." It's a word that I can't even bring myself to say in private conversations and I cringe when others use it, even in some distasteful joke. So, in short, it's not for me.

    That being said, he seemed to get off on it and it didn't faze you. More power to you (both).

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  25. God, the way everyone's reacting, I worry that readers think I'm trying to start some kind of lynch mob to hang the black man who busted up Mayella's chiffarobe.

    I was raised not to employ certain words in the name of hate. I'm also uncomfortable using them in any context save a mutually-agreed-upon form of fantasy sexual role-play.

    Well, unless it's my commenter Richard. But he knows I was just making a funny.

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  26. I'm feeling a bit woozy today as this is our 18th consecutive day with temps of 90 degrees +. So let me be sure I have this right:

    You were fucking a black gentleman, and HE ASKED YOU to use the "N" word as a part of your play. And you wrote about it. And people are upset at you ? Is that pretty much it?

    Ok, so that may not be to everyone's liking. But isn't this a real fine example of what happens when we give such power to any word to the point that the very utterance of that word causes such an outcry?

    Much of this world seems to have lost the ability to consider context, as in the context in which a word is used. And when that happens, honest dialogue is impossible and demagoguery rules.

    Lest you doubt what I am saying, look around. We are oh so PC, oh so very, very, very PC. And yet, it's demonstrated time and time again that this country is more racially divided than ever.

    As a gay American, I feel so very protective of the freedom from censorship which we still retain. I really cannot understand gay men who are so very willing to yield to censorship.

    Bravo to you for the courage to blog this episode of your life and to defend your work against those who would censor you.

    Be Well.

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  27. Some of your readers are trying really, really hard to keep their mouths shut. More than a little surprised at the brouhaha and the storm-the-Bastille tone. Or the Macon County courthouse, as the case may be.

    "Mockingbirds don't do one thing but make music for us to enjoy. They don't eat up people's gardens, don't nest in corncribs, they don't do one thing but sing their hearts out for us."

    Thanks for your always beautifully-written and thought-provoking music. (Well, that's what I'd say if I weren't keeping my mouth shut. Which I am. You don't need me to defend you. Nor should you feel the need to defend yourself.)

    Sing out, Louise!

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  28. Roswelltop,

    Much of this world seems to have lost the ability to consider context, as in the context in which a word is used. And when that happens, honest dialogue is impossible and demagoguery rules.

    Thank you for that. I'm more grateful than you could guess.

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  29. Throb,

    Thanks for keeping your mouth shut in that unique not-keeping-your-mouth-shut manner.

    Sadly, I've been feeling on the defensive all day.

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  30. I really, really don't like that word. But here's the key: I wasn't in that bedroom. Hello? Individual freedom and blah blah blah? What offends one of us may turn on another.

    I don't like being spanked, either. I know a boy who can cum just from that. Someday I'm going to spank the hell out of him! Spanking itself doesn't turn me on, not at all; him being turned on by my spanking him? Different story, in fact my mouth is watering a little bit just thinking about it.

    If someone is turned on by being degraded, racially or otherwise, this may be a sign of deeper problems. Or it may not. In either case, it's not up to you as a sex partner to treat him psychologically.

    I could not do that. I have a very strong aversion to the N word, to the point where I don't think I could pronounce it aloud without throwing up. This was ingrained in me at an early age, and has served me well. And while I'm a dom, I don't think I could have an African-American sub; it would creep me out.

    But no one asked ME to. Imagine if someone who needs exactly that, sexually (and is perfectly functional and happy) couldn't get it because no one would say The Word to him? That would be...well, maybe not tragic, but really sad.

    I'm glad you could do it. Thank you for not putting the actual word in the writeup; I couldn't have finished reading it if you did. And thanks for writing up this experience. It's something I would never have known existed (his particular fetish, I mean) had you refrained out of racial squeamishness.

    Christopher

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  31. Christopher,

    Thank you--both for sharing your visceral reaction and for being so thoughtful about it. I'm in your debt.

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  32. Breeder,

    Not at all! Happy to do it...tempting as it is to say "I know just how you can pay me back"! :-)

    Christopher

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  33. A day late and several dollars short, as usual. I just read this entry. Guys, I thought we were all on the same page. This is a far more sophisticated and intellectually provocative blog than most of the tripe out there, and Rob is going to push some buttons now and then. And I say, good for him. This was an encounter between two consenting adults, both of whom clearly had a very good time. At the very least, even if you disagree with Rob, you can at least extend the same politeness and courtesy to him that he extends to us. This entry was very well-written, Rob, even if it made *me* a little uneasy as well. But that's not always a bad thing, is it? Thanks for sharing.

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  34. John,

    I appreciate your intercession. Thank you.

    Although I think I'm due a little courtesy here, on my own blog, I feel very protective toward the men I write about in here. I'm not the sort of guy who denigrates sexual partners in the public pages of my journal; I don't get a thrill or a sense of superiority by mocking the sexual desires of the men I sleep with and write about, or being disparaging about their physical appearance. I won't, for example, call a man's desire to be degraded 'embarrassing' any more than I'd call a sex partner something vile like 'fatty.'

    I think my expectation is that my readers would extend their courtesy to the sexual partners of whom I write even more than to me. I can defend myself, after all. They cannot.

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  35. Breeder,

    Thank you again for another brilliant post.

    Firstly, I love how respectful and sensitive you are towards those who you have sex with. Its shown in all your blog posts and again here through not putting 'The Word' (as your refer to it previously) as you felt uncomfortable with it.

    Secondly, I was at a talk last night with Stephen Fry and Tim Berners-Lee and they were talking about the development of technology. They were asked what the most important technological break through was in the last 350 years. Frys response was that of communication, specifically books and the written word as it has the ability to simply convey so much emotion. I think your post brilliantly demonstrates this with the amount of emotion it has stirred in the people above.

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  36. Gordon,

    Now you've vaulted into Best Commenter Ever position! Unfortunately, to maintain this exalted title, you'll have to stroke my ego on a daily basis, or more often as desired. And I'm talking about my desire, not yours.

    But seriously, thank you for your heady praise. Plus, anyone who can namedrop Stephen Fry gets my full admiration.

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  37. Haha thank you and I'l try to keep it up.

    I wasn't sure at first if you would know him as he isn't big in America but then I saw the picture of you and your new book further down. He is brilliant live

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  38. Damn dude, you never dissappoint!
    As a Black man I'm insanely jealous of that guy.
    As far as "the word" goes, if that's what he's into nothing "wrong" with that.
    If I were being fucked by a rough skinhead looking guy it would make sense if he threw that in. The sex would have to be intense though.
    In other words, to call me that you'd have to look the part and make me feel like I couldn't do anything about it.

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  39. OMG How great is this fucking line? "Both the bottom and the bed sighed in unison when finally I knelt with one knee on the edge." Brilliant!

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  40. jmgpsn,

    Thanks for your perspective. It's all about context, isn't it?

    And thanks for the compliment--I liked that line myself.

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  41. You've been a teacher, and here you are teaching all who read your post(s) that this private, consensual interaction can be personally powerful to the participants, and be nobody-fucking-else's business. Yes, the anonymous comments have long been removed, but it's too easy to figure out their content. And their lack of respect for reasoned, intelligent discourse. Your bravery in putting up the post is commendable, as you had to have known it would cause discussion. But, I'm sorry not all readers have understood the care you take with each and every sex partner. Both in connecting with them and making the experience exactly what they hope for.
    JPinPDX

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