Friday, June 15, 2012

Open Forum Friday: Itchy Finger on the Block Button

Earlier this week I wrote one of those hippie-dippy, new-agey posts that occasionally come bursting out of me. I absolutely stand by what I said; I totally meant every word.

But opening oneself up like that is essentially a way of making oneself vulnerable. In a way, it’s like slapping a big KICK ME sign on one’s back and hoping that the universe doesn’t take notice.

It does. And that’s why I’m following up that last post with one that’s totally crabby-pants. Namely, I’m going to list:

The Top 5 Latest Reasons I’m Likely To Ignore A Guy.

The issue came up because I had a couple of people totally incensed that I would take the extreme and (in their minds) anti-social step to block them this week—one on an instant messenger, another on an online site. Both immediately logged into other accounts and proceeded to protest how very dare I do such a thing!

But the truth is, If someone is bugging me, and I’m in a tetchy mood, or if they push me just an inch to far, I’m never going to deal with that person ever again, if I can help it. Instant messenger sites, and online cruising sites, mostly offer the option to block or ignore people so that I no longer show up as visible or contactable on their lists, nor they on mine. When it comes to irritating people, my trigger finger is awfully itchy when it comes to that ignore or block function. And my reasons are:

1. Because we’ve had this conversation more than once.

Him: wassup?? 
Me: Hello. 
Him: can you cam? 
Me: No. 
Him: why not?? 
Me: I’m not in a position to cam at the moment. 
Him: why not???

Does it really matter why? Do you really want to know that I have my entire extended family playing bridge in the next room, or that I’m in a public library, or that I just got out of bed and look like Hugh Laurie had a very very rough night drinking and brawling? Or are you just going to take whatever I say and ask, oh come on just for a minute?

Basically, unless you’re a close friend, the whys of my life aren’t your business, son.

2. Because we’ve never met and you’re asking me if my ‘top buddies’ can join in.

I’ve been over this one several times before. That one line, faster than anything else a man can do, signals me that the guy isn’t very serious about meeting; he just wants the fantasy that a bunch of alpha males find him desirable.

If you want your ego bolstered, show up and have sex with me. I’ll tell you how beautiful you are (if you are), or how good you make me feel (if you make me feel it). The only other time I want to see the words top and buddy is if your sentence is Don’t you want to come over and top my buddy’s ass?

3. Because you chew me out for no good reason.

Only online sites, I’m always casting a disparaging eye over the profiles that rant against winks, nudges, pokes, and other low-investment forms of communication. Sure, I like an actual email better than anything, but a lot of these sites limit the number of actual messages a non-paying member can send; a wink is a quick and dirty way of letting someone know you’re interested, and allowing them the leeway to get back to you if they care to.

And the ‘if they care to’ is the operative point, there. I’m usually polite to the men who wink at me, but I tend simply not to reply to men who either have no photo or information in their profile, who have extremely little information and a murky photo of the top quarter of their dick, or to men I find deeply and unredeemably unattractive. It happens.

One of the guys who chewed me out this week irritated me by winking at me every four or five minutes over the course of a half-hour. I looked at his profile the first time and saw a creepy guy with a photo that looked as if he’d had it taken as a mug shot following incarceration over a sexual offense. Really, it was bad enough to make me shudder and click off immediately. I trashed the following winks without opening them, and then finally blocked the asshole when he wouldn’t stop winking.

Whereupon he logged into a second account with an even creepier photograph and chewed me out for blocking him because he was ugly and just because I was hot didn’t give me the right to have such a god-damned attitude. Of course, he was right. Not just about me being hot, but about the reason why I didn’t respond to him. But it’s awfully presumptuous to rant at me about it, since I didn’t say a word.
So I blocked his second profile, too.

Online cruising can be rough. I get rejected too. I don’t yell at guys about it. (I just whinge in my blog. So basically I guess I’m suggesting that you get a blog and complain in it, too?)

4. Because your appetite is not what you claim it is.

I’m a dirty whore, said the guy online. He was semi-local, and seemed eager to hook up. I’ll take any cock you want.

Already we were perilously close to him asking about my top buddies, but I decided to play along. Any cock? I asked.

Yes, ANY COCK. Because I’m a dirty whore.

How about cock from a four-legged animal? I typed.

Fuck no! he said. That’s sick, man.

I have a top buddy who’s sixty-three, I wrote. I think he’d like to join in.

I like older than me but they gotta be under forty, he replied, apparently ignoring the fact that I’m well over that age myself.

Okay, I could bring my black buddies with me then.

I don’t do black guys, he wrote. A minute later, he added, Or porto-ricans [sic] or chinks.

How about my poz buddies? I pecked out.

NO, he wrote. Then added, They gotta be CLEAN.

I’m pretty sure the poz guys I know shower regularly, but whatever. So basically when you say you’ll do ANY cock, you mean HIV-negative middle-class white humans over 28 and under 40.

Yeah, you know any of those?

Click! Ignore.

If you want to be a dirty whore, be a dirty whore. If you want to be a nice boy who only submits to dicks your mama might approve, fine. Do that. Just know who you are and don't let your mouth make promises the rest of you isn't prepared to carry out.

5. Because I don’t want to buy what you’re selling.

Ask my father, or my brother, or my loved ones, and they’ll tell you that the surest way not to get me to do what you want is to push hard at me to do it. I am one of the stubbornest mules around.

I get a lot of people, because of my blog, who want me to do things for them. They want me to read their porn stories, or they want me to swap blog links with them, or they want me to promote their fledgling blog in my pages. Some people want me to promote their products here. I’m not averse to any of those things in principle, certainly, and I don’t mind people asking.

But what I do mind is when someone asks, and asks, and asks, and badgers me repeatedly to get what he wants. Sending me multiple emails asking for a link exchange or a product mention, then sending me follow-ups asking if I got the emails about the link exchange or product mention, is just going to make me dig in my heels and growl in your general direction. Throw in an admonitory email expressing your exasperation that I’m not leaping at the chance to promote you? Oh, that is when I put your email address in my block filter, my friend.

No, I don’t respond well to the hard sale. (Fawning and flattery will get me, though. Every damned time.)

Your turn. What are your top reasons for blocking other guys?


  1. Too funny. I think these are all great reasons to block.

  2. On a straight dating site, I blocked a guy who, immediately after sending him my email for pm's, said he had facebook searched my email, found me and my facebook page, and started asking me to invite the other girls in my pictures on our date.

    I blocked him from my profile and my facebook page.

    So yeah, telling me that you are stalking me on facebook would be a reason for me to block!

    1. Yeah, that kind of stalkerish behavior is not really acceptable.

      Or rather, if you're going to stalk someone like that, do it quietly and keep the results to yourself. Curiosity is fine, but bragging about how you've stalked a guy is pretty creepy.

  3. Too true for words. Been there. Done that. Bought the t-shirt. Wore it out. Threw it away. If I tell a guy "no" then that is my answer. BRILLIANT post.
    Matthew Darringer.

  4. I agree with you 100% on all the points and have done so myself. And sometimes because I just got a weird vibe and they made me uncomfortable, which seems flimsy, but bottom line is unless we actually know each other, online persona's are not who the person is and they don't know me, I don't owe them anything. I have every right to block whomever I want, whenever I want, for whatever reason I want. LOL.

    It took me a long time when I first was going out (before the internet) to realize that I didn't have to give every person that talked to me in a bar my complete undivided attention or my phone number just to be polite. I will give a person a chance, but at some point the line has to be drawn. And if the person just is not it, then time to move on.

    1. But from my perspective, Mike, my online persona IS pretty much the same as who I am in real life, so I tend to assume that about everyone. If someone projects a stable and pleasant online persona, I'm going to assume (until they prove otherwise) that they are a trustworthy and good person to be around in the flesh. If someone acts like a freakshow online, though, they're not going to get a shot at coming near me in person.

      I think politeness is important, but there are a whole lot of people out there who will seize upon one's politeness in an attempt to manipulate. As you say, politeness has its limits.

  5. I love it!

    I can't help thinking that any kids you helped raise must be a blast at parties.

    You wrote "I’m pretty sure the poz guys I know shower regularly, but whatever. So basically when you say you’ll do ANY cock, you mean HIV-negative middle-class white humans over 28 and under 40."

    1. Highly analytical father + Mouthy and passionate mother = Me

    2. I have a highly analytical husband and I am more than mouthy. Well I hope my son writes as well as you!

  6. Amazing how people can get so worked up if some cyberland stranger they have never met in person doesn't want to communicate with them for what ever reason. I'm sure in real life they aren't buddy buddy with everyone they meet so why do they think in cyberland they should be.

    I would be more concerned if someone I known in cyberland for years and have gotten along with well, all of a sudden started to not approve my comments, ignored me, and acted like I don't exist but carry on just fine with everyone else.

    I know on Twitter I block people who follow me and 2000+ others but have never posted one tweet. That is just one sided and doesn't make sense so I block them.

    1. Twitter is entirely different from other social networks. So many people use it as a source of news and entertainment that courtesy follow-backs really don't (and shouldn't) apply.

  7. You're like a thesaurus with a big dick. (A big heart too, but I won't go there since you're in crabby-pants mode. Or trying to be.) Today I learned "tetchy" and "whinge" and they're both synonyms for crabby-pants. Hmmm.

    You thoroughly enjoyed toying with the ANY-cock guy, didn't you? Too good and too funny. I think it's persistence in the face of disinterest (often escalating into your Reason 3) that annoys me the most. I'm a nice guy, I (often) respond to winks, I try to be pleasant and polite—but "no thanks" is "no thanks." It can make a person tetchy.

    1. I know all the synonyms for 'crabby-pants!'

      I was being a little mean with Mr. Any-Cock, but he was one of those Michigan guys who said for half a decade we were going to get together sometime and who never was available or made a move, and who further didn't even notice I'd moved to the east coast over a year ago until last week.

  8. I don't know why you won't answer me. Did you get my comment yet?!

    1. Only you get to get away with this, Mr. Throb.

  9. Liars get blocked. If I connect with someone and we both drop trou and they are less than expected...they get the big b. If they want a repeat of a bad hook-up...blocked. Leaving multiple, or daily tracks (Adam4Adam & Manhunt) and I don't respond or find them attractive:blocked. Otherwise, I'm pretty easy.

    1. Multiple/daily tracks bugs me a little, but I find it FAR less obtrusive and obnoxious than the men who IMMEDIATELY send me a message of "LOOKING?" or "now????" every time I log on.

      I just this minute blocked a guy on Manhunt who did that, in fact, only he topped it off with 'Why don't you ever talk to me???" Because you make me dread logging onto the fucking web site, asshole, that's why.

  10. To the boobs who want to know "how very dare you" block them, I presume you reply, "Am I bovvered?"


  11. My top reason for blocking is the same as one of yours. Don't badger me via email every minute or so. It just seems desperate.

    I have to say though, your comment about not wanting to cam because you look like Hugh Laurie after a night of drinking and brawling isn't really a good excuse. It just made me horny!

    1. Mmmm, I really have been looking like Laurie, of late. Luckily, I've always found him attractive.

  12. Be a stubborn mule and stay ur course. U have it right. Fuck the teases and pretenders

    1. Thanks Butch. That's just what a stubborn mule like me wants to hear!

  13. The only person I blocked was a man I met in a chat room which I frequented using my alias, THEN he sent me a friend request on my RL Facebook, followed my RL Twitter and finally claimed to know me ... in RL.

    1. Okay, that's really stalkery and creepy. I don't blame you.

  14. Fastest way to get blocked is to make assumptions about my relationship with my partner based on your opinions of love and monogamy. My relationship with my partner is between he and I and when you start lecturing me about being "cheating scum" before you know anything about the open and honest relationship we have, all that's gonna get you is a "fuck off" and the block button.

  15. I can't tell if I'm stubborn or not, but I actually don't even block the guys that do the repeated messages. I don't want to give them the satisfaction of any response. So, I think I've only gotten the stalked-on-another-site-angry-message only once or twice.

    But I do block the guys that don't have a public face pic that I've chatted with before but we weren't a match (in either direction) just so I don't waste his or my time hitting him up again. I'm good at recognizing faces. Cock? Not so much... And I'm all about efficiency. Ha!

    1. Bruce, I will block guys with whom it didn't really work IF they start hitting me up on a new service. If they leave me alone, I don't tend to do it—but that's mainly because I don't spend much time browsing the profiles so much as I let people hit me up.

      I'm a lazy arrogant top that way.

  16. There is a guy on a hook-up site that has been after me for a while. We'd never been able to meet because of each other's schedules. I finally had a good time to get together and said so. He's all enthusiastic though he wants more pictures of me, when there are plenty of all types on my profile. Once I email him more pictures that really are just variations of the ones already online, he writes back that he's not sure I'm his type. ((((rolling my eyes))))) Fine, whatever, stopped talking to him online. A few months later, he tries to chat with me again and wants to hook up!? WTF?! I hate men who play games.

    1. Chances are good that you're more likely to remember him for the rudeness (and it is rude!), than he is for your photos. Those men are a waste of a time and breath. Block 'em.