Friday, September 28, 2012

A Butt-Chugging Good Time

I swear to god, if I turn on the radio or television and have to hear the phrase butt-chugging again, I’m going to take a gun and blow out the speakers. It’s not that I’m offended by the phrase itself, inelegant as it is. What bothers me is the way that most of the newscasters speak it, as if wrapping their lips around syllables so closely related to the evacuatory channel is beneath them—though it’s very plain that most of them get a thrill out of being able to get away, finally, with saying something so crude on the air. Even Anderson Cooper, when he started talking about butt-chugging on his program, wore a little raised eyebrow that indicated he thought the whole thing was. . . .

Wait. You don’t know what butt-chugging is? Let’s back up.

There was a news article earlier this week that reporting about an incident at the Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity at the University of Tennessee. I don’t know about your colleges for those of you who went, but back in the day, the Pi Kappa Alphas were the target of many a jack-off fantasy of mine, because at my school they were a uniformly hot bunch. Whenever I’d see one of them coming my way in those maroon-colored sweats with the gold greek letters on the outer thigh, I’d melt. If it hadn’t been for the fact that they were also uniform assholes, I would’ve almost regretted never rushing. Anyway, the incident involved a near-fatal poisoning from an alcohol enema. Alcohol, when douched into the rectum, gets absorbed into the bloodstream very quickly; it’s possible to get much more drunk rectally than it is by actually drinking.

Naturally, the report was bizarre enough to mainstream America that it couldn’t be treated as an isolated incident. No, it had to be classified as a trend, and given the name of butt-chugging. Any news outlet would have you imagining that all the cool kids are butt-chugging on college campuses these days. Hell, they’re probably butt-chugging in the men’s and women’s rooms between seminars, and butt-chugging in their dorm rooms instead of doing what coeds did in the good old-fashioned days when canasta, flagpole-sitting, and goldfish-swallowing was the height of craziness. Twenty-three skidoo, and all that. Parents are now supposed to educate their children on the dangers of butt-chugging. Priests will need to sit down with younger members of their flocks when they sense trouble and ask the question, “My child, are you a butt-chugger?”

It’s all ridiculous, of course. Alcohol enemas have been around forever. It’s never going to be a ‘trend’ because come on, let’s get real. How many frat boys are so un-homophobic that they’re going to give each other enemas? No, people. I’m talking about real frat boys outside of one of those streaming pay-per-view porn websites.

I encountered the phenomenon first back in the late nineties, when a guy who’d share his bottom at small parties would first buzz the boy up with a beer enema. The younger guy was still in training in taking multiple big dicks, so a quick flush to the colon with a Fleet bag and a cheap beer (I have a memory of it being a generic brand, because like his top said, he wasn’t going to have to taste it), and the hole was ready for a couple of hours of fucking. No nausea, no risk of puking—just a quick buzz followed by two or three men piling on to fill him up.

At the other end of the spectrum was a fellow I knew in Chicago who would invite me to his apartment when I was in town, who fancied himself a kind of specialist in the art of the wine enema. He kept a kind of log of his experiments in oenophile colonics, and was as much of a snob about what vintage went up his shitter as if he’d been a member of the Windy City Wine Council. Desperate to impress, he would keep the bottle from which he’d decanted his expensive douche by the bedside table. When I’d be undressing on my arrival, he’d bore me a little by telling me about the label, its history, and the year of its creation; he’d also offer me a glass—as if I wouldn’t be tasting the remnants on his butt cheeks in a few minutes.

On the whole, I had more sympathy for the guy with the generic beer. At least he didn’t have any pretense about what he was doing.

Now, alcoholic enemas aren’t something I’m recommending. They can be dangerous, or even fatal. I don’t even find them vaguely erotic; about the best I can say for them is that at least they don’t leave one’s breath smelling foul. But to pretend they’re something that’s done only by crrrrrazy frat boys is to do a disservice to the vast spectrum of sexual behavior among both gay and straight people (oh yes, straight people do it, too). It reinforces the act as a fetishized, marginal behavior. It sensationalizes what is really not that exceptional an experience, and makes it titillating.

But you know, maybe it’s a little bit worth it, if only to see Anderson Cooper try to keep a straight face while saying the words butt-chugger on the air.

14 comments:

  1. LoL ! haven't heard of anyone doing this OUTSIDE of the college scene either. And you hit the nail on the head with the Anderson Cooper comment hahahaha. And I(like many I assume these days) would love to hit that nail HARD ;-) !!!

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    1. Yeah, it's like you have to be stupid to go to college these days, right?

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  2. I used to kid people who were having a bad day or not feeling well and tell them to take a wine enema and they wouldn't care about anything. I was only kidding and never thought anyone would do that. Now I know I will never say that again.

    The sad part to this is people will now be doing this to try it as until the media blast it over the airways, they never thought to do it.

    Watch the sale of those home enema bag kits are going to spike in October as people get the idea to try it and to be a butt-chugger for Halloween.

    And lets face it, Mom and Dad won't smell booze on their teens breath if they butt-chug so this will now be popular with teens. Mom and Dad will not have to start smelling their kids breath and farts to see if they've been drinking.

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  3. one of my johns, a university professors, butt chugged me me with vodka in order to make me more amiable to taking his bare cock and load. He didn't need to of course but fuck was I high as he kept doing shots from my cunt.

    Pakistani pussyboi

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    1. So how long did it take you to get high from that, Pussyboi?

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  4. LOL, I still chuckle when I remember Anderson Cooper's reaction to having his cell phone swabbed for germs, apparently literally for shits and giggles. "Are you telling me there's fecal matter on my cell phone???"

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    1. Foxy as he is, I think he'd be too much of a priss in bed. Specifically because of reactions like these.

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  5. Obviously I have lived a sheltered life. I had never heard of this "practice" before reading this blog entry. I have no interest in trying it. There's a reason why it's called inTOXICation.

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  6. Yeah, I hadn't heard of this either, but my oh my, what am I learning. I wll have to agree completely with cyberi4a about this going to be in "fashion" for a while.

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  7. I have given a couple in my time. There's a surprise, I know....

    For those tempted to try--cut the wine or beer with water. About 1/3 water to 2/3 of the wine or beer. It makes it much safer to dilute the alcohol--but it is still strong enough for the bottom to feel it.

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    1. Yeah, I think that's good advice, FP. How much liquid total are you putting in on average?

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  8. My former Master once made me drink beer out of his ass.
    I realize this is not the same as the "butt-chugging" you are referencing.

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    1. It is on his end!

      I suppose it's a whole new definition of the phrase.

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