Sunday, November 20, 2011

Sunday Morning Questions: Little Island Big City Edition

New York City is a small town.

I know you think I'm crazy for saying so, but it seems as if every time I head into the city, I run into someone unexpectedly. I head to a bar for the evening where no one should know me, and a reader will recognize me. I'll spend an afternoon at a museum, and then find later that someone's hit me up on Manhunt with, Think you're hot, were you looking at Venetian paintings earlier this afternoon?

Or, as happened Friday, I ran into a reader without knowing it. I went into the city for a show and went into Uniqlo, a clothing store, before dinner. I was there for about an hour, maybe, and then went on my merry way. Saturday, one of my most long-term readers sent me a message saying he'd seen me at Uniqlo and didn't want to startle me by saying hello. All I could really do was respond in the most predictable manner possible for me: I asked how my hair had been looking.

When the answer came that it had been looking pretty sensational, I was free to chew out the guy for not saying hello.

Because really—if you recognize me out there in the big wide world, the time to say hi is not after I've been away from the Venetian paintings for a few hours. It's not the day after I've been trying on jackets. It's when you see me at the museum or while we're both at Uniqlo.

There's ways to say hello and ways to say hello, of course. I'm not going to appreciate it if a reader yells across the cashmere sweaters, HEY AREN'T YOU THAT SEX BLOGGER?! Walking up to me, shaking my hand, putting a palm on my shoulder and telling me quietly that you're a reader, though? That works.

As a general warning, I'll probably be taking off the latter half of the upcoming week, what with the Thanksgiving holiday in the U.S. Feel free to send me nude photos of you and your turkeys, if you dare.

(I'm kind of hoping that someone out there does dare.)

Let's get to some more questions from, shall we? And please, feel free to ask your questions of me there—I've opened up the anonymous posting option once more.

Last time you bottomed for a man? How old was he?

The last time I bottomed to completion for a man was about 9 years ago. He was in his fifties.

Is there anything you find your partners are generally inhibited doing, that you wish they did more spontaneously / proactively?

All the damned time.

Oh, you wanted specifics? I think what irritates me most is when men are too inhibited to give me any kind of feedback during the act, whether verbal, physical, or even just a grunt here or there. If a guy's just going to lie there, I might as well bang a corpse or a sack of potatoes. And I'd prefer neither, thank you.

I also wish men were less inhibited about getting out from behind their computer screens and meeting in the flesh. The Internet might be great for porn, but it has created countless homebound prisoners, none of whom have been forced into electronic ankle bracelets.

A serious question from a Kinsey 6: Does the vagina really smell like fish?


A vagina will acquire an odor when it's not washed. But you know, the ol' bait and tackle don't smell that great when not exposed to a shower, either.

My answer to this question will not stop me from yelling, when I feed my fat cat dried mackerel flakes, "It smells like a Korean brothel in here!"

what advice would you give to someone about to try bottoming for the first time?

I'd suggest playing with your hole--at first in a clean environment like the shower, and when you're accustomed to the feelings, perhaps with small toys and multiple fingers. Get used to the sensations, and be aware that a dick is going to stretch you even wider.

I'd suggest cleaning out beforehand, for your peace of mind, and for your partner's hygiene.

Above all, I'd suggest remembering that sex is supposed to be fun. You might not enjoy bottoming the first time--but it will rapidly grow more enjoyable. If it's embarrassing or painful, don't beat yourself up. Move on to another activity, and come back to anal another time.

Hypothetical situation: I have come to visit you and I offer to perform any one act you desire, what can I do for you?

Touch me and rub me all over with your hands, from head to foot, for as long as you can stand it.

It's probably the one thing I crave that I rarely get, and you'd be doing me a big favor.

This may be from an era gone by, but.... Have you ever been to a drive in movie? And if you have, what was the last movie you saw at a drive in? Is there one left in your area?

I distinctly remember seeing my one drive-in movie when I was four or five years old. It had Phyllis Diller in it, and she scared me silly.

There was a large drive-in in Dearborn, when I used to live in Michigan, but I never had the urge or opportunity to go.

What is your favorite flavor of Ice Cream?

I'm really fond of a red velvet cake-flavored frozen yogurt from a dairy store near me, but I found a recent contender for new favorite when I visited Pinkberry and discovered their peanut butter-flavored yogurt. It's nutty and, best of all, salty.

Generally I'm fond of coffee-flavored frozen desserts, too.

Reading your post about the guy whose mind had been overtaken by porn dialog, has porn and the proliferation of its availability been a net plus or minus for guys?

It's a mixed bag with a lot of plusses and minuses.

One plus would be that there's porn out there for everyone—every fetish, every kink, every body type, every combination of age and race and gender. It's also sanitary and means the only thing you have to clean up after is the messy discharge. You won't catch a disease from porn. And perhaps most importantly, it might expose a person to acts they've contemplated and not known how to go about, and it can act as an instruction manual of sorts, and even an encouragement to take action.

The minuses are just as plentiful. Porn often gives people unreasonable expectations not only about what their own bodies should look like, but what they 'deserve' in a partner—the number of men I've met in my lifetime who feel genuinely entitled to 'porn star quality' sex partners is astounding, particularly when they're not exactly porn star material themselves. Porn glosses over the messy and difficult parts of sex, so that when they happen naturally, the people participating can feel like failures unless they're fairly experienced. And the abundance of porn also has created a whole mass of people who stay at home and masturbate for hours on end, instead of meeting people and actually having sex.

As an enhancement to a sex life, I think porn is great. As a replacement for it, not so much.

What is your favourite accent? and why?

My favorite accent is the one I hear when my partner speaks with a pillow in his mouth.


  1. Rob - of all you Q&A the one about the accent wins hands-down. Too, too funny. The visual aspect of it is hilarious. sammybear

  2. Friend Rob, in re: Hypothetical situation above: My massage table takes less than 3 minutes to set up. #justsayin'

  3. Oh my god, Rob, I freaking love Uniqlo. That's the store I always go to when I'm in New York.Too bad they don't have one here. Gotta say you sure have a good taste!

    Sorry I haven't email you for ages. Just graduated, and now back home preparing for grad school. Hope everything is well.


  4. """""There's ways to say hello and ways to say hello, of course. I'm not going to appreciate it if a reader yells across the cashmere sweaters, HEY AREN'T YOU THAT SEX BLOGGER?!"""""

    Why did Lucy Ricardo and Ethel Mertz in Hollywood just come to mind and what could

  5. Sammybear,

    But it's true, right? That's why it's so funny!

  6. RedPhillip,

    Re-ally. Did I know that about you before? You know I have the memory of a sieve.

  7. W.,

    I know, I am a Uniqlo fan as well. I wouldn't buy all my clothing there because they're a little less form-fitting than I generally like, but man. They have the nicest stuff. I am considering going back tomorrow to buy some of their wale-less corduroys. And a buttload of socks.

  8. Drive-ins - gone with 8-track tapes and .... well, a lot of things. There is one left in Western Canada that I know of and it is riotously good fun to attend as long as you wait until the mosquito season is over. They are extinct for very good reasons, but as a novelty, well worth seeking out on a warm summer evening. And the one in Enderby BC? Cheap like borscht. Not sure they would be my favourite place for sex - I can think of 100 public places to make out that are more comfortable than the average automobile. Fun question though. GC Anonymous

  9. how many socks does it take to fill a butt I wonder ;-)

  10. Huh. I thought I posted a comment this morning and it went through, but I guess not...

    I said that I now have a fantasy of taking you to a drive-in that I know of and having a little fun time while the movie is playing. I went to my first and only drive-in this past summer, but I noticed it is still a place for some releasing of teen-age passion, even if you aren't in a teen's body.

    And I guess I'll tack on that I would love to just stumble on you in a store, but I feel like I would tell you in advance if I were going to NYC so it wouldn't be a chance meeting.