Thursday, January 12, 2012

10 Things You Might Want to Avoid Telling a Sex Blogger

Or any blogger. Even as a joke. Unless, of course, you actually enjoy being told Fuck you! in a fairly prompt way.

1. You are my seventh-favorite blog!

Because I'm going to want to hunt down and kill the six between myself and the highest spot, of course.

2. The metaphor you used in your blog yesterday didn’t work for me. Also I think you should’ve used ‘sprinkled with cum’ instead of ‘laced with cum’ because ejaculate doesn’t have holes.

Then you know what? When you write your own blog, please feel free to do just that.

3. Too much yadda-yadda-yadda. Get to the action already.

There are hundreds of similar blogs out there. Please feel free to find one that suits you better.

4. I love your blog! There are too many words but I like your picture at the top.

Gee, thanks bunches.

5. Did you ever have a hot and sex encounter where you visited a guy at home and got caught by his wife and she got really upset and stripped off her clothes and forced both of you to lick her feet while she called you nasty faggots and then used dildos on both your asses and made you fuck her husband while she laughed and played with herself? If so, can you write about it?

Thanks for your oddly-specific request. I’ll dig through the memory banks and see if I can recall such a happenstance.

6. Hi I love your blog link to mine at imanastyfratboycumslut.blogspot.com.

No.

7. I used to read your blog all the time, but kind of got out of the habit.

Thanks for telling me. Asshole.

8. You used to write that blog, didn’t you? So what’s been happening? Catch me up in two sentences or less.

You know what a blog is for, right?

9. I’ve read your blog before. What’s the address again?

Most modern browsers have this thing called a ‘bookmark.’ Would you like me to instruct you how to use it?

10. Do you still keep that blog thing?

Gee, thanks for sharing your disinterest. I feel all warm and smooshy inside now.

30 comments:

  1. I LOVE your blog, and happen to think you are hot as fuck! Just wish you were closer, so you could fuck my fat lil boypussy...:D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Travis, thank you. See, that's EXACTLY what sex bloggers want to hear. At least, the piggy gay top ones.

      Delete
  2. Oh boy. I laughed a little bit, but it was a sympathetic laugh, honest. I have had maybe half of those myself. But if you have gotten all of those...well, my friend, you deserve a few guilt-free angry emails.

    -Ace

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've had variations on all those and more. I'd thought you'd recognize #3, since it was the start of a Twitter war.

      Delete
  3. #5 sounds like he just woke his own fantasy story just asking a question.....lol

    """""Also I think you should’ve used ‘sprinkled with cum’ instead of ‘laced with cum’ because ejaculate doesn’t have holes"""""

    Gee ejaculate also doesn't 'sprinkle' out like baking flour. At least mine or anyone else's I've seen doesn't.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. #5 is probably the most common, only it's not always that specific scenario. Guys come at me with specific things they like to imagine I've done, and they want to read about them.

      Delete
  4. 2. The metaphor you used in your blog yesterday didn’t work for me. Also I think you should’ve used ‘sprinkled with cum’ instead of ‘laced with cum’ because ejaculate doesn’t have holes.

    Then you know what? When you write your own blog, please feel free to do just that.

    3. Too much yadda-yadda-yadda. Get to the action already.

    There are hundreds of similar blogs out there. Please feel free to find one that suits you better.


    You know what they say--those that can't do teach.

    You know what anonymous persons? Why don't you just print out a copy of my blog, get out a big red pen and mark up all the changes you'd like to see. Then you can scan it and email it back to me and you'll feel a lot better. Especially since you're paying so much to read this content. Oh wait, it's free? Yeah. Shuddup.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ms.,

      I'm sure you recognize variations of these, yourself.

      There is helpful editing—like last week, when I'd settled on one pseudonym for my sophomore roommate, and then changed it to Edvig, and forgot to change one instance of it in the entry. I had a nice reader write in and point it out so I could make it consistent. That was helpful.

      But there are a readers whose approach is more like GOTCHA!. That's not helpful at all.

      Delete
  5. Someone needs a hug. {{{{{Rob}}}}}

    xoxo,

    John

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. John, this cranky-ass always needs a hug.

      Delete
    2. I would gladly hug you too, Rob, andI love reading your blog!

      Charles

      Delete
  6. jesus, don't people have commonsense anymore?? It just puzzles me sometimes how rude most people are.

    Will

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Will,

      Oh, these people have only scratched the surface of rude!

      Delete
  7. I am smiling really wide--you are so funny--I completely enjoy each story you write. Really I wish I could go out for a beer with you--such a smart and interesting, funny guy.

    Regards.

    Steph

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Steph,

      I'd go out for a beer with anyone who laughs at the story behind the story. Name the bar!

      Delete
  8. To think that people actually go out of their way to tell you - or any other blogger - such insipid, mindless detritus. I unfollowed one of my favorite bloggers yesterday after seeing one-too-many mean comments on other's posts. FAIL!

    I read all of your posts from a place of understanding and common experience, and am always thrilled when your words trigger my emotions.

    Thanks for blogging,

    Drew

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Drew,

      I'll defend a blogger's right to criticize another blogger, since I've been critical of other blogs and blog trends in here myself, very very occasionally.

      However, a blogger's consistent use of mean comments to put down another blogger in that person's own blog is just putrid. I had one blogger who'll remain nameless attempt to do that over a manic and unmedicated weekend, last autumn, and it was a freakin' nightmare.

      No one is as thrilled when I trigger a response in you as I could be. Thank you for sharing it with me.

      Delete
  9. I strikes me as odd how people seem to think rudeness is fine as long as your online. Maybe in this modern world parents should teach online manners as well as the old fashioned kind.

    Cheers

    Jamie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jamie,

      A little of that might go a long way. The vast majority of my commenters and readers are sweethearts. A few of them are heedless. Only a couple are the snakes in Eden.

      Delete
  10. Sounds like I need to brace myself for when these comments start coming to me through my blog. I agree with John that you need a hug! I will hug you while we are both naked and your cock is using my ass for your pleasure. I think you need a hug and a ass to fuck.

    (((HUGS)))

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hysterically entertaining. As humanity, we are pretty crazy aren't we! Often maddening, but always entertaining.

    Rob, your vents give us all a reality check. Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hahahaha Rob- I can always count on you to get me laughing :-) I'd hug you if I could reach that far.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Rob- I can always count on you to get me laughing.
    (((((BIG HUG))))))

    ReplyDelete
  14. But Rob, if you didn't have a few whiners, what would there be to stop you from thinking you're perfect? I, for one, applaud them for helping to keep you the Breeder I love to read.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kevin, it's true that my ego is already Godzilla-like.

      Delete
  15. My last comment from someone was: "someone with your name has a website of great fiction."

    FUCK YOU!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. BikeGuy,

      I know, right? Whenever I get asked by someone if my site is fiction—or if I get told it must be—all I can really feel, though, is sorry for the person whose sex life is so pitiful that mine seems like the stuff of a great imagination.

      Delete
    2. I think that those of us who manage to see colour everywhere have difficulty imagining what the world is like for people who mostly see in black and white. If they could be stepped through how much they are missing out of every encounter they have, they'd be astonished how little actual difference there is between their life and yours. You, on the other hand, would likely be a mix of saddened and amused.

      Delete
  16. Love every minute of it, keep up the good work.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Truely an inspiration. I only just discovered your blog but it has made me smile and get through some stupid shit. Thanks.

    ReplyDelete