Monday, February 28, 2011

Blogiversary

It was on February 27, 2010, that I made my first entry in A Breeder’s Journal. Exactly one year and three hundred posts later, and here we are.

It’s been an interesting journey, as I’ve scrambled up the ranks from an audience of basically myself alone, to almost half a million unique visitors. The site now gets between five and six thousand different readers a day, more or less. The numbers humble me. They’re not record-breaking by any stretch of the imagination, but when I consider how very modest an audience I expected when I started writing, they’re pretty amazing.

Keeping a record of my daily life, even a record of my sex life, wasn’t a spur-of-the-moment decision for me, last February. I’ve been doing it for years. I first started keeping a journal when I was seventeen. Call it a thirty-year habit or call it discipline, but I’ve been scribbling down my thoughts on a more-or-less daily basis ever since. Over the decades it has been rare for me to go for more a couple of days without running to my notebooks to record my experiences and thoughts.

I’ve also posted in my blog about the obsessive, coded records about my sex partners I used to scribble in my teens. (Apparently there’s some kind of bookkeeping gene in my ancestry.) Sometime after I started keeping a diary, the two activities merged. I began to write, in very veiled language, about a few of my encounters. As I grew older and more confident in my abilities, both in and out of the bed, the accounts of my sexual exploits grew less mawkish and more accomplished. And I started to realize something. Not many people write about sex as it actually exists, out here in the wilds of the real world. In my journal I felt like an anthropologist charting a culture previously unrecorded, and it somehow struck me that such a record should be shared and given voice.

Culturally, we tend to find expressions of sex that are often so far removed from the reality that it’s remarkable we recognize it at all. On television and in the movies, sex is something that the beautiful leads get to do, under exquisite lighting, on expensive sets, accompanied by sexy saxophone music. We like our beautiful people to be deeply in love with each other. If they’re fucking, our pop culture likes them committed, or soon to marry, and unlikely to stray. It’s about as erotic as the sanitized for your protection strip on a hotel toilet seat.

Conversely, our society likes to punish those who enjoy sex. As a culture we brand celebrities who have extramarital affairs, or who enjoy the company of more than one partner, with the spurious label of ‘sex addict’—and do the same for men who hope to enjoy sex on a daily basis with a partner or spouse, or who masturbate to work off their normal, excess horniness. We slap the Scarlet Letter on those who transgress; we envision them justly riddled with both disease and regrets.

I don’t buy into either end of that cultural dichotomy. I’m not a sinner, nor a saint. Nor do I find my own experiences belong to the narratives of porn culture, where everyone is pretty and super-fit and in which people are reduced to a series of interlocking body parts. Sometimes my sex feels like that. But quite often with my partners—partners like Spencer, or Scruffy—there’s a genuine connection and emotionality one doesn’t find in outright porn. There’s a tenderness that one doesn’t find in a skin flick or a nifty archive story. And there’s a carnality based in the real world that one doesn’t find in a traditional romance.

Even when there’s no emotional connection between me and the partners I describe in here, there’s always something very real that I make as my focus. It might be a moment in which my partner opens up to me with a story or a moment of unexpected closeness. It might be something as simple as a gesture, or a sensation I want to remember. It might be a moment of awkwardness, of embarrassment, or even of insecurity and shame. It might simply be a funny story with a punchline, or a laugh shared during the sex act itself.

The sex I have is often good, and hot, and connected, and intimate. Sometimes it’s bad, or messy, or unpleasant. Sometimes the guys with whom I hook up are weird, or turn out to be assholes. Sometimes the sex is inappropriate but hot nonetheless. My point is that I really haven’t seen much writing about the kind of sex that I have on a very regular basis. Sex had by someone who was reflective, and self-aware, and honest—by someone whose agenda was not to promote himself as the ultimate sex god. Sex from the point of view of a simple, (sometimes) humble man who enjoyed his life and took advantage of its opportunities.

I already wrote from that perspective in my personal diary. Sharing those entries, and giving voice to that perspective to a wider audience, was my original goal. I simply didn’t expect it to become as popular a destination as it has become.

Beginning tomorrow, with your collective indulgence, I’ll be talking about some of the lessons I’ve learned over the last year: the good, the weird, and the ugly.

44 comments:

  1. you always make me feel warm and cuddly inside, and not cos you've been dumping loads in me all night, cos sadly u haven't. Happy Blogiversary

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  2. Looking forward to this next post, Mr Steed.

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  3. ONce again a great post...and BTW...yesterday when i was so pissed at that one question you received I forgot to wish u a speedy recovery from the cold you are enduring...

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  4. Rob -- another Happy Blogiversary greeting to you. Definitely looking forward to your sharing -- I think it's all your posts: personal, real and all you that makes your blog such a wonder, soooo enjoyable and a must read every day.

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  5. Mtlpussyboi,

    Aw, thanks. I wasn't even trying, this time. And thank you!

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  6. RedPhillip,

    So am I. However, I'm feeling lazy today. Write it for me?

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  7. Itz,

    I think I'm mostly over the cold. It's all just phlegm from here. Thanks man!

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  8. Congratulations on your blogiversary, Mr. Steed.

    I start each day reading or rereading your blog, as I know many others do as well, and I can say that through reading your stories and reading your comments I've happily become much more confident and at ease with my less than perfect body and my nothing to brag about experience. Your words and your stories and your affirmations made me enthusiastic about sex and love again, and for that I heartily thank you.

    P.S. These are words I've had to look up since I started reading your blog: Delft, pomelo, and mawkish. See? Even my vocabulary's gotten better after reading you.

    Have a great one,
    BZ

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  9. Sammy Bear,

    Thank you for that. I'm glad you've been enjoying your time here, and I've always been happy to have you as a commenter. You're the best.

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  10. BZ,

    Did I actually use the word 'Delft'? Oh, I guess I did, as a shade of blue. The problem is that when you write a crapload of words, you tend to forget the context in which you used them!

    You get all the credit for your own sexual reawakening, my friend. I am touched, though, to get a minor credit in its cast of extras. Thank you.

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  11. Rob, happy anniversary
    You have become such a fixture of my reading and commenting that it seemed much longer than a year. In fact, I started my own blog in mid March and a few weeks later Mark Mann of Edgy Husband did, and discovering you helped give me the guts and support I needed to chronicle my own different path. Your writing is superb as a craft, but the real man you are that comes through the writing is why I follow you. You are straightforward and clear even when it is messy or painful or unresolved. And it is as you say the small details about each unique man that you capture and convey so well, which make us feel you are connected to each one somehow differently, even if just for one session of sex.

    Your recent relationship with Spencer and your posts about Scruffy show us you have the capacity for profound and tender connections to other men - love even. I wish you well as a man in your finding fulfillment. Thank you for your persistence and unflinching honesty as you share your experiences with us. You are a gifted writer, and a rare man.

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  12. Jayson,

    You've always been one of my biggest supporters and cheerleaders, and for that I'm grateful. I know you think more highly of me than I do, myself!

    Yours is one of the first three blogs I started following on here, and your rigorous self-questioning and willingness to expose your doubts and insecurities has always been an inspiration. Thank you for that.

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  13. Happy Blogiversary! :OD

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  14. Congrats! I think I found you on here within the first few weeks...a cup of Earl Grey and your blog have become my morning routine. I celebrated this morning by re-reading a couple of the earliest posts...

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  15. I didn't discover your blog until May and quickly immersed myself to catch-up on March and April. It's been a wonderful journey of discovery and I look forward to your look back. I remember some of the "rough patches" (you called 'em) and have always been impressed by the graciousness you show Breeder's Readers and their (sometimes misguided) comments.

    Early on I complimented "your openness, your honesty, and—above all—your talent. You exhibit compassion, generosity, and integrity on a day-to-day basis here. You are an extraordinary man. Thank you for sharing all that you share with all of us. I am grateful to be your reader and honored to be your friend."

    That's more true today than it was back-when. Congratulations on your anniversary!

    Tony

    PS: Like BZ, you have increased my vocabulary too. I've learned "carnelian" and (my favorite) "lickspittle"! Thanks.

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  16. You play the game well.

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  17. Mr. GHJ,

    I should add that when I started blogging, you were one of the few bloggers I thought who were getting it right. Thanks for your inspiration.

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  18. FelchingPisser,

    I've already been warning people that you're guest-blogging later this week. I hope it gets you some.

    Thanks for being not only a reader, but a friend. And my valentine!

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  19. Lickspittle Throb,

    There have been some rough patches in the last year, and it's a shame that a very few bad apples can make me want to give up at times.

    But you know, the prospect of getting compliments like yours keep me coming back for more abuse. Thanks for being my buddy and supporter.

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  20. Congratulations, Sir. I am not in the habit of journalling, and your writings inspired me to start. Allow me to echo Jayson's sentiment - I could have sworn you have been blogging for years! You are far more prolific than a lot of bloggers who have been. I look forward to experiencing more of your life's chronicles, and I'm proud to call you a friend and a Brother.

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  21. Wholesome Pig,

    You honor me. Thank you so much.

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  22. Happy Blogiversary man, it's been already one year that you start your blog but i'm following you for about only 6 month or so. When i have the time, i'm going to start reading your first entry and read them all.
    I love how you write about your experience and the good times and even the bad times and i can't stop reading every one of them. I hope that you will continu writing for a long time because we need people like you in our life.
    Thanks for everything sexy man.

    Yves

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  23. Yves,

    I'm glad that you continue to visit, and give me your comments both here and in email. You're a great guy. Thanks.

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  24. I love reading your posts and your blog and I'd love meeting you. Would you consider having a coffee or a drink with me or should i just say, do you want to breed me?

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  25. Anonymous,

    Are you local to me? Hit me up via email. I'm glad you're enjoying your visits here.

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  26. You are a talented writer, and your blog is so discriptive that I can picture each scene as it takes place.

    Happy Blogiversary, and thankyou for sharing your story with us.

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  27. Congrats! Here is to another year of enjoyable reading. Thanks for sharing.

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  28. JFBreak,

    And thank you for your frequent comments. I appreciate them, my friend.

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  29. It's hard for me to believe that I've only been following you--stalking you, with affection--for less than a year. It's become such an 'almost-daily' or daily ritual for me to come to these pages, to enjoy the prose, and the emotions it engenders. I look forward to reading as long as your willing to write.

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  30. Richard,

    You've been my top stalker-slash-supporter! The dead animals on my front stoop were an especially festive touch around Thanksgiving. Thanks for being my friend.

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  31. Happy Assiversary!!!

    (there's a joke in here somewhere about orbiting Uranus...)

    I'm glad this blog has more deeply connected us this past year, & here's to hoping the next one brings us closer together!

    -M.B.

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  32. Congrats on this wonderful milestone! The fact that you have captured the attention of so many fans is a testament to your talented writing.

    I'm very thankful to have happened upon your blog and look forward (as I always do) to your future posts.

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  33. Happy Anniversary and thank you!

    Cheers

    Jamie

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  34. Congratulations on the big milestone! Your devotion to this blog is inspiring. It amazes me that you can take the time day after day to write such masterful entries. Here's hoping for another fab year!

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  35. M.B.,

    I've been very happy to get to know you on a more personal level, in part because of this blog. Definitely it's been one of the many up sides of keeping it.

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  36. Luv2suk,

    You've been a great supporter this past year. Thank you both for that and for your good wishes.

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  37. NaughtyNorth,

    It amazes me too, believe you me. You're one of my favorite bloggers/clip stars, so I'm really pleased to count you among my readers. Thank you, sir.

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  38. I never know what to say when I'm the 42nd person to respond...Can I suck your cock? always cums to mind ,but unfortunately (actually good for me since I hate cold weather) you live 2500 miles from me…lol. Anyway, Happy Blogiversary!

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  39. BlkJack,

    Only if I can suck yours. And believe me, I very badly want to.

    Thanks for the good wishes!

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  40. Okay, Margaret Mead of the sex world (world sex?), we need to get you into better hotels! I have not seen one of those strips across a toilet in, like, forever!
    All that aside, that you are approaching this topic from such a perspective is a breath of fresh air. Opening the window onto the actual, real life of sex between normal people; letting in the sunlight and air, that pioneering really does make you a Sex God. In my book. (Does any other book count?)
    I'm looking forward to more reading!
    JPinPDX

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