Friday, June 24, 2011

Flood Watch in Mianus

This sign marks the exit to my new home. For real, y'all.

I know. Putnam Cottage? Disgusting.

The Mianus is actually a river that cuts through the city to the west of me, with a little neighborhood named after it. It’s pronounced mayanus, with a nice schwa sound on the second syllable. But of course, I like to pronounce it in the most vulgar way possible, drawling out the syllables in an obnoxious fashion that gives my voice the same diamond cutting edge of the character Janice from Friends, years back. And when I’m out driving with family, I like to use it in sentences like:

“If you want to visit, you know you’re close when you can see Mianus!


“I’m glad they’ve built a really big on-ramp to Mianus!

Or, at night,

“It’s kind of hard to see around Mianus, it’s so dark and gloomy.”

Because it’s a river, there are magnificent opportunities for gems like,

“Man, Mianus is wet tonight.”


“I think there’s some kind of fungus blooming on Mianus. It really STINKS.

In the last couple of days, I’ve hit on another motherlode of potty humor. Whenever someone (not me) farts (never me), I’ll look around innocently, “Must be ducks from Mianus.”

Um, did I say that I looked around innocently? I must’ve meant someone else. Because I don’t fart.

(Note: I haven’t actually done this in front of any native people from the state. I have heard they tend to be touchy about it. The Mianus jokes, I mean. Not the farting.)

Oh, Connecticut. How you appeal to my inner third-grader.


  1. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Stop! I can't breathe. *snicker :)

  2. Rob man,
    You just make me laugh like crazy this morning with those great jokes. That's a good way to start the day cause it's raining outside and it's going to be like that till Sunday. I always knew that you had that great sense of humor. Thank you my friend.


  3. I'm glad I live in a town in CT with a nice proper English name lol

  4. By chance is their a street called Uranus in Mianus? Or would that be Your Anus in My

    I only ask since a street in my neighborhood is called Uranus which is how I thought to ask.

  5. Maybe you should start posting online that "I'll show you Mianus if you'll show me yours." :-)

    This was such a funny post that I abandoned my original plans to tease you about posting your freaking exit sign to attract more traffic your way. Which is probably best, because now that I look at it there isn't really a joke there.

    "The Aristocrats!" *wait for applause*

  6. Under normal circumstances, "potty humor" never makes me laugh - but these lines are flat out FUNNY!!!! You made me giggle and guffaw, and that's exactly what I need today. I'm tempted to come up with still more lines for you (like "have you noticed that something keeps flowing down Mianus" or "Mianus has a bend in it") - but I'll forego the temptation! Your lines are too good to compete with!

    Meanwhile, I have family living in Stamford. They just moved there a couple of weeks ago as well. I've learned that it's one of the two towns in the country with the highest-mean level of education among its inhabitants, and that it's heavily Democratic. Sounds like it could be a great place to live!


  7. I just hope you don't use up all the good Mianus jokes before I get there. I'm sure we can come up with some pretty good ones together.


  8. I use that exit about twice a week, and lived near it for a couple of years. We used to make very similar jokes...

  9. John,

    I am the only person of my acquaintance who howled with laughter during the entirety of "The Aristocrats." It was the first time I fell in love with Sarah Silverman, actually.

  10. Jonking,

    It's a pretty liberal town, I have to admit. I like that part. But the suburban mommies are driving me fucking nuts.

  11. 8:49 Anonymous,

    There is indeed a lot of traffic going in and out of Mianus.

  12. Your label on this story is apt: silly! Still my inner 3rd grader was laughing along with my outer adult!