Tuesday, June 21, 2011


One of the questions a reader asked me, my last month or so in Michigan, was how I expected to fare in Connecticut sexually once I made the move here. I’m afraid that at the time I read it as a bit of a snide question, too, since the guy asking it specifically said he wanted to compare my answer with the reality, down the road. (Though perhaps I was misreading.)

My reply at the time was that I honestly expected to have very little action in my first weeks in my new locale—that I was moving into an area where I knew no one, wasn’t familiar with the area, and didn’t know the local cruising customs (and oh yes, the local cruising customs vary, wherever you go). Whatever my status as ‘new meat’ might be when I got there, I said, I really didn’t anticipate getting laid much . . . at first.

My readers were very supportive at the time, I remember, telling me I’d have asses lined up to greet me, and a Busby Berkley musical number’s worth of legs opening in circle formation at my approach.

Well, bitches, and for the first time in my life I’m sorry to have to say these words: I was right.

I confess that I’m a little frustrated, right now. I haven’t had sex in three weeks. That’s an eternity for me. I kind of knew that the last week before I moved was going to be a bust, and quite frankly the week after my move I was too busy trying to clear out boxes and to find my collection of kitchen knives buried somewhere in the mess, because honestly, trying to cut up vegetables and chicken for a Thai red curry stir-fry with a plastic picnic knife is not an experience I ever, ever want to have again. Now that I’ve cleared out a little living space, though, and have found the kitchen utensils and settled into a little bit more of a routine, I’m ready to start playing around again.

And the world’s not cooperating.

Part of it, of course, is that I’m out of step here still. Everyone online knows where all these little cities and communities are, while my knowledge extends to what’s up and down Route 1 in either direction for about, oh, five miles. They know what dropping the name of an exit means, while I have just about figured how to get to Trader Joe’s and back without getting lost more than once or twice. And then there’s New York and its little communities, just over the border . . . I haven’t assimilated all the information yet. It makes me feel a little bit out of the running.

My first online encounter with a guy didn’t go so well, either. This is an actual transcription of the emails we exchanged:

HIM: Hey, you look hot. I am up the road in Oxford. You should come up here and fuck me deep man.

ME: Thanks for the compliment. I like your profile. I just moved here a week ago yesterday. Where is Oxford and when are you free?

I never got a reply back, until about four hours later, when he sent: TOO MUCH TALK AND NOT ENOUGH ACTION DUDE. YOU ARE BLOCKED!

Which left me thinking, Seriously? What the fuck? Because if I want to deal with crazy people, I could just answer the remarks left by the scat-obsessed commenter on my blog during those weeks he's off his schizophrenia meds.

The weirdness continued Sunday, when I had the entire afternoon to myself and ample time and opportunity to hook up. I got online, changed my status to ‘Available now,’ and was relieved when a guy who’d hit me up earlier in the week asked if I was looking. Yes, I told him. I was.

Could I host? he wanted to know.

Yes, I said, I could, for another three hours.

Okay, he said. That sounded great.

Did he want to come over, then? I asked him. Because, you know, he hadn’t actually said he would.
About a half hour after that he finally wrote back. I’d pretty much given up on him at this point, to be honest. Did I have poppers for him? he wanted to know.

No, I didn’t, I said. But my place was free for another two and a half hours.

I waited, and waited, and finally he wrote back after another half-hour. Did I know so-and-so? He gave me the name of another profile. He’d wanted to get with him forever and he was free that afternoon, too.

At that point I was frustrated from wasting an hour of my time on this guy, and wanted to pound out on the keyboard, WELL FINE GET WITH HIM THEN ASSHOLE AND STOP BOTHERING ME. But instead I typed out a much more polite version of the same message, logged off, and went about my business. Because every guy was pretty much the same, Sunday—I’d say I was available and could host, and then I’d get no response whatsoever, or else they’d stall and demand more X-rated photos, or ask for more G-rated photos, or ask about my pharmaceutical access, or do anything save ask for an address and say they’d be on their way.

This is what I’ve noticed about guys in the area: they stall. Instead of saying, “I’m not available right now. How about tonight or later this week?”, they’ll keep you on the hook, and dribble out communications bit by bit to make you think that there’s the slightest opportunity of getting together.

But in reality, what they’re giving me is the impression that they’re too frightened to take a couple of hours to meet someone face to face on the slight off-chance that they might miss out on a chance to meet someone better-looking than I, or better-hung, or someone just, well, better.

I’ve been in other cities where this kind of behavior is the norm. Los Angeles is kind of notorious for it—guys will sit for hours and hours looking for hookups that they’ll never have because they’re frightened to miss out on something hotter than you . . . no matter how smoking hot you may be. And maybe I’m close enough to New York City that a similar kind of behavior has spread out here to the nutmeg state.

Whatever it is, it’s frustrating.

Like I said, perhaps I’m just still out of step. I’ll figure things out, and make some connections, and get back my mojo.

In the meantime, though—and these are words I’ve again never before said—I hate being right.


  1. Rob -- I grew up there on the eastern part of the state, the Quiet Corner of CT, but you're in a metro section, middle of the state, with uptight, New England Yankee asshole inhibitions who only want to talk the talk. The university/college kids are only interested in mostly fucking their own tribe. Now if you could hook up with some Coast Guard squid-wanna-bes they would throw their legs up in the air faster than sea spit -- mermen cum. Give it time .... you will prevail.

  2. I don't know if this is off limits or not (please forgive if it is) and has nothing to do with sex, but something isn't calculating for me here. I thought you moved to CT to rejoin your family. There are a number of hints in this post that don't support that idea, including trying to cook with a plastic knife. Please explain if you wish.

  3. 8:47 Anonymous,

    Yeah, I figure it'll catch up with me sooner or later. I wish I could meet those Coast Guarders, though.

  4. Ojo,

    I did rejoin my family. I don't know how the fuck a plastic knife has anything to do with that. And if it doesn't calculate for you...not my issue.

  5. I hate to say it, but...Welcome to New England?! LOL


  6. Well, there are a few things that could be happening here. There is a good chance that you just moved to a bad area, or at least a bad area for online hookups. Also, sometimes being New Meat doesn't mean that everyone goes for you at once. It can sometimes mean that no one is really sure of you. And when you move anywhere, there is a good chance that you have to take a break and get the lay of the land. Hell, I didn't get laid much in the past few weeks and I had moved back home. I'm pretty sure it has been about 3 weeks for me too. I guess, just don't worry. You'll be back in no time.


  7. Ah yes the gay bar scene in Los Angeles. The guy that wouldn't give you the time of day at 10pm because he's still waiting form someone better to walk in, will be more interested in you at 1:55am five mintues before the bar closes and you're his last chance.....lol

    Maybe you should start posting today that next Saturday or Sunday afternoon you will be at some location at a certain time and anyone is welcome to drive by and see you are not a freak from a Stephen King novel. Maybe once they take a look they won't be so shy about getting together.

    Don't know the area you moved to, but if its a 'bedroom' community, you will be dealing with a lot of married men who can be skidish, but horny so it may take them longer to warm up to a 'stranger' in town.

  8. Ah, my dear friend... It is frustrating here. In some ways your patch down in the heart of the Gold Coast is a tougher nut to crack that other parts of CT. The Anonymous who assigned you to the middle of the state seems to have his geography muddled, since there are few parts of the state further south and west of your new digs.

    If I had a car I'd happily relieve your sex drought!

  9. I find that there is also a summer aspect of it. In Montreal its often the case its easy hooking up in the winter online but in the summer its notoriously difficult because everyone is making a million plans at the same time (and also waiting for a hotter summer body), however, in those flighty moments its easier to hook up in real life so to say cos everyone is in the moment. I'm sorry to hear that Rob but I hope the vibe changes. Heck, if it doesn't you all should make a get away to Montreal and well, while here make a mini afternoon get away.


  10. Ace,

    I'm not really that worried. A little sexually frustrated, maybe, but I am not going to turn it into more than it really is. This new place and I will come into sync, eventually.

  11. Cyberi4a,

    It's very much a bedroom community, so I suspect there's a lot of that going on.

  12. RedPhillip,

    Yeah, it's not really possible for me to get closer to the southwest edge of the state without actually tripping over into New York. So much of the area seems intent on keeping its upstanding image intact, which to me only means that the true nastiness is lying not very far beneath the surface.

  13. Mtlpussyboi,

    I really didn't factor in the summer season thing. I should've. Especially here, in a coastal area, when everyone is always going to the beach.

  14. It's summer. You're new. I'm confident that things will pick up for you. Somehow, things always manage to come together...eventually.

  15. Ms. I.,

    I'm confident, too. Horny, but confident. Thank you. :-)

  16. Since it's a bedroom community maybe the husbands will send the wife and kids to Martha's Vineyard or Nantucket for the summer while they stay behind to work and pay for it all, you'll 'meet' many new friends :-)

  17. Hi my friend,
    Nice reading about you again man. Wow, you are not lucky with men over there cause they might miss out on a chance to meet someone better-looking than you, or better-hung, or someone just, well, better. You are all that man and even more and they are the one who miss it all, they are the ones who lets a goog-looking man waiting and thay lost a good chance to have some great time with an amazing man. Hope that everything is going to get better, and i know it will my sexy friend. Maybe one week-end i will contact you man for some good time together, if you want to.


  18. What you need to do is find some nice Karaoke bar where you can make friends and influence people with the dulcet tones of your... talent.

  19. With regard to Ojo's question and you're smack down of it... I'm confused too. If you rejoined your family, that has been there for a while (as it would seem to have been the case) Why are you dealing with plastic silverware? Did you keep it all in Michigan? And why are you clearing out a nook if you moved to rejoin your family. And i guess, if you've rejoined the fam...why the sex drought?

    Seems like you get the questions often, maybe a post about the family dynamic might answer it?

  20. you're=your....sorry..typo

  21. 11:25 Anonymous,

    Let's put it this way. Ojo (or you, if you're Ojo) could've asked the question like, "Hey, what's this about you having to eat with plastic utensils? Sounds grim. What's that all about?" Or he could've asked it the way he did, which essentially was, "This doesn't add up. I'm thinking you're lying about something."

    One of those approaches would have gotten a response of, "Hey, didn't you read my posting a week ago Sunday about living in a complete new place out of boxes that we haven't unpacked yet?" The other is going to get an automatic response of "Fuck you." Maybe you could figure out which goes with which.

    The basic lesson is, if you want a polite response, come at me with respect. Otherwise, you'll get what you bring, especially if you're going to be implying I'm a liar.

  22. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  23. 11:25 Anonymous,

    I never asked you to memorize my posts. What I said is that there were several ways to ask the question. One of them was fucking obnoxious. The other would've gotten a response that might have been more explanatory, referring to a previous post he might have missed. Sorry if the subtlety goes over your head.

    My readers may be interested in my home arrangements, but I am not obligated to spell them out in their entirety. Similarly, I'm not required to give out my social security number, my credit card information, or a blueprint of my house and a list of my valuables merely because I'm asked.

    Someone who approaches me with demands, or who insults me, is not going to get the answers he wants. Nor is he going to get a forum in my blog to continue.

  24. I'll add my 2 cents even though this post is a couple days old. I lived in the suburban NY area for years - in Westchester - not far from you now. There is definitely a "maybe something better will come along" mentality in NY. I've been strung along by dozens (and dozens and dozens) of guys online when I lived there. It's so different where I live now.

    And honestly, I don't even think it matters how hot you are. They are all still waiting for the "the perfect trick," so they string anyone showing interest along until they play it out to far. That is, of course, my opinion, but I could be wrong.

    That said - I have had some INCREDIBLE sex in some of the bookstores and theaters in CT that are quite a drive, but SO worth it IMHO. Not to mention some outdoor spots in and around the city that I think are still active today. One of the last times I was bred (before this past year) was at a theater in New Haven. It was a spit roast with two frat-type boys. I took the shy one with the small dick first. Then the aggressive one with the giant cock used shy boy's cum as lube to give me a second helping of college cum. Dozens of guys stood around and whacked off. I got a lot of cum on me that day. Ah - romance.

  25. And I really hate it when I use the word "to" when I clearly meant to use the word "too." Stupid homophones.

  26. rob, want me to make a detour to CT on my way back to michigan from vacation? i need a good fuck from an expert

  27. Rob

    Things will turn around I am sure. The other thing you should know is that there are more gay couples north of NYC, so you might get more threesome action or sex with a partnered guy where they are open to play. Head west my friend, the Hudson beckons you.

  28. I remember when I moved to Georgia, I met a guy out at the beach and we started to head to my place in the dark... Needless to say, I got lost and we ended up driving around to find my place... embarassing I bought a GPS the next day


  29. It's hard to believe that your prediction came true, but I'm glad that at this time your mojo not only came back but is cosmic in its awesomeness. Go ahead, say it.... I'm right!