I know for a fact there are a lot of parents who read my blog—dads and some moms alike. In our culture, we tend to dislike the messy overlaps that happen when people don't fall into easily-defined, narrow classifications. That is, when someone who's an otherwise great parent also happens to have a healthy interest in sex, whether within his or her relationship, or outside of it, or with someone of the same gender.
But it happens, and more often than many people think or suppose. A lot of parents are perfectly happy to keep their sexuality behind closed doors and never to speak of it in front of their children, as they pretend to be chaste. That's fine. At the same time, being open about sexuality and all its weird wonderfulness is a valid parenting choice as well. My semi-hippie parents chose that route to follow, and it left me a lot better-educated and prepared for the real world than many of my peers. The choices I started to make about sex were mine to make, and not someone else's. It's equally as fine an approach to parenting as the other, when the decision is made with thought, deliberation, and philosophy.
So my message to you guys on this Father's Day is, I suppose, to respect your parents for the choices they've made in your upbringing, so long as they were made with good intentions. They really were doing the best for you. Love your folks, if you're able—and more importantly, if you've still got them around to love. And give your dad a phone call. He'll appreciate it.
Some question from formspring.me is our usual Sunday routine—and who am I to break routine? I could use some fresh questions from readers, so drop on by and scribble a couple.
What was on your 'before I move" bucket list?
I had a few places I wanted to visit, and a few people I wanted to see, but mostly (I'm ashamed to admit) my bucket list consisted of restaurants I wanted to patronize before I left the area for good.
Hey, what can I say? I like to eat.
Might I inquire as to the cost of purchasing 10ml of your semen by mail? I plan to test it for HIV. Your thoughts?
My thoughts are that your request to do such a thing seems intent on shaming me for some obscure reason that has more to do with your inadequacies than it has anything to do with me.
Furthermore, my thoughts are that to stigmatize or ostracize anyone based on their HIV status betrays not only your small-mindedness and intolerance, but a huge degree of ignorance as well. In my eyes, it makes you vile. And that's a pity.
To me the worst thing would be losing my hearing... my partner says going blind... what do you think is the most terrible sense to loose?
I think both hearing and sight would be terrible to lose, but I would probably adapt to them. I think not having any sense of touch, however, would be the worst. Not to be able to feel another person's touch, or to reciprocate, would be torture.
I want to try writing about my experiences, but when I read what I wrote, its flat and dull. How do I improve?
Write more. The more you write, the better you get. Write more, and read more. Read the authors you aspire to be, and study what makes them good storytellers. Apply what you learn to your own writing. Discard what doesn't work and keep what does. But mostly, write more. It's a long and slow process, but it truly works.
A couple more things, though. The goal of writing shouldn't necessarily be making every story exciting and a ripping read. It's great when it happens, but if you're doing personal writing, basically what you're trying to do is to preserve the moments and the experiences that are important to you. Do that with as much detail as you can, in as clear a style as you can manage, and don't worry about whether it's dull. It's you. That's what's important.
Also I'd suggest that you not trust your own instincts about your writing, to a certain extent. Just because you find it flat and dull doesn't mean it's not going to resonate with others. Share your work with people whose opinions you trust, and get reactions. Learn what you can, and apply it to your writing.
But mostly, write more.
What is your guilty pleasure?
I would like to reply with the answer of cheesy, cheesy pop music, but I'll narrow it down for you: the output of the British production team of Stock-Aitken-Waterman.
It's a very, very, very guilty pleasure.
Does having sex with a condom on feel much different than without one? How much sensation is lost when you wear one?
For a top, yes. The amount of sensation lost is enormous, even when wearing extra-thin condoms or condoms with ridges or nubs or what-have-you. Additionally, the sensations of wetness and warmth are considerably negated, as the latex transmits neither.
Bottoms have given me varying answers to the same question. Some seem to be able to tell the difference. Some do not. My own experience with being on the receiving end of a condomed fuck is that the latex pulls and distends the membrane in a really unpleasant way. Others don't notice that, though.
Perhaps some bottoms could chime in with their opinions.
Just wondering if you would rather have a small stable group of men to breed or are you a wild beast like a lion or bear and would rather roam your territory and breed as many men as possible and spread your seed around?
I have been happiest when I've achieved a combination of both those things. I like to have a small collection of men I see regularly and can count on for some mutual pleasure—it's convenient to have buddies who know what I like and how I like to do it. And I also like to have the novelty and excitement of new encounters.
If I have to be a wild animal, though, can I be a panther? Thanks.
What actor would you have play you in a film about your life and what actors would you like to see in supporing roles, maybe as some of the friends you have made over the years?
Aaron Eckhart would play me, of course, because we look so much alike. Then Dave Annable would play Scruffy, Jake Gyllenhaal would be Spencer, and in the flashback scenes, Daniel Craig would be Earl and Steve Buscemi would be his partner, Jim.
Oh, and the kid who plays Draco Malfoy in the Harry Potter movies would be my teen stand-in. There you go!
Why did you move to Michigan?
When I was choosing grad schools to attend, I found I could move either to Kentucky, to Tennessee, or to Michigan. I decided to choose the location with the biggest metropolitan area. Perhaps not so coincidentally, it also happened to be the place that was furthest from my parents' home, and offered the best financial aid package.
I dropped out of grad school a couple of years later, but I stayed in the area and continued teaching for several years.
Do you shave anywhere below the neck? How often? Front and/or back?
I shave my nuts fairly regularly, and trim my pubes. I also pluck the one weird hair on my chest that somehow regrows to a three-inch length in what seems like overnight. Coincidentally, it also happens to be the only hair on my chest.
Can you just sit in the sunshine, and enjoy a nice breeze, or do you always have to have a goal or task?
It's pretty tough for me to relax without doing something constructive. Even my most restful activities, like reading or gaming, have to do with either educating myself somehow or performing little tasks and chores in the name of fun. But simply to sit around and enjoy the sights or the weather can be very, very difficult.
I've managed to relax into it over the course of a few days on vacations in which I'm isolated from much of the world, like on an island or a cruise ship. But it takes a while (and I still feel guilty).
I just can't get enough of you. Whenever you post a pic, I find myself studying your hands or a glimpse of leg or abdomen. You're more than just a beautiful cock. Let's see more of that beautiful lanky body. -J
That's very flattering, J. Thank you. I've had more compliments about my hands, since I started my blog, than I've ever had my entire life.
It's a shame my nails are so fucked up, after my move.