Monday, October 10, 2011

Gay Sex in the '70s

Not too long ago, while trying to grump over their rate changes and the seemingly schizophrenic decisions of its CEO, I streamed a documentary from Netflix entitled Gay Sex in the '70s. Interesting title—but to be honest, it was one of those documentaries that any gay guy who’d actually had sex in the seventies could have written himself. Start with Stonewall, mix in ample tales about hedonistic fucking in dark places, sprinkle with references to Studio 54, then gently and sadly deflate with oral histories from tired-looking older gentlemen that all end with sentences like, But you know what? Five years later, everyone at that orgy was dead.

One of the things the film reminded me of, however, was how central and even vital cruising was during my teen years. Most of what I learned about cruising—that silent art form in which two men communicate their desire for each other through non-verbal cues—came from a book I found on the shelves of the uni library at the university where my parents both taught. Deep in the Library of Congress classification’s HQ section, it was, in a remote corner of the third floor. I would check out the subsection on homosexuality through the gaps from the next aisle, then make a selection and dash around the corner to grab it and escape to a study carrel before anyone could see me.

What I chose more often than any other title was a yellow hardback volume. It was the Bible of my horny teen years. I can’t recall the name or author, and trust me, for years I’ve Googled around to find it without success. But simply put, it was a step-by-step guide for the modern gay guy of the nineteen-seventies to cruise for sex.

It told one exactly how to recognize a fellow cruiser by eye contact alone, and made suggestions for pausing in the street to gaze at a garden or a window display, in order to ascertain if the other guy looked over his shoulder for another peek. It detailed the ritual of courtship that took place in cruisy public restrooms. I already knew much of that from exploration, but the rest I soaked up, learning in an academic and theoretical sense exactly what went on in such exotic spots never glimpsed in small-town Richmond, like a gay bathhouse, or an adult bookstore.

All that information helped me. It really did. It taught me the significance of a man locking eyes with me for a few fractions of a second longer than normal, and of especially what it probably meant when his glances became a pattern that meant more than Hey, that guy has a smudge on his face. I learned to pick up on subtle cues that only a minority of us recognize—a man’s lingering glance that trailed from my eyes down to my crotch back in those days communicated attraction more compellingly than any instant message online now. Throw in the slightest tilt of the head to the side, so that the man was looking at a slight angle behind me, and I knew it was my ass he was after. If his hand oh-so-casually dropped to his belt and hung there, his fingertips touching the bulge in his pants, I knew he wanted to draw attention there; if he attempted the riskier brush against his cock with the palm of his hand, or the seemingly-routine package adjustment, I could guess that we would be finding somewhere quiet to fuck within moments.

Simply by observation, I became so attuned to certain behaviors that I could tell from across a crowded room when a man was checking me out. I knew (probably better than they did) which teachers at school wanted me, which of my parents’ colleagues were gay, and even who was checking me out from their cars. And in a broader sense, I became intensely aware of who was looking at whom, straight or gay. What boys the girls wanted, because of their stares. What faces men liked to rest their eyes upon, when they thought they were unobserved and could take in the sight of something pretty. By close observation of who they glanced at, for how long, and how many times, I could tell who any one of my parents’ students might be into, or what secret longings for others the adults around me had.

That yellow book, and the cruising it inspired, were a crash course in human behavior. It made me a people-watcher, and someone who made inspired and informed guesses at the motivations percolating behind guarded gestures and furtive glances. By teaching me to observe, that education made me an artist.

Within about three years after it hit the shelves, that book had become battered, its spine broken and illegible from the hundreds of people like me who read it over and over again. By the time I went to college in 1981, it, like so many of the people in the Netflix documentary, had become another casualty of the seventies. Or as the card catalogue said, volume missing.

I wish I remembered its title.

31 comments:

  1. Sad that you can't find that book no more. As it's missing in action I would suggest that you try and write the very same book so u can share all them tips that you did learn from it... but I guess you already doing that with this blog! :)

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  2. Easy enough - that was "GETTING SEX" by John Allan Lee. That book, plus "TEAROOM TRADE" by Laud Humphreys were my references in the late 70's. Later on, when I craved long-term relationships, I dove deep into "THE MALE COUPLE" by Drew Mattison and David Macwhirter.
    I knew ALL of the authors on a personal level, even though I was quite young. Laud and I were very close friends, and he loved to tell me dirty stories from the night before. He was an incredibly articulate spokesman for the community when interviewed about issues such as Anita Bryant, and we need a whole army of men like him again.
    All of these books can be found used on amazon.com, eBay and elsewhere by asking Mister Google.

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  3. Naively I always assumed communication between men is straightforward and efficient (not as complicated and ritualised like the courtship between male and female where both have to pretend to be interested in each other's personalities and hobbies and such.)

    Not to say what you are describing isn't–just I never thought it would have been necessary to write or read a book about it. Fascinating.

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  4. Ah, for me there was "Boys Like Us," the first "Joys of Gay Sex," and a book with a title I can't remember about a stripper who went around doing strip shows while advocating safe sex (wish I could find it, it was hot). I would read those in the library and then find myself in the bathroom of that same library sucking off older guys and getting fucked. I think cruising is still very important to the scene, but less so because we can be open in a lot of places now. Cruising was a big part of my teen years, but most of the areas I used to cruise seem to have died and no one knows why. Sad face.

    -Ace

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  5. I haven't thought (thankfully) of Anita Bryant in ages and not I see her name here and from watching a 2 hour TV show on the 1970's. What a piece of shit she was.

    The freedom the 70's gave was so new to so many people straight and gay. It was like for the first time in history people could acknowledge that humans had naked bodies and liked sex.

    And like people said in that TV show, there was nothing like the 70's.

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  6. I remember the first erotic book I ever saw was entitled "Teacher's Sex Lesson" and although it was hetero-sex, it definitely opened my eyes up to the world of BDSM and still fuels a hell of a lot of my fantasies!

    Papa Tony, thanks for the names of those books. Cruising is something I really, really struggle with and hopefully they will help!

    Erie Bear

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  7. Well fuck. NOW you tell me. When I had those curious feelings as a teenager, the only thing I found to read was "Everything you wanted to know about sex" which fueled my circle jerk fantasies, but certainly did not condone any other man-man (or boy-boy as the case might be) encounters.

    Sometimes I wondered if a glance or look I got meant something. I dismissed it as crazy. Other times I wonder if I got caught checking out classmate's 501 jeans. I'm sure anyone like you, who studied how people look at each other, could have figured out where I would end up. I wished I had figured it out earlier too. Oh well, better late than never eh?

    As usual. I love your junk.

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  8. Rob my friend,
    Love that post a lot and i enjoy how you describe all the different things about cruising. I never saw it like that, i know people are looking at me but now i will know what those looks mean. I will also check myself at how i will look at you if we ever met one day. Thank you for everything man.

    Yves

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  9. @Jack: Later trumps never, hands down. Sometimes the sweetest fruit has to stay on the tree for a very long time, but when it's finally picked is wonderful.

    @Countesszero: As I am sure life has demonstrated, men can been remarkably obtuse and uncommunicative, even when dealing with powerful physical needs that he hopes will and presumes might be reciprocated. Sometimes ya gotta hit 'em over the head - in this case with a book about cruising and tricking. I surprise myself with my own denseness constantly.

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  10. I've always found the art form of cruising to be an enigma... the shyness of my youth was a hurdle I'm not sure I've ever gotten over. I try...

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  11. "If you remember the Sixties, you weren't there." If you remember the Seventies, you were. Life before deadly STD, a workplace too competitively ugly for words, and the Reagan heritage was a beautiful thing. In the Seventies, carpe diem made perfect sense. What was too good to be true truly was.

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  12. Dan,

    That's basically what this blog is, isn't it? :-)

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  13. Papa Tony,

    You are awesome. Thank you. I should've known all I had to do was crowd-source my vaguenesses and I'd get some kind of answer from my much-cleverer readers.

    I am pretty sure that 'Getting Sex' is indeed the book. I remember 'Tearoom Trade,' but correct me if I'm wrong--wasn't it more of a scientific study than a how-to manual? I remember a volume like that with remarkably little salaciousness and a whole lot of statistics.

    The other volume I regularly snitched off the shelves and used as porn and inspiration was John Rechy's 'The Sexual Outlaw.' I have my own copy of that one, today.

    Again, thanks. You're a peach.

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  14. Countess,

    It's like RedPhillip said: men can be obtuse. Whether their partners are other men or women, a lot of them just don't get it.

    Even if one were to go through my own stories here and chart the number of times that the communication went off the rails (even on my own side), you'd still get a pretty high percentage.

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  15. Ace,

    Your generation is spoilt. There's porn and instructions on how to get sex everywhere. There, I've said it!

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  16. Cyberi4a,

    That era was really the first time that a whole generation had grown up hearing from a significant portion of society that sex was fun, instead of sinful and forbidden. We still have the two extremes in conflict to this day, yes, but the nineteen-seventies was when the dialogue began in popular culture, in earnest.

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  17. Erie,

    You might find those books awfully dated by now--but then again, a lot of the hints they gave about eye contact and learning to overcome the impulse to run, or turn the head, or to keep walking, might still hold true. I'll have to grab hold of a copy myself and see if my memories hold up.

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  18. Explorer Jack,

    Better late than never, indeed. Hell, take pleasure in what you do, no matter when you come to it. That's the way to wring all the joys out of life.

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  19. Yves,

    I'm sure guys look at you all the time, sexy man!

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  20. Richard,

    As someone who can be morbidly shy myself (stop laughing), I can only say that pushing oneself out and into the world is not only easier than it looks, but results in a lot of good. Keep trying, at least!

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  21. 12:35 Anonymous,

    I agree. Wholeheartedly. And can't find anything to add that won't muddy your sentiment except to thank you.

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  22. Mr Steed: Tearoom Trade was an academic book, with very little to help a piglett out.

    "You might find those books awfully dated by now--but then again, a lot of the hints they gave about eye contact and learning to overcome the impulse to run, or turn the head, or to keep walking, might still hold true."

    I am sure they do. For all that our younger friends are spoilt, what with their easy access to porn and information and everything, the mediation of so much social life online has meant that a lot of people have very little experience or skill when it comes to actually meeting people.

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  23. RedPhillip,

    Your last observation, sir, is very true. It's not just young people, either. There's an entire population out there that prefers to bask in the glow of porn rather than get out and have sex.

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  24. We didn't get instructions! NO BODY talked about gay sex or cursing in my Sex Ed classes. I had no book, I had to troll around on the internet to learn the ropes. You'd be surprised how hard that is when you have no idea what to look for. When I learned about glory holes it was like my head had exploded. After that my search for cursing spots became a nagging past time.

    I remember sneaking into the gay section of bookstores in my early teens and looking at the books there. I don't remember many books on Cruising. Books on Homo Erotic Art were in abundance however; I remember having to quickly re shelf many Tom of Finland books before anyone I knew could spot me.

    I think cruising is a lost art in some ways because sex is no longer viewed as some you can be free with anymore.

    As for porn I'm not gonna lie, I like me some porn. lol

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  25. Rob,
    You know that i don't find myself very sexy but if you say that i am then, i will take your words for granted my sexy friend. Thank you.

    Yves

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  26. @Blackwatch: Cruising may be a declining skill because of inhibitions, but I think it is also in decline because internet-based resources make it relatively easy to meet someone you think might be fun. Or at least makes people feel like it's easy. For those who have made an inner accommodation with their personal situation and with their relative risks, spontaneous connections are far more comfortable, much more free, and thus I expect more frequent.

    And buddy, I likes me my porn too! We should have a weekend film festival and invite all our friends! Lucky our favorites don't require close attention to things like plot or dialogue, since a weekend-long party with our posses would be pretty distracting...

    @Yves: Trust Mr Steed. He sees deep, that one does. He also knows that the sexiest parts of a man are often inside, in that all mushy heart/mind/soul stuff that I hate talking about.

    Rob, I think we need to organize a Breeder's Readers Brigade to invest Montreal (it is Montreal, oui, Yves?) and provide him the concrete demonstration of his sexiness.

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  27. Sir,
    I am a new reader, but a very devoted one now. You are an amazing writer and I really enjoy all the subtle nuance in your work. I have read too many of late to comment on all, but especially enjoy the turns your adventures take and the amazing perspective you are able to maintain (ie "Timmy"). Look forward to continuing to enjoy. (and, of course, your photos are a joy!!) My very frst "adult book" I ever read was a little tome called "My Brother, My Lover". Totally fascinated me and instilled me with a lifelong passion for brothers. Always wished I had a brother to experiment with. My next was about a taboo and a father/daughter, mother/son tango. What, I think, was most fascinating was that 1. I read these when I was in middle school and 2. I think I found them in my house --which means my Dad had been reading "MB, ML"........ interesting. But, thanks for all. Will continue to enjoy. Only wish you found yourself Houston way on occasion!!!

    Thanks. Jay

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  28. Blackwatch,

    I already had a few years of experience under my belt when I found that book, admittedly. I'd figured out the restroom thing on my own, and had already discovered parks. The book did make me a sharper observer, and kind of verified in an 'official' way (things look more official when they make the pages of a book, anyway) what I'd been learning. Plus I got a few new tips.

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  29. Jay,

    Thank you for the very nice words. I really appreciate those.

    That is interesting that your dad had that book around the house. Did you ever ask him about it, as an adult?

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  30. I didn't. But there were incidents that clarified. Dad could get handsy. Too much wine and the curiosity came out. But, I never connected it to the book. Actually hadn't thought aout in years before reading your post.

    Jay

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  31. GOD! where the fuck can i find a torrent for this movie! ive been searching for months, please help!!!!!!

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