Sunday, August 29, 2010

Sunday Morning Questions: Skinny Papi Edition

There must've been something in the water in my future home state, when I was visiting there this week, to make me attractive to the local men. The local Latin men, specifically.

Every time I'd go online, I'd have Latin boys and men sending me outrageously flattering emails that forced me to wonder if there was a collective myopia among them. Or perhaps they were all super-horny at the same time. It's been known to happen. I consoled myself with the notion that for a couple of days at least, I was simply the new meat in town.

Then I was walking along a city street on the one day I had to myself, minding my business and checking out the various restaurants and shops, when I stopped at a corner to wait for the crossing signal. From across the street I heard a gruff and heavily accented voice call out, "Hey! Skinny papi!" Naturally I looked. A handsome Latin man sat on a park bench. Although the day was cloudy and cool, he wore a tank top that showed off enormous, ropy biceps covered in ink. A pencil-thin mustache perched at the lowermost slope of his lip. When he saw me looking, he nodded and smirked. "Yeah, you, skinny papi! You look like you need to eat something!" I raised my eyebrows, but let me face remain blank. "I'll feed you," he said. Then, in case he'd been too subtle, to make sure I got his meaning he grabbed the meaty bulge hanging down the left leg of his checkered pants. "I got something for you to eat, all right."

Well, who could resist a charming come-on like that? I cracked a grin at his audacity, which in turn made him let loose with the most crooked and cocky smile I've seen in a long time. I certainly wasn't going to take him up on his offer right then and there, and the light changed. "Peace, baby!" he called out as I stepped into the street and walked away. Then he pursed his lips a little and gave me a wink.

All I can say is that if he's typical of the men there, I'm ready to pack the rest of my stuff.

I have to thank you guys for the questions you submitted to this week while I was away. I needed more questions to consider, and Breeder's Readers responded with over two dozen truly thought-provoking queries, dirty and clean. I'll be collating some past answers here this week—and of course, if you have any questions of your own, feel free to ask them either at that website (which allows you to ask questions anonymously), or by following the email link in the sidebar.

Have you ever had sex in a private airplane? in a commercial airliner?
Nope, not at all.

there is a fellow on xtube with a profile pic very similar to you on u on xtube?
You'd have to tell me who he is so I could check him out. Sadly, I am not psychic. My profile on Xtube is under mrsteed64.

any advice for a kinky young man who has just started exploring his homosexuality?
Absolutely. The number one thing would be to enjoy yourself. Your dick is made for pleasure. Use it.

Number two: don't let fear hold you back from experiencing life--including and especially your sexual life. Plunge in and try the things that give you pause.

Finally: take care of yourself. You only get one go-round.

Hey. Just happened on to this site over the weekend. Glad I found it. 51 yo married gay man...with less experience than I want with a man. You've given me the courage to go for it! completely I understand if you can't answer this question, but wo
I didn't get the question part. But knowing me, probably yes, I would. You should too.

Do I assume correctly that your Ph.D. work was somehow apropos English linguistics or writing or theater or~more generally~humanities?
My grad studies were in literature.

Have you ever had sex with a cousin of yours?
No, the few cousins I have are a generation younger than myself. I've barely met them, to be honest.

Which hand do you use when you masturbate?
I use them both. I'm ambidextrous when I masturbate. However, my right hand has a tendency to do most of the shaft and head work, while my left hand works on my balls and squeezes the base. I like a lot of sensation.

i'm guy from do you manage to get so much action with a family? could use your advice
I have more flexibility with my schedule, thanks to my career in the arts. I don't have a normal 9-to-5 office job; I arrange my days as I see fit in order to have home time, work time, and play time.

Even when I had a typical office job, however, I was usually scheduling sex on my lunch breaks, or during office hours. The shit I got away with....

What would you prefer in a sex partner - enthusiastic but a little clumsy or technically skilled but low energy/less engaged?
I'll take the former, every time. Low energy and less engaged will make my boner wilt. It's easier to dampen high energy and train someone to be more skilled than it is to get a low-energy person to pretend to enjoy himself.

So you obviously pride yourself on being an amazing top. Can you give us newbies some "nuts-and-bolts"-level tips on what makes a good top? Specifically what kidns of things do you do that makes you so good? Do's and Dont's?
You've got an interesting question because it's made me think long and hard (no pun intended) about exactly what makes a good top. Some of the conclusions I've reached include:

1) A good top is often the leader of an encounter. That means taking the initiative and setting the expectations. It may involve some bossing-around or direction of the bottom guy. Your chances are pretty good that he'll like that. If you're not an assertive type, you might want to exercise your authority while in the bedroom, because it really doesn't take much to become a leader when two guys are hard and ready for sex. The slightest of prompts will often do.

2) A good top is sensitive to the bottom's needs. I know there are a lot of tops out there who make a career out of being dicks who only care about their own orgasms. Yes, I know. And sometimes there are bottoms who just want to be used. That in itself, though, is a bottom's need, and if it's what the bottom wants, the top should be attuned enough to recognize it and deliver a hard, impersonal pounding. Likewise, if a bottom wants to be romanced and made love to, a good top will respond to that.

I do, anyway. But often I think I lose too much of my own desires when I'm with another guy and conform myself to be the yang to his yin, in order to make the perfect circle.

3) A good top delivers what he promises. If you're a five-minute man, don't talk a big game and fall short on the actual delivery. Word will get around, trust me. Either advertise up front that you're in an-and-out slamfuck looking for a quick cumdump (because there are plenty of bottoms who'll accommodate you), or fill out the encounter with a lot of foreplaly that'll keep the bottom happy until you mount and shoot quickly.

My general do's and don'ts would include: don't be an asshole, be polite, say 'thank you' afterward, and even get to know your sexual partners. Sometimes all they want is someone to be kind to them, to desire them, and to stick around for a couple of minutes after to have a real human conversation.

How do you like being well-endowed? In my experience, some hung guys love being told how big they are and the attention it brings, others find it a turnoff.
I am proud of my equipment, and love being generously hung. My dick gets me attention wherever I go, and it photographs well. What's not to like about that?

Sometimes I will admit I can tend to be treated like a dildo attached to a human body. If I'm not in the mood, that can be irritating. But I'd rather be endowed as I am than not at all, anyway.

Have you ever trysted with your nextdoor neighbor?
Never. I've never had a next-door neighbor worth fucking though. And my backdoor neighbor, on whom I had a crush, moved.

You're buying a new suit; you're trying it on; the tailor is measuring the pants' length; the tailor unzips your pants & begins to try to pleasure your penis. Has it happened to you?
I cannot say it has. When I was growing up there was a clerk in the boy's department of Sears who would bump against me suspiciously when he'd take my inseam, but it never led anywhere.

Where are you getting hit on by college-aged guys?
Where? On my blog. On yahoo. On Twitter. On online sex sites. In bars. In campus cruising spots. And on college campuses.


  1. For what makes s good top, I'll agree with your first answer. There's nothing worse than a timid (unless maybe he's 18), namby pamby top.

    I tend to be a bit reserved with people I don't know...stop laughing. So when I take the top role, I have to break out of "myself" and so I tend to get rather aggressive. Maybe that's who my real self is. Who knows. But then again I like it rough both ways.

    With tops who are too gentle, I want to scream, "I'm not a china me the bull." This leads to your second answer. Both should be in tune with each other...even if it's not verbal. I think the first best way for a good top to be in tune with what a butt wants it to have been a good bottom at one point.


  2. PS...about the Latin men, they usually know how to talk the talk...which isn't to say that they don't know how to walk the walk.

    There's this chick around here (from northern NJ) who always calls me papi as she leans in REAL close and smells all good. She's a lesbian too. What's up with that? Maybe she's Seph-curious.


  3. Although they're not the kind one would typically learn in a classroom, I'd be happy to teach you a few phrases in Spanish that might help you get your point across. (pun DEFINITELY intended)

  4. You were there. I was not. So, I trust that you considered and rejected the possibility that Our Don of the Park Bench was a rent boy. (Contrary to popular belief, rent boys, too, can be selective.) And surely this would not explain why so many Latinos online were champing at the bit for you. They can't ALL have been for hire. (BTW: Don Dirty Instamatic Monday looked at least Mediterranean, to me. And yes, he was cute to the second power.)

    Maybe it was not just the water, but the subculture, too. While hospitalized not so long ago, I was blatantly approached by a fellow patient -- who first spoke to me in Spanish. I am still amazed and a little perplexed. Are Latinos less likely to play the catty "Push me, pull me!" games that so many gays use for ego-strokes? If so, I applaud!

    Anonicus II

  5. Would that I had written, ". . . Don Dirty Instamatic MOONday . . . ".

    Anonicus Too

  6. Seph,

    Can you blame her for being Seph-curious? I am.

    I don't think it's necessary for a top guy to adopt a false personality in order to take charge of a sexual encounter. A mild-mannered guy who tries to be his favorite smack-talking top from his favorite porn film is going to seem forced and mannered to the bottom, and it's not going to feel natural in any way.

    I do think that even a naturally quiet man can turn his strengths into an advantage, and be a naturally quiet top who uses cues other than porn-talk to tell the bottom what to do. For any one, I advise being the best possible version of yourself that you can be, rather than trying to be someone else and feeling awkward the entire time.

  7. Doc_Rob,

    Unzipping usually gets my point across. I'd be worried I'd be asking them to take off their dishwasher, or something.

  8. Anonicus,

    I understand why you asked the question. It's possible, but I didn't get the rent boy vibe from him. (Or rent man, more accurately.) It seemed more of a playful and flirty vibe, in an aggressive kind of way, than someone determined to get some business.

    I don't really get hit on by a lot of rent boys, to tell you the truth. The ones who occasionally do are far from subtle about it.

  9. what i don't get is the brazen-like come on, if I understood your story correctly. I mean, unless you're in a very gay part of the city, I would think it's high risk to come on to some dude, in a public setting, and you don't know if he's gay or not.

    is it a gaydar thing and it's that reliable? does this happen to you often in public places?

    -scott nyc

  10. Scott,

    I don't know that city to know where the gay districts were, but I doubt I was in one.

    I thought the come-on was very brazen. Like, probably the most brazen verbal come-on I've had in my life. (There have been body language come-ons that have outdone that one.) But if I'd been hostile, it could've been easily played off as the kind of thing as Latin-Thug-Gaybaits-White-Boy-In-Stereotypical-Way. When I just grinned, he kind of allowed it to stay flirty.

    I have guys make passes at me in public places pretty frequently. It's enough to make me sometimes want to ask my friends, "Am I that obvious?!", but I don't, because I know they'd all chorus "Yes" without giving the matter any thought.

  11. Breeder,

    I'm not talking about canned porn-speak...I simply cannot watch such porn without laughing, getting bored, and then ultimately soft. And unless it's spontaneous and genuine in real sex (which it can be) it's also a huge turn off. No scripts please. I'm not terribly verbal during sex...vocal yes...but not verbal with the exception of the occasional (and genuine) Anglo-Saxon expletive.

    I guess I meant something more like channeling the beast within...he's there...and it's not awkward at all. It's just not who I am in my "day job". Also, I'm more sexually compatible with those who want to "knock boots" rather than "make love". I suppose I wouldn't make the best top for those who want the latter.

    As to your reply to Scott, aren't friends just great.


  12. Your advice about being a good top is spot on. But the inability of many bottoms to appreciate the concepts you put in points 2 and 3 is occasionally aggravating. Lord, the way some of the bottoms write to me makes me feel as if I'm a pizza delivery man.

  13. Rawhide,

    I am with you on that one. Most of the bottoms I see more than once give back as much as they take, but the ones I don't see again, or won't see at all in the first place? Selfish fucks to the core who leave me feeling as if I might as well be a dildo attached to a living body. And it's a damned shame.

  14. "But knowing me, probably yes, I would. You should too."

    Best advice ever.