Sunday, May 1, 2011

Sunday Morning Questions: All Are Welcome Here Edition

I get a lot of email in the course of a week. A whole lot of email. And while I generally get around to it, sooner or later (I swear! There was actually the space of three whole days at the beginning of April when my pending-reply box was blissfully empty), sometimes it takes a little time.

I prioritize, you see. The urgent stuff and the notes that only require a quick reply get my attention almost immediately. The mails that are more personal and need longer replies tend to languish a few days. Or weeks. I apologize for it, but I like to give the emails the attention they deserve. Eventually. Since I love the email, I'm not complaining or suggesting that I'd like to get less of it. Just know that if I don't reply immediately, it's not because I tossed your missive in my virtual trashcan.

I've noticed in the last couple of weeks an email trend. I've gotten several notes from readers asking if I mind female fans. I'm surprised, a little—not that I have female fans. I've got a distinct population of those. Some of them comment regularly, even. I know that for a while I had several women readers who were themselves writers of slash fiction. And if I have to explain what slash fiction is to you people . . . well, I'm not gonna.

There's no NO GURLS ALLOWED sign on my clubhouse door. A small minority of my readers might balk at the notion that this is anything other than a boys-only enclave. Don't worry. My female fans have been pretty innocuous, and just as polite as most of my readers. You've probably not even noticed them. If you happen to be one of my female readers, I welcome you.

We could all stand to learn a little more about each other, in the end.

Do you feel like you have to, or maybe do automatically, censor your behavior and what you say around women in gay bars? Even if they're not watching you?

I cannot say I do. I don't think of women as alien creatures unacquainted with male sexuality. They know better than men what pigs we are, sometimes.

Besides, if they're in a gay bar, they're guests there. You might not want to take them in the back room with you, but you shouldn't have to censor your natural affections when they're around.

You had a great date with a guy. Is it to soon/needy to call him the next day or should you wait a day or two?

Unless he asks you to call the next day, I think waiting another day or two seems less anxious.

Of course, if he's asking you to call the next day, he might seem like the controlling and/or needy one.

Are your little sperms flowing the bounty mane or are they being stopped due to some previous surgery?

If you're asking whether I've had a vasectomy, the answer would be that I have not.

What street do you live on?

This question is nice and stalkery! Was that you shining the flashlight in my window last night?

can you say that you are living your life to its full capacity?

Who among us is? What I am doing, however, is trying to live as richly as possible, accepting experiences as they arrive, and trying to be open-minded to the possibilities. As long as I'm doing that and not running away from opportunities in fear, I think I'm doing all right.

If I asked you to think of five dicks you've had in you, what five dicks (and guys attached to them) would you think of?

1. I'd think of the first I took.
2. Earl and his meat would come immediately to mind.
3. I'd think of the Latin guy who picked me up in a mall bookstore and fucked me in his apartment.
4. I'd remember fondly the dick of a man with whom I was in love a decade ago, whose top virginity I took before he took a religious vow.
5. I'd probably lastly think about the Australian who was my last top, way too many years ago.

which one of the seven dwarfs from Snow White would you be??

Sleazy. That's one of them, isn't it?

How many pairs of shoes do you own?

Apparently I own 17 pairs of shoes. I had more, but when I learned I was moving, I gave a dozen pairs to charity that I rarely wore.

The oldest shoes I have are a pair of tan suede bucks that I got during college. They're still in excellent condition.

Have you ever slept with somone 10 years or more older than you? Over 10 years younger? (Some questions from the web now)

Yes, to both questions. And quite often. I've never really been ageist, even (or especially) when I was very young.

Lots of ppl work from home for their boss, seems sensible considering traffic jams and all. Do you think they all work the hours they claim they do? Do you trust that?

I'm not convinced they work all the hours they claim they do in the workplace. There used to be an awful lot of Freecell going on in the places I used to work.

If the work's getting done with sufficient quality, in sufficient numbers, and on time, why quibble?

If your friends were in a monogamous relationship, you are friends with both, and you find out one of them is cheating.. would you tell the other?

No. Never. The other partner probably won't think you've done them a service, either, and very likely it could damage your friendship with both parties.

But primarily, their sexual life is not your business, and it's not your call to make judgements on someone else's relationship.


  1. I'm not surprised you have female readers. I have lady friends in my day to day life who like to hear who I've had sex with and what I did with him. :) Women can be just as piggy about guy/guy sex as we men can be about girl/girl sex.


  2. I wonder if "Ace" (above) is really Bobby D. ?


  3. Another great round of questions Rob. Did someone actually ask you what street you live on? Priceless. lol!

    I am one of your female readers and have commented a few times in the past. I have even asked how you feel about it. I suppose it's because there are great deal of blogs out there which discuss similar topics that specify men only. Some are even locked so that one cannot follow without an invitation.

    I have at least twenty online female friends (that I know of) that follow your blog and similar blogs. We follow anonymously. This is simply for fear of being 'blocked'.

    I don't know why Gay men (or Bi) have such great dificulty in understanding why women find the idea of two men together arousing. There is an incredible amount of M/M erotica available today and I can tell you a large percentage of the readership are women. You, my friend are one of the greatest writers I have had the pleasure of reading.

    Your writing is beautiful and eloquent, your posts are thoughtful and thought provoking and I can assure you I get as turned on by your entries as any of your male readers.

    I feel privileged to be allowed to share in the story of your life.

    And yes Ace, I can confirm. Women are just as piggy about guy/guy sex ;)


  4. Ace,

    I've certainly known a few who've been piggy that way. Bless 'em.

  5. J.,

    I don't know what Bobby D. you might mean. But I know who Ace is.

  6. T.,

    Thanks for speaking up. You might have been among the first of my female fans to write in (and I'm glad you did), but you certainly won't the last. And jeez, with compliments like yours, why would anyone want to turn you away?

    Making broad classes of people unwelcome is no way to build or sustain a readership, and it seemed as if I was getting enough inquiries that a blanket statement might do some good.

    I seem to recall that the question about what street I lived on came from a Twitter friend, after I rebuked him that he hadn't asked any stalker-y questions of late. A joke, in other words. :)

  7. @j: Who is Bobby D.? Reasonably sure I'm not him. LOL

    @T: I don't get gay men who find women liking m/m sex to be wrong either. As a man who just loves sex in all forms, it never ceases to amaze me what some find gross. And I've been in multiple mfm threeways where the other guy and I had sex for the woman to watch. :) And I'm glad some women are willing to admit to their piggy side.


  8. T, what I can't understand is why straight men find woman on woman sex so arousing! Do I need to add that I'm mostly gay?

  9. @ The Breeder - You're most welcome. It was easy to speak up because you are always so gracious, and thanks for clarifying ;)

    @ Ace - MFM threeways? A man after my own heart lol.

    @ Jason_M - Why do any of us find anything arousing? It is difficult to explain why something turns us on. Personally I find all pairings erotic but that's just me. Oh, and I'm intrigued by the 'mostly' part. ;)


  10. I'm really curious now - are these men writing in to ask if women are welcome or are the women themselves asking? Do they mean welcome to read or welcome to comment? I guess I've always figured that if you put it out there on the net without passwords & such you have to assume that anybody & everybody could stop by. I never thought to *ask* if I was welcome here - I just sat right down & made myself at home LOL. Maybe I'm just obnoxious that way ;)

    And Ace - thank you! I just love guys who get that women can be as sexual as men, in the same sort of (piggy) way as men.

  11. Jason,

    I think most straight guys fantasizing about woman-on-woman sex are under the mistaken assumption that they'd be welcome to intrude on the proceedings.

    I'd be curious to find out whether gal-on-gal fantasies were as common as they are now, in the pre-videotaped-porn era.

  12. Dawn,

    No, these are women asking if they're welcome, or sometimes writing to see how I feel their public comments might be received, or who've written privately because they feel that they might be scorned or accused of having cooties for identifying their gender in the comments section.

    I like your assumption that if it's out there, one should be able to speak up about it.

    Women can totally be as piggy as men. And I love it when they are!

  13. @Rob: I think a lot of guys do think that they are going to be able to intrude on two women, but I also know some who, like me, are more than happy to just watch. :) I like watching others fuck as much as I like others watching me fuck. Pretty much an equal opportunity guy here.

    @Dawn and T: I'm glad to hear women that will admit to guys that they like to see two men get it on. I think more men would be willing to try and solve their curiosity if they knew their girlfriends and wives were ok with, and even turned on by, seeing it happen. I've found that sex with a curious guy while his girlfriend watches and guides is some of the hottest sex ever. :)


  14. Ace, you seem like a sweetheart. Hot too. Your comments here are so warm and generous. Hey, good luck with your writing, I have the feeling we're all going to be reading great things from you in the future.

  15. @12:07 Anonymous (and everyone else): You guys are making me blush. You are all way too kind to me and I worry that Rob is going to get jealous. ;) Thank you for your unwarranted confidence in my writing that you haven't even read yet. :) It means a lot to me.

  16. The above comment was from case anyone wondered. :) I was pretty tired last night and didn't notice I missed signing it.