Thursday, March 3, 2011

The Good

I’ve spent the last two days looking at the weird and the ugly sides of a year of sex blogging. Today, nothing but the unalloyed good.

1. I’ve had such a lot of fun opportunities this year. When I write on nearly a daily basis about sex, I’m always looking for sex to write about—if that makes sense. For the last twelve months, when faced with the choice of, hmm, what shall I do this afternoon, go looking for ass or sit around watching Earth 2 on streaming Netflix?, I’ve been more likely to leap on the chance of a sexual encounter than to sit around on my ass. There’ve been plenty of times when I’ll do something sexual—follow a guy into a restroom, for example, or hook up with someone I might ordinarily perceive as way out of my league—simply so that I could write about it for you guys.

I know. My journalistic dedication to my readers’s happiness is nothing short of breathtaking!

Writing has made my readers reach out to me for hookups as well. I had a handful of those throughout the year and loved every single one of them; there’s something very sexy about connecting with a guy who knows that I’ll be writing about him afterward, and that I am very probably composing the entry in my head as I screw him. Hearing his reaction afterward, when the entry is posted, is also quite gratifying. If I have a goal for the next year, it would be to have even more of those kinds of encounters.

I can’t overlook, however, the other sorts of opportunities that arose over the year because I blogged so well. I had a blast writing for a week in a study that might see publication later this year. (I can’t divulge details yet. We’ll see what happens when the book comes out.) And the good people at the really excellent and Anal Magazine solicited a story from me for the pages of their high-quality publication.

2. I’ve written about things I’ve never addressed before. When I started writing A Breeder’s Journal, I thought I’d have several topics that would be forever off-limits. One of those untouchable topics I breached almost immediately with my Mikey posts; the issue of my sexual assault I tackled mid-year. I've been writing about my relationship with Earl in a way I'd never before contemplated.

Like many assault survivors, I made the assumption in the weeks and months after the incident that if I didn’t talk about what happened to me—if I never mentioned it or recorded it in my diary—that the silence would gradually elide it from memory and history alike. Unfortunately, that’s not what happens. Maintaining hush over something so heinous doesn’t erode its harsh edges. The vacuum only preserves them in all their lethal sharpness.

Writing makes one brave, though. It really does. It gives one the confidence to address what should be unspeakable, to reduce to human proportions what might feel overwhelming and out of reach. It sorts out the jumbled. When an incident is so terrible and wicked that the person involved seems almost an incidental character in an unstoppable tide of events told coldly and without feeling, writing and becoming the narrator, lets one take control of the story—and one’s life—once more.

I’ve known these things about writing, all along. I’d never before thought to apply them to my own experience with assault. I’m glad I did.

Here’s something I haven’t confessed in public, before. A couple of years ago I thought I’d learned my lesson about blogging on difficult topics. On another, more mainstream blog that I maintain, I’d written a longer series of pieces about the awkward and abortive attempts of mutual seduction between my sixth-grade homeroom teacher and myself. They went over, I was dismayed to find, like a lead Hindenburg. Oh, the humanity. I stumbled away from the wreckage convinced I’d never write about any adult topics ever again . . . and look what happened. I spent a year writing in a public space about almost nothing but.

That’s progress.

3. The people. Hands-down, the single best reason to keep blogging. Making the acquaintance of so very many good, smart, funny, strong, handsome people has been my greatest pleasure.

Over the last year I’ve made new friends from all walks of life and from all over the world. A few of you have become very close; although we might not have met in the flesh, I still think of many of you as very good friends.

I’ve always been somewhat astonished how very open and kind is the vast majority of my readership. In my comments you often astonish me with your insights and your praise, even as undeserved as I think it may often be. (This is not, by the way, an attempt to fish for compliments.) When I receive emails from readers with unexpected gifts—by which I mean your good wishes, your unsolicited photographs and videos, or photos of your asses—I’m always touched and moved, and feel a little bit like a giddy kid on Christmas morning. When some of you have reached out with long emails containing your entire life’s history, or with questions or heartfelt sorrows and troubles, I’ve felt overwhelmed by the responsibility of it, but touched and honored by the esteem that it betrays.

My readers are great people. Not everyone always agrees with me. Not everyone indulges his sexual whims in the same way I might. Almost all my readers read me thoughtfully, however, and respond with respect, understanding, and with consideration to the opinions I throw out on a daily basis.

I couldn’t ask for anything more beautiful than that. I honestly couldn’t.

Despite all the weirdness of the last year, and all the ugly moments that made me wonder about the futility of it all, the good stuff is what keeps me returning to my keyboard, day after day. The good stuff is thanks to you guys, my readers. The good stuff is you guys.

All I can do is thank you for a great first year, and hope that we can keep it going, together.


  1. You're the happy version of Francis Bacon - the gay painter NOT the theologian - meaning...he went out of his way to have sexual experiences so he had something to paint. However, whereas you seem beautifully happy about your experiences, he tended to paint sides of meat and screaming popes. :)

  2. Writer,

    And I just fuck guys like they're sides of meat and make the pope scream. AWESOME!

  3. I had no idea you had been assaulted. The fact that you have managed to continue your life and not let that tragic event keep you chained is a miracle in itself.

    Congratulations dollface! I love your blog...I get giddy with excitement when I see there's a new post.

    Can't wait for the next one.

  4. oh...yes...I am not being one of those "oh you poor fragile man" no.

    I don't think of you as fragile at all.

  5. The comment by Writer inspires me to say that you remind me also of Francis Bacon - but in my case, the theologian and not the painter! Bacon talked about how the human mind is limited by what he calls "the Idol of the Marketplace," by which he meant that humans are isolated from each other, locked in their own individual worlds and unable to truly understand each other, due to the limitations of language itself. He argued that language is imprecise, clumsy, unable to capture the exact thoughts we have and thus unable to convey to others what we really mean. As a result, we constantly misunderstand each other. For the vast majority of the world, words are clumsy tools that we awkwardly wield in attempts to express ourselves (thus, perhaps, explaining some of "the Bad" in the comments readers have left here that you've talked about this week). But you, dear Breeder, constantly earn the respect and love of those who read you because - so much more than most of us - you manage to defeat the Idol of the Marketplace and allow language to sing. Your words leap and dance and caress and speak with clear voices - and so you say what your readers feel, or know, or hope - and we recognize the worlds we know in your words.

  6. Jonking has said it so eloquently, your blog just communicates so powerfully past the individual words. It is wonderful to see you also saying this whole exercise had allowed you to deal with uncomfortable subjects, as well as going for some bolder experimentation than you might otherwise have done. With reference to other great writers, you are the de Toqueville of American Gay/bi sex....a deeply perceptive chronicler of an aspect of male sexuality who reveals his true appreciation of a wide variety of men. You hate praise of course because you are also an anti-elitist and identify with The Common Man - I can already hear Aaron Copelands stirring Fanfare by that name as the opening music for the film you will ultimately work on. We readers like your gusto and guts and if you squirm at thinking we are putting you on a pedestal, turn it into a dirty dance for us and tease us back.

  7. And as much as you thank us (Your Welcome!) - it is us/myself who gratefully reaches out to you to say, "Thank you Rob. (; You are one of the few blogs I faithfully read every day you post.

  8. Orodrigu,

    Whether or not life goes on isn't an option, after an event like a sexual assault. Life goes on whether one likes it or doesn't.

    The manner in which one continues is what's important. For a very long time I didn't really want to address what had happened to me. Eventually, with some help, I did. My past is a part of me in a close and personal way, and I don't so much 'get over it' as I do incorporate it within and let it inform my current choices.

    But thanks for liking how that turned out. I think I'm a pretty cool cat, most of the time. :-)

  9. Jonking and Jayson,

    You guys did notice the bit where I said I wasn't fishing for compliments, right? Especially not compliments as fulsome as yours. Jeez. How can anyone live up to that, I ask you?

    Thank you guys, though. You both brought grins to my face.

  10. I am going to have to agree with Writer & jonking. You writing, to me, also evokes Bacon. Not the gay painter, though. Nor the theologian.

    I am, of course, referring to the delicious breakfast meat. You're a little salty; best served with two large eggs; and your juice makes everything taste better. You may smack me when we meet for that one! ;-)

    All kidding aside, I have noticed, in my very short time blogging about my sexual adventures, I have become more... adventuresome. I completely identified with you there. I think knowing that I *may* write about something changes the way I approach a given situation as well. I definitely am more positive in my approach to sexual situations. It's almost like blogging is "The Secret" to my sex life. You should have been on Oprah!

    I have also been amazed at the quality of people I have met through blogging and, by extension, through Twitter. There are people I have respected for quite a while with whom I communicate nearly every day.

    Thank you for sharing your gifts with us. You inspire and excite with your words. And you make us feel.

  11. I'm a new reader of yours and blogger, you've inspired me to read and write more about what I really like in my life. I thank you for that. I look forward to all your blogs.

  12. My day is not complete if i don't read your blog. You make me feel special when you said something to me the last time and i'M so greatfull for that. You deserve all the credits for what you do, you said that we are the good stuff but you my friend is what we need for a good moment in our days. We love you for what you are and we will always support you, i know i will my sexy friend.
    I just hope i will meet you someday.


  13. I'm choosing to take it very personally when you say that "My readers are great people"

  14. I love that you mentioned "Earth 2". :D

  15. Damn. I got nothin'. Not after Writer, jonking, and jaysonstreet's eloquence. And Wholesome Pig even beat me to breakfast Bacon. Damn!

    I do think jonking said it beautifully: " say what your readers feel, or know, or hope - and we recognize the worlds we know in your words."

    He's right. And I hope you keep doing it for a long time to come. Mazel tov!

  16. This is how my brain works: your blogging helps make you whole, & helps you make my hole.

    With gems like that, do I have a future in writing? :)

    Seriously, though: I'm delighted this has helped you do some real healing.


  17. Wholesome Pig,

    Mmmm. Bacon. Breakfast of champions.

    I'm glad that you've discovered The Secret of blogging. That means you're doing it right!

  18. Leo,

    I hope you do write about what you love about your life. I think it's important; I think it will help you appreciate it all the more.

    Thank you.

  19. Saab,

    You ought. And I'm glad you do.

  20. M.,

    That's just my two-decade crush on Clancy Brown coming through. That and the fact I'm a big geek.

  21. Throb,

    Thank you, my fine-feathered friend.

  22. M.B.,

    One might even say 'sexual healing.'

  23. "That's just my two-decade crush on Clancy Brown coming through. That and the fact I'm a big geek."

    Right there with you, though I was more into Antonio when it aired. But having rewatched it recently on DVD, I can definitely see the uh... "merits" of Mr. Brown. :D

  24. As has been noted: it is the quality of the writing and the writer that has brought all these readers you value and enjoy to your blog. Thanks very much to you and to them (because I really love all the comments from the good folk, too).