Wednesday, March 2, 2011

The Ugly

On the occasion of my blog's one-year anniversary this last weekend, I'm taking a couple of days to reflect on some of the things I've learned and experienced over the past year. Tomorrow we'll be looking at the good stuff. Yesterday, we looked at the weird. Today: the ugly.

I'd like to point out before I begin that I'm listing these things not to whine about them. I'm not trying to elicit pity, or whip readers into a frenzy of anger against those who have wronged me. I'm definitely not trying to portray myself as a victim, here. I'm also aware that given the popularity of this blog, writing down some of my complaints about keeping it will sound a little like those songs rich pop stars write for their sophomore albums that can be summed up with, damn, life is hard in front of the paparazzi when you're a poor little rich pop star like me, can't you just leave me and my entourage of thirty alone?


I have learned that certain things stress me out more than others. They're pretty predictable, too. For example:

1. No matter how much I give, people want more. If I post photos, people want more photos—more graphic photos, bigger photos, photos that show me from the left side instead of the right, photos that show my feet, photos that show my face, photos that show my face and my feet together. They want me to post photos every day, or more photos than I choose to post, or to send them photos out of the blue, on demand, to their email. If I do that, they want more photos, whenever they ask, of more variety of subjects.

If I post a video, people want to know why the video isn’t longer, brighter, more graphic, less shaky. They want more videos, videos of me self-sucking, videos of me fucking, videos with better sound, a tripod, an entire sexual encounter from beginning to end. I have to get on cam for them, right then and there, when they ask for it. I have to send them emails when I get on cam, to let them know I'm online and stroking. I have to use Skype, have to give out my phone number, have to respond to their text messages in a timely manner and be prepared to cybersex with them when they demand, or else I’m a disappointment.

If I share within the blog certain details of my personal life outside, it’s never enough. People want to know exactly what I do for a living, where I work, what my brother does, where I live. They want to know the ins and outs of my relationship—its duration, nature, and intimate details. They want photos of myself, of my family, of my loved ones. They want to see photos of Spencer, photos of Scruffy, or to obtain their emails or profile names so they can ask them questions themselves or see what they look like.

I post almost daily. If I take a day off, people bitch and complain. They whine at me that I’m ruining their day by withholding posts. Or they might complain that I’m not posting the kinds of things that they want to see. I should post more porn, my photos, more videos, less boring shit.

And you know what? If there are points at which I quietly draw the line, these people get upset and hostile. It’s almost as if I owe this particular bunch of readers anything they ask of me—as if I’m some kind of mechanized vending machine that dispenses pornography at the punch of a button. I don’t even get any damned quarters out of the deal.

I’ll tell you. It’s wearing. It’s frustrating. And it’s more than a little insulting. I enjoy sparking people’s curiosity, I appreciate it when people enjoy my entries, and I love interacting with my readers, but please. Use some common sense.



2. Apparently I am supposed to be a doormat. A typical example: a few weeks ago I got an email from an incensed reader. He’d originally said that I was a liar who made up everything in my blog, and when I’d (rather calmly, if icily, I thought) responded that I pitied a lack of imagination and experience that made my blog seem like the stuff of fiction, he blasted back that OH, my MASK had SLIPPED OFF and that my VENOMOUS REPLY showed me for the EVIL, BLACK-HEARTED VIPER with the FOUL TEMPER I really was, and that my OUTRAGE meant that SURELY SOMETHING was amiss! FURTHERMORE, he was NEVER GOING TO READ ME AGAIN now that he knew the TRUTH!

But you know, here’s my stance on my outbursts—even the even-handed ones like the one I’d made to this guy. I’m astonished that people seem to assume that I’m not permitted to defend myself in the space of my own blog, even if I lose my temper. It is, after all, my blog. My anonymous blog.

I'm not a public figure who is required only to be mealy-mouthed and even-tempered in response to allegations against him. I'm not a politician, hoping for anyone’s vote. I'm not your priest. No one here supports my income in any way, or pays a subscription fee to read me. I do not have to fear the loss of reader patronage in order to keep food on my table. If I want to be venomous, I can be. I have been in the past, and no doubt I will be in the future.

I have not signed a contract to be nice to everyone. My readers are not my customers, and they’re not always right.

I told the guy that I was sorry he felt that way, but that if I was losing a reader, at least I wasn’t losing one that was particularly loyal or even good. But I get this stuff all the time. Over the last year I’ve been insulted in all kinds of ways. I’ve been called not only a liar, but an adulterer, a harbinger of disease, a tool of Satan. I’ve been informed, quite seriously, that I deserved to be sexually assaulted. I’ve been told I need psychiatric help, the Bible, salvation, penicillin. I've been informed I'm racially insensitive and culturally ignorant. I’ve been told I’m a bad writer, that I make typos (of course I do!), that there are better bloggers than I.

Almost every single time, there seems to be an expectation that I should receive the name-calling with a sage nod and a promise to do better next time, and with a thank you, sir. I’m sorry, dudes, but I don't roll over and take abuse that way. If you’re rude to me, I’m going either to delete your comments or I’m going to respond to what’s offending me.

When I call guys on their bad behavior, however, it’s vanishingly rare that they’ll say ‘whoops!’ and apologize. My opponents always deteriorate into flames and threats, in which they blast me for fighting back. They thought I was nice, they always say. But apparently they were wrong.

I’m a generally approachable and pleasant person. But that doesn’t mean I’m a doormat. Nor does it give you permission to attempt to wipe your feet on me.

To expect a stranger who writes a blog to produce only unobjectionable statements to one's liking is solipsistic at best, and infantile at worst. My world does not, and never will, revolve around hoping my readers think I'm nice, one hundred percent of the time. Particularly when insulted.



3. Some readers are determined to catch me out. I’m not talking about the self-appointed typo and syntax correctors, annoying as they may be. (I honestly don’t mind them when their intentions are helpful, but when they write me long letters telling me that a GOOD writer would know the difference between farther and further and never err with either, or who loftily inform me that I used the word frost when I should’ve used the word drizzle, like a REAL writer with a piquant sensitivity to the use of words might, I want to inform them, Bitches, that’s why I have editors in my real career.)

What I mean is that there’s a certain kind of reader who has no greater desire than to prove I’m a big fat liar. Usually the reader’s grand scheme involves finding some factual error that, when poked and probed, he imagines will cause my unsteady house of cards to come fluttering down around me, like Jericho before the trumpets. Then I will be exposed as the fraud that I am!

If I write about my home town in the nineteen-seventies, for example, and mention a chain store, there will be someone out there who will research on the internet and then report to me that he hopes I wasn't implying I entered a Woolco after 1983 because Woolco went into bankruptcy in 1982 and if my story took place after 1982—j’accuse!—I must be a damned liar! Or I’ll write about emailing a fellow student in college and someone will write a comment saying that given I attended college in the early nineteen-eighties and widespread email was not available until 1990, I MUST BE A FUCKING LIAR ABOUT EVERYTHING I'VE EVER WRITTEN. Even though I’m not. We had the ability to send notes to each other’s accounts on the mainframe, thank you very much.

What’s the point of all this Hardy Boys detective work? I suppose it gives the paranoid and the distrustful something to do with their time. It allows those who want to have a toehold over me an opportunity to sharpen their claws. Honestly, though. It seems like a big waste of anyone’s effort. I have said until I’m blue in the face that I write about my real life here—if after that someone doesn’t believe me, there’s no amount of corroborative evidence I can present that’s going to change his mind.



4. People are way too anxious to project their own assumptions upon me. I might have covered a lot of territory in 300 entries and a year, but there are some things about myself I’ve never said. I’ve never claimed I was straight, for one—and yet I have had multiple people write me saying that if I am presenting myself as a so-called ‘straight man’ having all kinds of down-low sexual adventures with gay men, why is it there has been scant evidence of straight sex in my journal in past months, hmmm?

People take the information I’ve presented here and come up with scenarios about my life that I’ve neither confirmed nor denied—though that doesn’t matter, because whatever they think up must be the truth. I’m an adulterer, cheating on my spouse. I’m secretly HIV-positive and spreading it (and every other disease possible) to my partners. I’m HIV-negative and a bug chaser. I’m a swinger. I’m in the closet. I’m single. I’m unable to commit. I have a double life. A triple life!

Even if the evidence of what I actually talk about in my life contradicts any of these scenarios, it doesn’t matter. Some people believe what they want, regardless of the textual evidence at hand. And that’s because, simply put:



5. Some of y’all are just nuts. Seriously. Not many of you are outright, bat-shit crazy, but it’s amazing how one or two bad apples really make me want to take a flame-thrower and burn down the orchard.

I know that most of the abusive messages I’ve received in recent weeks have been from a single, schizophrenic source—a source who was stupid enough recently to provide me with his email address, no less. He’ll appear to be on his meds often for the space of a single comment, but then it’ll all come unhinged and deteriorate into bad spelling and frothing at the mouth. There’ve been others, though—the anonymous commenters (they’re always anonymous) who want to one-up me, or who are so angry and incensed at my sexuality and the way I express it that they feel a need to let loose with all their insane fury. I’ve had people come at me with pity and scorn in an attempt to feel superior. And then I’ve had some messages (most of which I delete) that are so weird and unsettling that I’m not sure whether I should call in the FBI, or even if they were written by someone who lives on this planet.

It really is a pity that sometimes these lunatics have succeeded in unsettling me to the point of pondering the futility of writing at all. I’ve several times over the last year considered not keeping the blog any longer, though after a day or so I’m usually back to my chipper self. I’ve had red-alert weeks in which I’ve had to screen all comments, or eliminate anonymous commenting, because of problem readers. I’ve had moments of anger on the road, or in public places, where I’ve had to struggle with my phone’s browser in order to eliminate freakish remarks moments after they’ve been posted.

Seriously, can't you guys go bug the FOX news website? I've got enough crazy in my life.


Those are some of the struggles I’ve had to face, over the last year. Writing them down like this makes it sound like a pretty onerous set of obstacles. For the most part, though, everything on this list has been outweighed by all the good things I’ve gotten out of keeping this blog. I’ll get to those tomorrow.

The Breeder's note: I've noticed that a lot of readers seem to be taking my objections here rather personally. The chances are good that I'm not talking about you, specifically. Don't fret.

71 comments:

  1. And people ask me why I don't write a sex blog myself.....Can I just cut and paste this as an answer???????

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  2. FelchingPisser,

    It'd surely be a pretty compelling answer, if you did.

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  3. Well, dude, remember that most us out there are simply content to read and enjoy your blog. Without feeling the need to comment. And more specifically without feeling the need to sprout insanities.

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  4. Anonymous,

    I'm utterly grateful for your type of reader. The non-insane bit, but the reading part especially.

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  5. Ummm.....I love your blog..plain and simple. I hope the crazies leave you alone and let you get one with it. Even if they don't leave you alone, you should continue. You have many,I'm sure, loyal readers out there and I am one those many.
    Yours,
    Oscar

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  6. oops meant "on with it".

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  7. Damn, by the time I got to the last point, I pretty much lost my appetite for breakfast. Don't know how you do it; I guess the rewards must outweigh the worst.

    Good morning, sexy... :)

    William

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  8. Ummm...wow...what to say here; I know you have to feel better having vented all that. this post makes me GLAD I dont have a large following...

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  9. Given my solitary request for additional pictures of you, I guess I am one of those impositions you described in point 1.

    I guess I didn't realize the sheer volume of requests that your popularity is forcing you to contend with.

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  10. William,

    Never, EVER lose your appetite for breakfast. It's the most important meal of the day!

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  11. Itz,

    You'll get there. Have fun! *wicked laugh*

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  12. Thislittlepiggy,

    I should make something very clear: a solitary request for additional pictures is not at all a hardship. I'm always happy to provide. A follow-up to that email with, "Wow! Any more?" is fine.

    The annoying people are those who greet me online with "Any new photos?" immediately, or to whom my photos and how quickly I will be providing them are the sole topic of conversation.

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  13. Fascinating stuff well put. Cheers.

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  14. So, crazy people use the Internet too!
    I like you and your blog and am considering
    reading it more than just once in a while.
    LOL
    (take care mr. man, you're doing fine)

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  15. Dannoman,

    I know! Startling revelation! You take care too, my friend.

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  16. Rob -- Please do NOT stop blogging! You are my favorite way to start the day -- right after breakfast and brushing my teeth. While there are times when I'm more than envious (even when you said not to be) I more often then/than not walk away feeling damn good about me and always happy for you for sharing. Now that the ick has past I'm looking forward to the GOOD. Luv u big guy.

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  17. Sam,

    Don't worry, I've no plans to stop at the moment. I'm just laying out what I've learned. Thanks for coming back again and again.

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  18. This post was fascinating but, not surprising. I read you blog daily and have commented, I think, twice. I rarely read the comments because I come for your stories which are highly enjoyable. I feel no need to look further into your life than what you offer here and I can't understand what drives others to do so. I'm not really hung up on your personal live or the man behind the computer. I just enjoy your work and if you miss a day I check back the next. It's all cool. Enjoy your life and ignore the nuts.

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  19. Frankly, it's intriguing to hear about the crap you've dealt with... I'm so glad you're finding a path through it in healthy enough fashion.

    I've had enough family members and clients who have been clueless/careless about reasonable boundaries and prone to melodrama. As tiring as it can be, on my better days it's amusing that responding (mostly) reasonably often increases the dramatic retorts, at first.

    In some phases of my life, it's been largely possible to choose relationships and environments that minimized the crazy, but it's not possible to eliminate it.

    Congrats on the 1-year mark, and thanks, Rob. Reading you often leaves me with good stuff to chew on about my own life.

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  20. Well said. I for one love you and your blog!

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  21. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  22. I'm quite amazed at some of your readers' hurtful and base comments: they don't have to read your blog if they don't enjoy it (unlike me) I'm quite happy reading you daily and always looking forward to more of your sexy, utterly emotional posts. Keep up the good work.
    A bientôt, au plaisir de te lire

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  23. Alex,

    Usually when I read most web pages, I skip the comments if the topic is political, tech-related, has to do with human rights issues, or basically has anything to do with anything other than cooking. The ugliness there is too much to cope with.

    In my own comments, where I try to respond to everyone, I don't get that luxury. I think your approach to reading is perhaps the best--and thanks for coming back here, day after day.

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  24. Bose,

    I'm glad to give you food for thought. That's the best part of writing, for me.

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  25. Mr. Dave Athens, of Chicago,

    I'm not in the least surprised that you have continued to read here (and to recognize my reference to you), after your threat to flounce off in an OUTRAGED dither. I figured your threat was as empty as your capacity for reason.

    You don't have to visit here, much less comment. To daily endure what you obviously find an unbearable and tedious experience does not make you a martyr; it merely makes you foolish for continuing to do so.

    Dude, do something constructive with your time, and go elsewhere.

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  26. Frenchie,

    You're right. They don't have to visit, or comment. They don't see it that way, though.

    I'm glad you've enjoyed my posts. I'll try to keep up the combination you like, on this end.

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  27. I like to consider myself among your non-crazy readers (though sometimes that's questionable in reality), and I just want you to know...

    1) I notice when your don't post on any given day, and I struggle to NOT be that guy who emails begging for more and telling you how you've ruined his day.

    2) I don't think you're a liar. (And frankly I don't get why someone would go through the effort to read your blog and then email you to accuse you of lying? If they really thought you were a liar, why not click the "X" and move on? Further more, it seems logically sound that it would be much more simple for one to assume you're telling true stories if they're enjoying the content. I mean even just to keep it "real" in their own heads, but whatever, they're crazy)

    3) I really do appreciate what it takes to keep a blog like this going. I enjoy your words, and look forward to many more of them.

    That said, quit ruining my day with this inane garbage, and get back to the porn! WHile you're at it, could you send me a picture of your face, with your social security number tattooed across your forehead so I can move on the next level of stalker-dom! LOL

    Be well brother, and keep writing... even if the crazies sometimes make it difficult to remember why you do it.

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  28. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  29. Perhaps if you would *finally* send me that photo I requested of you naked, in full clown makeup, with the nose on your cock, I could post something nice.

    Okay - you know I'm kidding, but I better let everyone reading that I'm kidding too!

    I have my opinions of why people are so affected by you. It's difficult *not* to experience emotional reactions to your writing. I'm not going into details here, but I think it speaks to your success reaching people on a deep level.

    I love your writing. I trust it. And I have for quite a while.

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  30. Buck,

    I suppose you've got a modicum of sanity. The photo and the social security tattoo are in your email box!

    We'll be back to the porn pretty soon. :-)

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  31. Mr. GHJ,

    I figured if anyone would sympathize, it'd be you. You've had more issues with readers than I. At least I don't have any of mine ranting about how liberals are reducing the country to ruins.

    Yeah, we put with all kinds of anonymous nastiness from guys who are so far gone they probably don't even realize what they're posting, but we're the unstable ones when we alter our settings, right?

    even Helen became a writer when she learned not to have to have everything placed in the palm of her hand in order to know if it was "real".

    Amen! Though the juxtaposition of Helen Keller's open palm and our blogs raises some questionable images.

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  32. Wholesome Pig,

    Jeez, I keep trying. I just seem to have lost the clown nose sometime during my last fisting party.

    I'm always flattered when I arouse an emotional reaction in readers. I just don't always get it when the reaction is obnoxiousness. Thank you for not being one of those guys, though.

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  33. Your life is not simple. To some, it must seem controversial. If anything, you are generous with truths that can be misinterpreted in the extreme.

    That a few incomprehensible minds continue to attack you is a sign of interest denied (easy to say, hard to take). Maybe this is why one of the problem children actually gave you an email address. I am floored.

    Internet anonymity brings out people's best and worst, as well you show. I am glad that this allows you, too, to write so candidly.

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  34. Anonymous,

    The first sentence of your last paragraph stunned me—it's so simple that somehow I've overlooked its truth. It's easy to berate others for hiding behind internet anonymity, but I do the same to an extent. What really counts is what one does from behind the mask.

    Thank you.

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  35. I think that some of the issues are relative to the fact that by sharing, you have created a persona with whom people develop an instant intimacy based on the blog itself. Your honesty and security with who you are, and your ability to make people feel as if they are a part of your life are what make the blog as popular as it has become.

    You and I have had both pleasant and unpleasant interactions in the past, and I think it was a 50/50 split of miscommunication, coupled with a preconceived intimacy based on the knowledge provided via the blog on my part. I have been reading the blog since the second or third week, so in my excitement at being able to communicate with you, I pushed too hard. I apologised, you accepted, but a friendship didn't develop. I can accept that, but many people can't.

    I would never desire for you to change anything about what you do, and have continued to enjoy the blog every day. I would hope that people can realise that there is a human being behind the words, and that you are subject to the moods, spasms and fits of everyday life like everyone else. But, as we all know, they won't.

    Because you make yourself readily available, via so many channels, there is not as much anonymity afforded to other bloggers, and kudos for your patience with all of us! I am sure that it can be overwhelming at times, just the twitter etc can become a full time job. I had to recently take a step back from my own blog, for my own sanity's sake.

    Congratulations for making it a year, and I look forward to where it will take you in the future.

    J

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  36. Hang in there papi!
    You are doing a great job!
    Congrats on your first year of the blog!
    xx

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  37. I don't comment very often but I simply had to post a comment to this...

    To all of the bat-shit crazy fuckers who think that you're their personal sex-toy: Get over yourselves and get a life!

    Beyond that, thanx HUGELY for sharing your life with us in the way that you do...

    You present a view of a life that is (IMHO) not easily classifiable, and that's one of the things that makes it so beautiful...

    Based on reading your blog for quite a while now, I think you're a person who defies labels, and though I'm only 26, I've already learned in my life that nine times out of ten, labels don't fit...

    So thank you, for being yourself...and for sharing that beautiful, sexy-as-hell self with us!

    Trav

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  38. J.,

    I think it is possible for people to develop intimacy based on a blog's writing, fairly quickly. For some people, that intimacy bleeds into a sense of personal ownership, which is where assumptions can be made and troubles often begin.

    Thanks for reading for so long, and so steadily.

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  39. Esteban,

    You should consider making me a congratulations video. Mmmm. Video.

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  40. Travis,

    I wouldn't mind the men who thought I was their personal sex toy. That might be fun! At least it's interactive! It's the ones who regard me as their personal porn publishing service that get wearying.

    You know what would be the best way to thank me? Simply to learn, at 26, to turn up your nose at all the labels that come you way and to live your life the way you see fit. As long as you're living it honestly and well, nobody will be able to touch you.

    Thanks, Trav.

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  41. I just saw all the hatred againts you my good man. When people see a very nice person with a great blog, they try to dish them out any way they can, they are trying to crush you down like a bug and everything else but i know that you won't let that happen because you are better man than they are my friend. Don't let them try to put you down, some people like myself loves you like you are, very generous and loveble in every sense of the word. I won't let you down and i love you foe that.

    Yves

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  42. I love reading your posts--it is one of the highlights of my day--and I had no idea such assholes were out there. Please ignore them as much as you can! They cannot represent more than a tiny fraction of your devoted readership that greatly appreciates what you choose to share. Curiosity may be piqued, but that's part of the fun and what you decide to keep to yourself should be respected.

    And as to the deranged allegations that you make up your stories, I can personally state that the five-load breeding I took from you last year was absolutely and elegantly described and is still (and I imagine always will be) the highlight of my sexual career.

    Thanks for the great blog!

    The Professor

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  43. steve in vancouverMarch 2, 2011 at 8:49 PM

    Hi Rob
    You have a lot of people on here that love your writing, your stories, your insights. The internet has opened a pandora's box of crazy. Anyone can say anything to anyone at anytime and not worry about being known.
    My point is, I will follow diligently, I will be okay if your life takes precidence over a posting, I will respond when its' positive and appreciate your efforts. I may not always agree, but is that not part of our learning and acceptance process. If we were all the same, a boring world this would be. I said it before, but none of us are in a position to judge, just absorb and learn.
    I hope you continue and I will gladly follow.

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  44. I could be pretentious and misquote Lincoln by saying, "You can please all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot please all the people all the time. But I prefer to just be blunt- People are dicks. You are entitled to a personal life, to keep things to yourself. Just keep doing what you're doing, and if the assholes don't like it, they can leave. We who appreciate what you choose to share will still be here. ;)

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  45. Oh Breeder don't let the batshit crazies give you a moments pause. I love your writing, I'm a constant reader although I'm not a constant commenter. This thread should assure you of the love and respect of your readers.

    Love you and you rock!

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  46. This all makes perfect sense really - I mean, one can reasonably expect all these behaviours in a world where both Donald Trump and Sarah Palin are seriously considering running for office.
    Thank you for being a high-achiever in the "coping with idiots" department. I have found your blog to be the ONLY one that not only entertains but moves me - by most definitions, that makes it art. And it does not happen by accident. Hats off to the most gracious and intellectually balanced perv on the internet.
    GC Anonymous

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  47. Robb, for what it's worth, I'm one of the MANY readers who never comment, but look forward every day to what new adventure or insight or memory you have to offer. You and I are almost exactly the same age, and have had many similar experiences, but you write so much better than I ever could. I've never said it before, but thanks for adding a "spark" to my day.

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  48. I enjoy reading your blog and am thankful for it. I enjoy reading so I wonder if I have ever seen something written by you on my local bookstore shelf. I am curious how you manage the various aspects of your life, and I would like to see a little bit more of you. Mostly though, I would just like to have a mutually satisfying encounter with you. However, I respect your right to privacy and am content with just reading your blog (until we meet someday hopefully). I think anyone that says that you are lying is just jealous!

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  49. Yves,

    Worry not. I've got a bunch of great readers like yourself to bolster my spirits. Thank you, my friend!

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  50. The Professor,

    So very very nice to see you. I'm aroused at your enthusiastic recommendation. (When are you coming back again?!)

    The pug-uglies are indeed a very small percentage of my readers. Vanishingly small, almost. Yet they cause 100% of the pain, and it's a shortcoming of mine that I find it difficult to ignore their destructive glee.

    Come back and visit! I'll go for six.

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  51. Vancouver Steve,

    When one of the crazies not so long ago accused my readers of 'groupthink,' it seemed like a poor accusation; it's pretty often that my readers tell me that they don't all do the same things as I, and that they haven't had the same experiences. Despite that, they make the effort to understand my experiences as I present them. That's not groupthink. That's empathy.

    I'm grateful for empathetic readers such as yourself. Thank you.

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  52. M,

    People ARE dicks. But you're not, and for that I'm most thankful. Thank you!

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  53. Carmenghia,

    You comment often enough that I'm always happy at the sight of your moniker. Thanks for being here!

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  54. GC Anonymous,

    I now want "the most gracious and intellectually balanced perv on the internet" engraved on my tombstone. Thank you.

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  55. BarryXXIV,

    It's worth a lot for you to have piped up. Thank you. I'm glad you can see the parallels in my life to your own. That's high praise indeed.

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  56. Anonymous,

    I'm pretty sure that anyone who wants to see more of me has probably seen it on Xtube or some of the online hookup sites! Thanks for being both curious and sweet, and I'll add some more thanks on top for you coming back here regularly. You're a good person.

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  57. Your readers can also identify with your experience, which encourages others to do as much. Maybe whoever cried groupthink was trying to spin this and strike a raw nerve.

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  58. I didn't know you took so much crap for writing your blog. I just want to thank you for sharing. I don't expect anything. It's your blog after all. Why can't other people understand that.

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  59. Fascinating, not at all surprising, loved the ref to Fox News. Today "teh crazy" is mad as hell and is going to make everybody else mad, too. Keep in touch; write when you can.

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  60. This many comments in, it's hard to say much new... I do find that all my various online presences, adult & otherwise, do force me to regularly disengage with people's projections & assumptions, and that's probably a good skill in the long run for all sorts of situations.

    I'll also just note that yours is the only sex blog where I've ever commented, & didn't expect to make a friend out of doing so :) Glad that the ugly, though intense & time consuming, doesn't outweigh the bad.

    --M.B.

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  61. 8:19 Anonymous,

    Getting people to identify with what I'm writing about seems to be one of my stronger points. If that's what someone honestly thinks is groupthink, well, I'm all for it. We all need to groupthink each other that way.

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  62. Kevinm,

    It's just periodic madness. Sometimes weeks can go by without anything crazy happening!

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  63. Jason,

    It just makes me glad I'm not in a really public field, like politics. Jesus, what those people go through!

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  64. M.B.,

    And I've been very glad for your participation and friendship.

    The ugliness really isn't time-consuming in a sense. If we were to take the proportion of very nice or thoughtful comments to the crazy/ugly ones, they'd be a sliver of the pie chart. Same if we quantified the measure of time it took to read and respond to both sets.

    The problem is that the nice and kind comments don't consume me the way the nasty ones do. I don't think about the nice comments all day. I don't lose sleep over the nice comments as they replay in my head all night. I don't find myself unable to work because someone has left nice comments on my blog.

    A positive comment makes me feel good for a couple of minutes. A nasty or crazy comment unsettles me and sets the tone for my mood for the entire day, and often beyond.

    My issue, I know.

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  65. It sucks that this stuff happens, but at least you deal with it. I would pat you on the back, but yo clearly don't need it because you're a confident badass. People call you slut, adulterer, whatever, (like its any of their business) and you keep going. You're Awesome. Plus, I personally think what makes someone an adulterers is lying to their partner, which isn't something you do. I remember you said so once on formspring. Keep being honest and brave. And, of course, keep writing.

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  66. R.J.,

    I love being called a confident badass. I wish it were my job title! Thank you, my friend.

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  67. I would happily, giddily send you a damned quarter any time! (provided you stop using words like solipsistic How fucking dare you expect me to learn new words?!?)

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  68. Can you send me more pics 'cause you're "supposedly" so nice, for a "straight" guy? Ha! Thought they were all faked! J'accuse! Wait, what? Triple life? Shit! I can barely handle my single one! At least at this point, I know you weren't talking about me!
    Whoa. I hereby apologize on behalf of the cretinous, rabid, moralizing, hypocritical, self-deluded, self-involved, low-life wretches leaving anonymous garbage for you to deal with. Okay, maybe not just that subset, but all the other garbage-leavers, too.
    It's truly a wonderful blog and I hope you still find enough joy in it to keep it going for a long time.
    JPinPDX

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